Love notes from caregivers who have lost someone.

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You have been through the pain of caregiving a loved one and they have passed. So as not to relive the recent pain of caregiving those last days, THIS THREAD IS FOR YOU. To express yourself; be supported by others who have lost their parent, spouse, friend, loved one. A caregiver's grieving and recovering post. If ever you just want to sign in without saying something, put three xxx or three ..., then click post, someone will know you were here, on your special thread, it's yours to say whatever you want. You can even honor your Mom's memory by posting about her.

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Dear Shelli,

Good to see your post. Thank you for updating us. I have to agree with you, music makes a huge difference. Day by day, moment by moment. We all just do the best we can.

Wishing you a happy holiday season as well. Take care, my friend.
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When my mother died, we found a booklet that she had marked "Funeral" on its cover. Inside were the instructions to what she wanted incorporated in her funeral.
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Thanksgiving was harder than I expected but at least I remember it, unlike last year's. I am really missing my mother but I am doing things to honor her and her memory is a presence I find is supportive. I talk to her and even if her responses are all "in my head," I am helped by remembering how she spoke, what she would say, how she would look. All of it. It hurts no one and helps me celebrate her while I continue to assimilate my loss.
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Hi cdnreader, sendhelp and all,

Wow, this came at just the right time. I was just thinking about this post, but not sure I was quite ready to post. Guess I am (sorta :-)!)

Trying to get into the holiday mood, but it is so hard. I am so thankful that we had last Christmas and New Years to celebrate. My town has really spectacular holiday light display and we got to see that. My mom was not sure that she would get much out of it due to the macular degeneration, but she kept marveling at how beautiful it was.  She kept talking about it.  I truly believe that she was holding on until the holidays were over.  She went into the hospital on January 7 and was gone by the 11th.  

So Christmas is not going to be easy.  I just miss her so much.  There are times when it hurts so bad.  Yes, I get through.  Music is my savior.  Sometimes I need soothing music and sometimes I need something crazy loud!  

Haven't thought about any new traditions, yet.   Will be carrying on with the old traditions.   Thinking about decorations and maybe something special to honor her memory.  Hopefully, weather permitting, we will be able to get the cemetery (it is a bit of a distance, so we have to plan for a good day).  Would like to take something special.  Not sure what, but now there are these pretty solar stakes with angels that light up. 

So guess that is where I am at right now.  Once again, thank you all for being here.  It helps to know that there is a safe place for me to come and let my defenses down and let it all out.   

Merry Christmas to all and take care!

Shelli
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Dear Send,

Thank you for bringing this one back up.

It is definitely a year of new traditions. My grandmother passed in October so its the first year we will not spend Christmas Day with her and my extended family. My aunt has decided to host a gathering on Boxing Day instead.

My mother is now cooking dinner at her house for our immediate family. My new tradition includes going to the cemetery to bring a Christmas plant to my father. I wish it wasn't so, but I guess I have to learn to adapt.

Dear Shelli,

How are you? Everything you wrote really resonated with me. I know its not easy. Please know if you ever need to talk, we are all here.

Take care. Thinking of you.
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Shelli,
and others,
Holidays are the times when the memories will be hardest because Mom or Dad are no longer there.
Will you be carrying on traditions, or creating some of your own?
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Bringing this back up to the top.....
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Reading your posts, all....
to support and pray for each of you.
Love,
from Sendhelp.
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First I want to thank everyone who has given me encouragement. It helps.

Shelli60, you are in a horrible situation: grieving and still caregiving. I don't know if your mother or father had or have dementia, but you might want to consider calling the Alzheimer's Association's 24 hour support number. From their site: "The Alzheimer's Association 24/7 Helpline provides reliable information and support to all those who need assistance. Call us toll-free anytime day or night at 1.800.272.3900"

Ask for a counselor. Another thing to try is a calling a local non-profit hospice and asking if they have a bereavement department. If so, they can help sometimes. Find support groups. Sometimes you just have to ask. Do you have any family that could be supportive?

Hugs! You are doing the very best you can. But please also don't get burnt out.
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I just don't know how to keep doing this. Some days are just so hard. And while I know there is no "timetable," I guess it is hard to understand that. Yeah, I know only 10 months have passed since my mom is gone. But I don't have anyone to talk to who seems to understand that I still am trying to get through this. Plus I am still taking care of my father, and that seems to be a full time job lately. And while I am ashamed to say this, I sure don't feel appreciated for all that I have been doing for him lately. I feel so petty for wanting him to say thank you once in a while. We just had some work done on the house and who was it who did most of the preparation so that the workmen would have access. Who is it who cleans, washes his clothes, takes care of a million mundane daily things so that he can still be living here in this house.

I just miss my mom so much. She was the one who kept the family together. I just sometimes find it hard to accept that she is gone. We had our moments, but for the most part, we got along and she made the caregiving easier.

So I don't really know where I am going with this. Just that it has been a really hard week and I guess I just needed to vent. Yeah, I know I will make it through...I have up to now in my 62 years on this earth. I never realized, though, how hard it would be to lose one of the people who was so precious to me.

Thanks for listening and best wishes to all who are going through the same ordeal.
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