This is really long and scattered so I am so sorry. I just had a big fight with my mom and need to get help/vent at the same time.
My mother is 61 years old. She has many health problems, mostly physical problems, but over the past year she has had slowly increasing mental problems too. Her personality has always been rough, though. As far back as I can remember she always was not the nicest person to be around in public. She is the person who always has a comment, like muttering loudly about how slow the grocery line is, or saying 'come on people, any time today'. Lately she claims that she is 'inappropriate' because she cannot help it anymore. She doesn't have health insurance until February so she can't get tests done but she says that some time a year ago she found out she had something in her brain and claims it is a tumor and that the tumor affects the part of her brain that allows her to be a decent human being. So whenever we go out in public she is rude as hell and god forbid I seem any bit embarrassed or apologize for her behavior she acts as if I'm the worst daughter on the planet. She tells everyone she has a brain tumor and she is sorry that her daughter doesn't understand that. The thing is...I give her the benefit of the doubt and I believe that she does have something that is causing her behavior to get worse. However, I do not believe that to just be a 'get out of decency' free card and I do expect her to at least try and not say or do inappropriate things, especially in front of my young children. And it's just so weird how all of her 'inappropriate' behavior is only things that benefit her. She never gets lost in a store, or forgets why she is in a certain aisle, or anything like that. It is more like skipping people in line, saying WHATEVER she wants no matter how rude, and pushing through other people without an 'excuse me' or anything.
The worst is that she makes me feel like the worst daughter all the time. She thinks because I don't condone this behavior that means I don't care. I DO care. And if someone were to say or do something to my mother I would give them hell to pay. But all of these people, except for one instance, do nothing wrong and just suffer her wrath for no reason. And because I don't let her get away with it that makes me a horrible daughter. If the situation were more like she was being rude to someone and I said 'mom please calm down it's alright' and she at least tried to stop for a second and calm down then I would be way more understanding of these episodes. But she doesn't. Instead she flips out and scolds me for not backing her up for letting her say or do whatever she wants.
Today she made a huge scene at Toys R Us today because she freaked out and yanked my son backward into the shopping cart a bit too hard and made him cry. He was reaching for the gum at the checkout line over the conveyor belt but she claims his finger was this close to being torn from the belt that wasn't even moving.He had told her he didn't like what she did and she got all snappy with him. I told her at that moment that my son is upset and he is allowed to express himself. I also said next time to please don't pull so hard and just tell him to sit back down or you will sit him down yourself, or just say 'Hey daughter stop loading the bags and get your kid', or anything but what you actually did because what you did was too rough. She flipped the hell out on me! This caused a huge fight at home that ended in her telling me to consider her dead. She told me that if I don't want to be around her when she behaves that way in public then don't be around her at all. I just couldn't believe she would give up seeing her grandchildren just so she can be a bitch - and I'm sorry to say that but that is what she is when we go out. She won't even try to work on our outings and find solutions to the problem. Nope. It's either let her be that way and let my children see that kind of behavior or just don't see her at all.
And the FREAKING kicker is when I started to cry in the front yard and screamed at her because I was so frustrated she flipped out on me for being embarrassing to her neighbors.
She even tells random strangers, cashiers, anyone, person stories about me or my brothers when we are out if she is mad at us or if she wants to make someone laugh. Like telling some random women comments about my parenting like 'yeah because sugar will just KILL your 10 month old, god Jenny lighten up it's just a sip of an icee'. Or tell people about my current divorce and say how much of a scumbag my ex is RIGHT in front of their father!!
I don't know what to do. She used to be slightly inappropriate but now I can't be around her at all. Every moment with her is a guilt trip and she makes me feel bad mixed with embarrassing trips anywhere because she is so rude. I can't do it anymore. I love my mother and she is my best friend in this world. But I can't let my children be around her anymore.