You have been through the pain of caregiving a loved one and they have passed. So as not to relive the recent pain of caregiving those last days, THIS THREAD IS FOR YOU. To express yourself; be supported by others who have lost their parent, spouse, friend, loved one. A caregiver's grieving and recovering post. If ever you just want to sign in without saying something, put three xxx or three ..., then click post, someone will know you were here, on your special thread, it's yours to say whatever you want. You can even honor your Mom's memory by posting about her.
Two days before she died I prayed with her. She was so miserable and her breathing was a struggle even on while on a ventilator. She was terrified of death, even as a Christian, so I talked about Phil 4 and anxiousness. I said God your child is anxious and scared but you are here with her guarding her heart and mind in Christ Jesus, please relax her and reassure her of the great life that awaits her. I told her everything would be okay and don't worry, you're in the best of hands of the one who can give you an abundant life eternally. She smiled and I kissed her forehead. I thought well done mom, you good and faithful servant. Go live in that awesome mansion and have a great time!
I wish you were putting in your Mother's curls tonight too Lucky. :(
Mom was always there for us. She cared for my niece, she helped me out both financially and emotionally when I went through a divorce. She was always there for me, always cared. She was my best friend.
Fifteen years later she married my father's ex partner and she became a different person. He was a horrible horrible man: misogynist, selfish, domineering, jealous of my father and arrogant. She was married to him for ten years and during that time she was like his pet, his dog, his servant, and he did all her thinking and controlled where she went, what she ate. He never let her be alone with me or my sister. We were glad when he passed away because Mom had developed anxiety attacks and he scared her telling her she was having a heart attack and shoved nitro in her mouth. She would never have lived more than a few years had he been around.
But, when he was gone, she still was lonely. We finally talked her into moving to independent living where she resided for 8 years. She was never a happy person, always shy and bored with herself. When dementia got too bad we moved her to assisted living.
She was independent, stubborn, strong and healthy. She was blessed with a loving heart, devotion to family and almost perfect health, never sick, never took any medication except antidepressants.
She refused to use a walker and finally fell badly enough that she was no longer able to walk and ended up in a nursing home.
She spent the last 5 months of her life there, confused and struggling to get out of bed or wheel chair, refusing to give up. They called her the energizer bunny, Finally a fall that fractured her pelvis put her on her final journey. By then her dementia left her confused and deafness even with hearing aids made communication impossible. We wrote notes on a white board. To watch her fail was the most painful thing I have even experienced. She was a shell, not my mom any more, just a very very old lady who was mentally suffering. We were relieved when she passed. She had always said she didn't want to ever be in a nursing home, she was fiercely independent and strong and proud. So when God called her, it was a life well lived but time to go and be with my Dad and for us to get on with our lives and try to remember the person she really was.
Now that it's been a few months, I feel the grief is more profound. Her birthday has passed, and holidays are hard I'm coming to see. I miss her terribly and it's really settled in that she's gone. Even in my grief though, I still am thankful the Lord took her, rather than for her to suffer long. Several weeks after the funeral, I was sleep and saw her approach me and blow in my ear, something she used to do when I was a kid. It was her body but it wasn't. It was like she glided over to me. It felt so real I woke up and sat up in the bed. At the time it freaked me out, but now it brings me some comfort.
I try to look at old photos and other times before she got sick, as not to get caught in no man's land too long, and focus too much on the last few years. Her life was much more than that and worthy of the space in my head to think on those things. It doesn't make the grief go away, no, but even in the grief are times of smiling and joy over her life to make it more bearable. God bless you all for the love in your hearts.
everyone hated(s) me because I was your favorite.
I am sorry i didnt protect you from her.
You gave me all of you, and I gave all of me to you.
You trusted me and me only.
I am sorry I didnt protect you.
I wish you could comfort me.
Those beautiful hands......
Decorated cupcakes for school and Halloween
Picked me up when I fell down
Changed my diapers
Nursed me back to health,over & over
Sewed the most beautiful clothes for me
Cooked the best meals & mainly best desserts
Made candies remembered by everyone
Did beautiful needlepoint & embroidery
Cleaned & made our house a home
Played dolls with me
Taught me to hold a book & read to me
Rubbed my back
Curled my hair and tied my bows
Held mine and made me feel safe and loved
Clapped for me
Drove me to my marimba lessons
Did crafts with my Girl Scout troup & helped me with Tiny Tots
Wrote me letters when I was far from home
Wrapped my wonderful Birthday gifts
Rode a bike to Springfield Lake and back home
Priced tags to sell our stuff we collected as"sh%t search'n sisters
Carried me to bed
Stroked my forhead and tucked me in
Performed "Charlotte" the spider in "Charlotte's Web"
Drove my friends and I around town
Wiped my tears away
Rocked me to sleep
Prayed for me and with me
Comforted me in troubled times
Dressed me for church
Loved me
Thank you Mother
I love you
my letter to him would simply says " suck balls " .
thats man / son talk that means everything but what you might think .
Too young to die, age 26.
This time of year is the hardest for people who have lost loved ones Lucky. Just try to think of your Mom fondly and cry if you want to. I get watery eyes quite a bit these days. But somehow when I am feeling the sadness for her, it makes me feel close to her too in a weird kind of way.
Take care Lu!