I recently moved in with my mother to care for her. She is 72 years old, suffers from severe rheumatoid arthritis, as well as other health issues and has recently been diagnosed with vascular dementia. She has been in 3 hospitals in the past 2 months and 2 nursing homes. My mother's behavior is very erratic. As is said, "every day is a new day". With my mother, it is more like every minute is a new minute. She was due to be discharged from the nursing home to home a week from tomorrow. She did not like this plan. She wanted to be out of there now! This sent her into a rage. Later that evening, her physician from the nursing home called me and told me that my mother was smashing things in the dining room of the facility and threw a glass sugar container at him. If he hadn't seen it coming, he would have been struck in the head. She was sent out to be evaluated at a local hospital and then transferred to yet another hospital in their geripsych ward.
Whenever my mother has these raging episodes, she blames me for all of it. If she feels I am going to get her out of a place and take her home, she tells me how much she loves me and wouldn't know what to do without me. When things don't go her way, she wants nothing to do with me. This is a behavior that has been going on for many, many years. She has actually told my brother and I that if we do not behave the way she thinks we should that she wants nothing to do with us. My brother has been out of the picture for a long time now. Regardless of what my mother says to me, I am still there for her. This has been a very difficult time for her but it has been extremely difficult for me. I am the only one in the family that has been caring for her. I have gotten to the point now where I dread going to see her, never knowing if she will lash out or love me.
I have always told my children that love is truly unconditional. I only wish that it had been that way with my mother.