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Hello everyone, I'm new here, so please bear with me, because this will be a long post. Thank you in advance for any suggestions. I've been staying with my Parent, for some time now, not by choice, but because I was one of thousands, who was affected by the Job Market and Economy taking Tank, several years back; my Temp Jobs were limited, and my Unemployment Benefits ran out, and with no place to go, I ended up here, with her. Two years ago this August, she woke up early one morning, screaming out that she was in severe pain, and would no longer be able to go into the Kitchen (that's where she spent her time previously); shortly thereafter, she asked a question, which I answered, then she repeated the same question, within 10 minutes, and then things got worse, from there; last year (on April 1st, of all Days!), we went to see a Geriatrics Specialist, and a Nurse gave her a verbal Test, while I waited in the Doctor's Office; the Nurse came in with the results, and the Dr. told me she had Dementia; the office visit summary, says Dementia with Behavioral Disturbance; well, long story short, her condition has severely worsened (I was recently told she is Paranoid and has Anxiety); she's had Spinal Stenosis, severe Incontinence and multiple Arthritis, for several years, so being that she's confined to her Bed (her choice), this only makes things worse. Her Dr. (now her PCP, as well), has come out twice, in the last two months (Community Based Program/Geri Pal), including this past Thursday; she examined and took her vitals, as well as asking her questions, then she and I spoke about replacing Tramadol and Extra strength Tylenol, with a Narcotic (SEVERE Arthritis, in her Knees); the Dr. was also concerned about me, because she's seen how all of this, has taken a toll, and she asked if I wanted her to contact Adult Protective Services; I asked her to hold-off on that, because I'm trying to find a place that will take her; so far, no luck; I contacted Alzheimer's Waiver Program (ALWP), an "free" Agency, that provides different resources (or so they say), but in the end, regardless of what these Agencies claim, Money is the major factor. I was told by a Rep. at ALWP, that my Parent needed more than assistance, meaning, a Board and Care, would not accept her; mind you, I did not tell her how severe the Dementia is, just that she's in bed, and has multiple Arthritis, Spinal Stenosis and severe Incontinence; she suggested I get in touch with "Helping Hands," which I did, and I'll need to fill-out a form and return it to them, at which time, someone will call and ask personal questions (income and other things, such as property, etc., she has nothing, just a small pension), and if she meets their requirements, someone will come out to evaluate/assess her; I'm not hold my breath. I was hoping that "Respite" Care, included overnight, but I was told by someone in that field, that is not something they don't do; it's daytime only. My Parent has been to E.R. 3 times, since May 20th, all for "Impaction," (sorry about the TMI); that was taken care of, and she was sent back to her Apt. It's very humiliating for me, each time I call; the Fire Dept has been here many times, and they know her well (I don't drive, otherwise I would take her). She's not always compliant with taking her Meds., and she's extremely loud (high-pitch, shrieking, words or sentences, that go on forever; I didn't know she could get up to such a high octave; quite frankly, I'm surprised the Rental Office, hasn't called or sent an official Letter, with complaints from the surround Residents). To say all of this is overwhelming for me, is putting it mildly; I have multiple health issues of my own, and they've worsened. I haven't worked in several years, not because of choice, but due to very few jobs that I would qualify for, and also, my health issues. My Brother (62) is emotionally detached, and wants no part of making decisions or having her live near him (he's set to retire in a Month or so), so that he could visit her (Nursing Home, etc); he lives in another County, and he would come out twice each Month, to help me with errands, as well as picking up additional things she or I need (Incontinence Products, when she runs out of what is provided to her, once a Month; she gets 120 each, of Pull-Ups and Liners/Chucks, which she goes through, within 1-1/2 to 3 weeks! These are covered by her secondary Insurance). I spoke with my Brother 2 1/2 weeks ago, mentioning to him, that I was contacting Agencies to find-out about having her placed somewhere near him, and he then replied, that he couldn't help with that; I told him, I wasn't asking for her to live with him, but that he should visit her 2-3 times each week, so that she wouldn't feel deserted, and a familiar face would be there; he got upset with me, when I asked him "what are you doing?" Meaning, I'm the one doing everything. I hung up on him, before he did so. I'm broken. :(

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You need to let her doctor contact APS. No one person can care for a dementia patient 24/7. There need to be 3 shifts of young, rested caregivers doing this this job.
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