Love notes from caregivers who have lost someone.

It has been so long since someone posted here....is anyone reading?

Sorry I guess I didn't look for the latest posts, was teary eyed and my phone was blurry....

Wisteach, I am reading...here for you, still up. Checking back tomorrow, will follow your posts. Love, from Send

Gershun, I Love when I see my parents in my dreams! Weirdly, it's usually one or the other, never together. Some of my dreams have been creepy, like the one that I had where we were waiting around in a crowd, for my Father's funeral, but there was a group ahead of us in the church, or building, which was open on all four sides, and up several steps. All of a sudden, a group of men wheeled my Fathers casket up to go into the 'church", and then the lid popped open, and my Dad was trying to get out. I helped him out, and he was naked, someone gave me something to put around him, and I practically carried him over to this table, that magically appeared, and he asked for water. We gave him water, and then it was time for his funeral, and these people were suggesting that he get back in the coffin, but I woke up fighting thim! Weird huh! I Hate that dream, but have Never forgotten the images or the storyline in my head, now years later. I much prefer nice dreams of times from the past! Dreams are weird!

Stacey I've had many dreams of my Mom since she died. Some good, some bad. But its always nice to see her! My Dad passed when I was a child so I never have dreams of him. But I did have a dream shortly after my Mom died and she, my Dad and my late brother were all together in the dream. I felt like it was a message telling me that they were all together again.

Gershun, I don't know if psychics are real, and I have never been to one, but I do get a lot of feelings that my parents are still here with me. Not all of them are visual, most are a buzzing sensation in my ear, or just a feeling or a sign. I use my childhood house number 341,as my lucky number, and now for some reason, to me when this number pops up, and IT DOES, frequently, IT'S THEM! I don't know why, it just IS, and for many years now, 12. I also sit outside alone in my very private and sit in a meditative sort of state, and I feel them about me, I don't know that I'm particularly sensitive to this sort of thing, but I do. I talk to my sisters and they say that they feel the same thing. Several times, I have had the feeling, in bed, that someone has sat on the bed besides me, I actually feel the bed sink in that spot, its was freaky at first, I was scared, especially if my husband was not home, and other times, he was right there sleepy next to me. I thought there might have been a break in, and that burglars were in the house, now I think it might be them, as there is no "person" there. I'm not afraid of this anymore. That would be something my Dad would do, checking on me. My Mom is the buzzing I get in my ear, lol! Its not a traditional buz, more like a bugs wing, thanks Mom, lol! I Love a good Dream though! ☺

Whoa, not IN MY PRIVATES, but IN MY PRIVATE BACK! Lol! Get your minds out of the gutter! Lol!

Stacey I may of already told this story but anyhow I'll tell it again. The very last conversation I had with my Mom I knew something was not right but she kept assuring me that things were fine. I used to always sing to my mom. That day I sang "You've got a Friend" by Carole King.

So fast forward to Christmas Eve of last year. I was talking to my niece about Mom and she was telling me that she always felt that Grandma, my mom had a special connection to God. I agreed with her and I had just got through saying to my niece that "oh I'm sure mom's spirit is right here with us. Then I looked at the t.v. and on my sister's play list there was the song "You've got a Friend"

I just know that was a message from Mom. You know how you just know when it is. I just know.

Wisteach, so sorry for your loss! To have your Mom die, with such a serious diagnosis, and then have family disbelieve you and reject you just adds to such a sad situation. I am sharing this here for your benefit, because everyone here will understand and support you. As you post each painful thing, and how you loved your Mom, and you will cry, I am sure, you will get through this. Try to take some consolation in the fact that you know you did best for Mom, never doubt yourself.
So sorry.

Gershun, I agree that somehow, Mom is with you.

Send I am glad you explained that one I wasn't too sure what had happened. Wisteach losing anyone is horrendous, a parent even more so and to have it surrounded by unpleasantness makes everything even worse.

Crying is really helpful and is an expected part of grief so do let the tears flow. Send is right. This is your life, your script and you alone can write the future, don't let what is past define you. now is the time to say Mum I loved you and I know you knew that and now I am going to live my life in a way that will make you proud of me.

there are times in our lives when we just have to amputate those who hurt us or who try to hurt us...better to live with one leg than to be infected by keeping the bad one! xxx Stay strong xxx

...{{{{HUGS}}}}

Thanks for the support. I lost my mom and the rest of my family. While it's true they're not the best it makes this grieving all the more difficult. Who I am to reminisce about childhood memories with about her. There aren't many adult memories because of the out of state distance, we lived in three different states and holidays were spent anywhere, mostly me with in-laws except twice when I took my family to my mom and dad's place, or when my mom visited me for Thanksgiving. They're now with my dad brainwashing him, he asked me yesterday, why did I take her? Well, my two sisters, mom, and dad thought it was a good idea. Oh, and bc she was crawling on the floor to get up, barely eating fresh food, and peeing in her chair while she lived with you, dad. My dad told me yesterday if I couldn't do it, then I shouldn't have taken her. I swear they think I made her die prematurely. The week after she came here, she couldn't walk on her own with a walker and we started using the wheelchair. I just don't know why he is now saying those things. I only believe that heust think the outcome would have been different if she was still w him. This is what my sibs told me, I took on too much and I shouldn't have done it. She would have does a horrible Travis death of we disint take care of her. My aunts and cousins all saw everything. I can't believe they're accusing me of this and week, accusing me but not even speaking to me about it.

Since this is untrue, not even a facsimile of truth, you can get through it.
You have heard of the 5 stages of grief. Well, your family's stage will lie in the anger/denial stages for a long, long time.
The big lie takes a kernal of what looks like truth and twists it until the lie fits their conclusions. While it was too much to take on-somebody had to assist Mom and get her away from the neglect. You were there, Wisteach, it was hard, it became harder, but you were there! No one can realistically condemn you for that-so don't doubt yourself. Don't go there. Sorry you lost your Mom.

Thanks. The funny thing is that my siblings and dad were the ones hard to deal with. Being with my mom was easy...she said thank you every night for all we did for her, she never complained(except when we had to use the side rails on the bed), and for once really seemed to be at peace and feel loved and not a burden to anyone. I guess I shouldmfocus on those things Bc that's what's important. My emotions have a way of stealing those moments.

Spend all your emotions loving and missing Mom.
Here is a caregiver's love note to you, and everyone who put themselves out there, way out, to care for Mom.
We love you!

You will be appreciated forever!

Wisteach....I'm sorry you have more pain on top of pain.Keep hanging on...

Wisteach, you did the right thing, bringing your Mom home with you! They weren't caring for her properly, and now they are putting all the blame on you to deflect their poor actions!
You bring all of your loving memories of your Mom right here to this thread, we all would Love to hear the stories of your time with her, and her amazing life! Don't listen to that garbage they are spewing, you know that you did the right thing! Your Dear Mom was at the end of her life, mad more comfortable by YOU! Never forget that! Eventually the pain does lessen, though it will take time. I'm sorry for your loss! You hang in there! HUGS!!!

Projection is a trait for those who need to cope with something that they regret. THEY REGRET NOT DOING so they project that on to you - and then all is right in their world but not in yours (they won't care one jot about that though - yet) Stay focused and start to write your future darling and start it with your wonderful happy Mum who you cared for and who you did sadly lose but who will always be a joy in your heart and you in hers. For yours is the future - make the most of it and make your Mum proud hun xxxx

My mom loved watching Downton Abbey and Keeping Up Appearances, we love DA as well and finished season five with her but I can't bring myself to start season six right now. She was a Senior Olympics gold medalist for aerobics

I'd love to talk about my Mom with my siblings too but I bring her up and everyone just gets silent. It was the same way with my Dad. He died when I was very young. I never understood why no one EVER spoke about him. I was starved for information about him when I was young. Now it appears like everyone is going to become mute about Mom now too. I plan on bringing her up at every opportunity.
If they can't handle it they can bugger off.

Family legacy: No talking.
I hope you do bring up Mom and Dad, often,,Gershun, breaking the silence.

Lets ALL talk about the past. It has become a cry of the selfish who are just not interested in another's life "Oh, that's in the past, don't talk about it!" Mostly said by the adult children of a suffering elder. (Not you, who hear the repetitions of an ill family member so often you want to scream.) But you, who have something good to say about those you loved.
Maybe this is not such a good idea, afterall. I can hear the opposing views revving up their engines. That's okay too, just don't hate me.

Isn't talking about the past a way to honor the ones we loved? It's painful for me now but I hope one day I can talk about my mom and smile.

Sendme let the opposing views rev up their engines. We learn from our past.Thats why we should celebrate our elders. I'm not unsympathetic to those of you who lived through abusive childhoods at the hands of those who were supposed to love you. You get a pass.

No we don't Gershun. It's just as important for us to shed the anger we held inside once and for all. It's a solid reminder to others of their responsibilities to children and the far reaching impact abuse has right up into later life and I still carry scars at the age of 63

It usually said of war but is equally true for abuse - Lest we ever forget. So talk on people and remember the past talk about it then let it go into wherever it needs to be - the golden album for constant review or the gutter to join the rest of the filth there xxxx

The future is so much like the past and present, only more of it!
(unless you change it).

So, today is the 3rd anniversary of my Mom's passing. She suffered from dementia for the last 2 1/2 years of her life. BUT she nearly made it to her 98th birthday so it's hard to complain about a 'relatively' short illness.
And today, my sibs and in-laws are all sending around emails with photos and memories of mom, Also got notes from cousins. I thank God for my Mom and for all of the caring relations who (3 years later) are still remembering.
I am still involved with MIL, but I wish all of us involved in these journies peace and appreciation for walking the final journey with those who are so special to us.

My mother dressed us up in new plaid easter dresses and cut our hair into duck-tails, for my sister and I. One dress was blue plaid, one was yellow. fyi.