Lost mom on August 17 now I can't shake the depression or whatever it is.

I am so sorry for the loss of your dear mom, my deepest condolences.

The job market in the 'black hole' of the internet these days is truly a nightmare. I know. It took me forEVER to find a job at 62 years old, and I have A LOT of skills, background, experience and references to boot!

I have a recommendation for you which I believe is a very good one. Go out and get your CNA............Certified Nursing Assistant certificate and then hire yourself out at $25/hr to people in Memory Care or Assisted Living Facilities who need extra care. You can pick & choose the clients you'd like to care for, and there are A LOT of family members who are looking for CNAs to help their parents these days. I work as a receptionist in a Memory Care community, and we have about 4 CNAs who come in regularly to help a few residents on an ongoing basis. They charge a 4 hour minimum, but a few of them do 8 or even 12 hr shifts. We have one woman who requires 2 12 hour shifts each day.............one from 8 am - 8 pm and the other from 8 pm - 8 am; I believe the rate for those shifts is charged at $20/hr. Some CNAs help clients by taking them on walks, helping with bathing, companionship even........the list is endless. There is only so much care that is given in Assisted Living, and many times, it's not enough and the families want MORE so they privately hire CNAs to do it.

You may have to work for an Agency or an ALF as a CNA for a while to get yourself established FIRST, and then you can create a client list from there. You obviously have the care giving know how and attitude, which is in GREAT DEMAND these days, that's a FACT.

Best of luck to you!

Dear Madhatter632,
I am so sorry for the loss of your mom. I just lost my mom too, September 29, after caring for her for 5 years. I retired to be with her 24/7 and now I am wondering what is it that I want to do. Grieving takes time. I lost a son, a husband, a sister, my dad, and now my mom. Look for something you feel comfortable doing and something you will be happy doing. I went to Walmart the other week and saw a young adult pushing their parent in a wheel chair and I started crying. I miss taking care of mom, she really was not hard to take care of. She had dementia and was hard of hearing, but other than that no meds of any kind. I pray for you that you find something you will enjoy doing and to let you know you are not alone in your grief. Hugs..

Madhatter, I am sorry for the loss of your mom. Please be easy on yourself as it has been only a couple of months. Everyone's grief timeline is different. I lost my mom almost 4 years ago and I still feel out of sorts many days. Today would have been her birthday, so it is especially hard this day. I have learned from this that things just take time and everyone is different. Try to take care of yourself and do little things for yourself, even small things add up. You were a good caregiver to your mom. {{Hugs}}, Katie.

I was fortunate to make it to retirement age before my DH passed, but only by a couple of years, and I went out early.

Try applying at HomeHealthCare - with your knowledge and experience, maybe you'll get lucky.

I can sympathize because I came mighty close to having to find work too.

Praying for you now.

Please get grief counseling of some kind.
it was a lifesaver for me. What you are feeling is understandable. Sometimes we can get “stuck” in grief and it’s hard to move forward. I hope you will seek it out.

First I want to say that I am sorry for the loss of your mother.  That is a life changing event for anyone and it is completely normal to be sad and out of sorts.  As far as the trouble you're having finding a job, that is normal too.  I know lots of mothers who quit school and /or their job to stay at home with their children and when they try to re-enter the job force, they feel lost because time and technology has not stopped for them.  The good news is the skillset you must have had to take care of your mom is beneficial in any field....multi-tasking, strong organizational skills, good communicator... those are valuable skills.  You could work in any office, i.e.  dr.'s office, insurance company, hospital, etc.  You could stay in the field of caregiving...advertise in the paper that you are an experienced elder care assistant who can help with errands to the store, taking someone to the dr, light housekeeping, baths and meal prep.  You could charge $20 hr and sell your time in three hour stints.  I think once you get out there, and get your feet wet, your confidence will come back in spades! Keep in mind that you have changed too over the last 10 years.  You may decide that you want to try something completely different than what you're used to.

I wish you well in this new phase of your life.

You are still in shock and disorientation from having a loved one die. Yes, your world has changed. Your mother has been the focus of your time and attention for many years. If you don't immediately need money, take some more time to adjust to your new reality. If you need to work right away, a care giving position might fit the skill set you have built up caring for your mother, but you need to be sure you are ready to focus on a new person and not just be trying to distract yourself from your own grief.

Take time every day to grieve. Cry when you need to. Write down what you are thinking and feeling. When you put your thoughts and feelings into writing, you are better able to recognize and express them. If they just stay in your head, thoughts and fears will roll around forever and never go away.

Write things "to your mother." Say what you wish you could say to her. Recognizing and expressing your feelings will sometimes make you cry, but that's OK. You need to cry to work through your grief. You need to let yourself experience the painful emotions, or they will never go away.

Don't rush into a job or activities you are not ready for. August is not very long ago. You are still all raw emotion. You are still re-living the horror story and the trauma of a loved one's death.

There will begin to be days when your mother is not the only thing you think about. Some day you will be surprised to smile at something amusing or to notice something that is beautiful. Some day you will smile at things you remember about your mother. instead of collapse in despair that she has died.

Good luck to you. Take the time you need. There is no rush.

I just saw an ad for a new type magnetic treatment apparently accepted by health insurance to treat depression. Not sure if this could help, but sometimes I worry about all the anti-depressants, and if needed, would consider checking into this treatment.

Sending you a big hug mad hatter..... I am so sorry you are going through this.

There is no one like a mom and you gave yourself to care for her - of course you are crying from this huge loss. Please call your hospice or nearest hospital to ask about grief counseling. Take walks in nature to get out of the home. Someone suggested getting a CNA - great idea! We found caregivers and agencies at care.com. Perhaps you can look there to find the local agencies that can provide you with jobs and benefits. Seems the visiting nurse services always has a shortage of aids. Can call them too.
big hug - take tender care of yourself.

Life does get better, but you will have to adapt to your new life without mom. I am sorry for your loss, and the reason why you feel so depressed has to do with the realities of life--despite your world crashing, "life goes on" and the bills will keep on coming. SO MANY caregivers sacrifice themselves. Now your main goal should be being able to support yourself, and I hope these suggestions can help you.

Your BEST BET to get a job--get something in HEALTHCARE or LAW ENFORCEMENT. There is no shortage of sick people or criminals.

(1) IF bad comes to worse, call your local hospital and ask for a sitter job. In many cases they will train you to become a Certified Nursing Assistant (CNA) but you will need to take a State exam and get a license. The hospital will reimburse you if you pass it. You may be able to swing the CNA license with online courses. It's a computer test.

If you have a CNA license it will "sweeten the pot" getting sitter and home health opportunities -- oh yeah agencies do hire them. Even hospice has CNA job openings.

(2) Call your local sheriff's office and ask if they have any jail guard positions. I remember this one dude got fired up north, and moved down with his brother; he has a wife and child and was stressful situation. I told him to call the Sheriff's office and ask for a guard job. They actually hired him and TRAINED him with on-the-job training, then he took his LAW ENFORCEMENT license and got that and been working there for over a decade now. I don't know how old you are, but local community colleges do have law enforcement courses--it's only 6 months. As long as he lives, he will never forget that suggestion, and it really got him back to the pulse of living. He moved out of his brother's home and takes care of himself.

Life really sucks. I don't know what to say. But most employers DO UNDERSTAND about Alzheimer's. They had relatives or a close loved one go through it. I would not go too much into it, but simply saying you had to take care of your mom. it will explain a long lapse why one was not working.

I wish I could give you a hug, because I really wish you well, and I'm so sorry you are going through all of this. I lost my mom just last week and I'm struggling with reintegration into the "real world".

Exercise helps depression greatly, even if you start with just a walk around the block. Grief groups help too, particularly at the beginning; it's socialization and validation in an environment where no one expects you to be "happy" or "normal". I personally like walking or even just sitting in a local park watching the small animals (mostly bird and squirrels) and children play while feeling the sun on my face. Fall afternoons are perfect here with temps in the 60s and no need to worry about sunburn!

While you work on getting the job you really want, please consider some service jobs (even part time) that allow you to connect with people. Chick-a-fil has a positive working environment and includes a position busing tables and making sure customers have drink refills and such. My 5 year old grand-nephew loves the older lady working at one local store so much he asks to go to that specific store to visit. There are other local restaurants here that need a little extra help during their rush hours; one has an 86 year old working the breakfast drive thru register because she's dependable when younger people aren't and she can easily make change. Getting back on a working schedule and getting contact with people back in your life is the important thing as you start to rebuild your life. A better job will come.

FYI: Please revisit SSI; my understanding is you don't need work credits to qualify for SSI, only financial need and being 65 or a disability if under 65.

Geez, hatter take it easy on yourself. It has only been two months. Grieving takes time and patience with yourself.

I understand the need to get back to work. I had to do it four years ago and I wanted to return to my profession. It took seven months for me to find something. I had to look in less competitive markets because locally I couldn't get an interview after four years of caregiving for mom.

Just think outside the box. Caregiving for me was a last resort. I would never be able to care for anyone else. Now I take care of me.

Best wishes to you.

i truly understand. I was there also...i’ve learned that only time heal grief......nothing else. Maybe “heal” is not a good word.....the pain and possible confusion appear less intense, Please seek professional help if you can, because it could help. sending a prayer for you now. Blessings

Your local Hospice may offer a grief group ... and it is often free ... and if they don't, they may be able to give you info about a group elsewhere. It's amazing how debilitating fresh grief is, and how much it can help to talk to people who 'get' it, and to listen to people who are having the same experience, but a little further along than you.

Many hugs!

I know this might sound crazy, but our body posture can affect our mood. That is why yoga (as well as other exercise programs) can be so life changing.

Try yoga or Pilates if you can. If they are not available to you, try standing (or even sitting) up straight, with chin slightly up. Raise both arms up, in a V position, with hands up (fingers can point to the sky or be lightly folded over the palms). Hold the position for at least 2 minutes.

Many hugs!

How come counseling doesn't come up in the responses? I go to a counselor at my job to vent when I have issues, which isn't that often. But it helps. If you go to church, talk to someone, be it a pastor or his wife. Sometimes,just "moving on" isn't the only thing that you need to do. Need the extra bit of help and more encouragement. Not saying that there isn't any in this group. There is ! A lot of it. Hope you can find a job soon! Big hugs to you!

Neither does any other government that I know of, MH :)

Which I'd mind a bit less if they didn't pay it so much lip service, if you know what I mean?

Just hugs. You won't feel like this for ever, things will get better, but it takes time and it's hard. Fellow feeling to you.

I've been thinking of continuing caregiving helping others seems to be where my heart is at but money is needed just to survive I lost my mom, job and home all in one shot, mom was living in a 55 and over community and I couldn't afford the lot fees even if they would let me stay... I declined the property inheritance to avoid being sucked dry by this HOA... mom couldn't afford the lot fees but I somehow managed her money and made it through each month, wasn't easy but I pulled it off... We never had money for personal wants if it wasn't for the tiny life insurance I'd be on the streets already.
The US Government doesn't reconize a family caregivers sacrafice.
I try and take time for myself but I'm on a knifes edge of just getting by.

Thanks for the support it does mean a lot to me... just taking things one day at a time.

Gosh - thought I was reading my own story to a point.
Been working and caring most of the 27 years I cared but after 2 operations where I couldn’t work for 18 months yet had to continue caring somehow - then redundancy....
Been 4 years - 2 since dad died and still not had any help re work, disability or finance. (I was “good” and saved previously - more fool me!)

its early days yet for you and I hope USA help is better. Personally it sounds like you need a little time to recover from depression after your recent loss of your lovely mum before thinking of work - unless just a few hrs voluntary would help?

After caring for so long it does tend to feel like the world has moved on and left us behind. Maybe some refresher courses in whatever you did before? I thought of doing more caregiving - there’s plenty out there deserving of decent support - but after so long doing that plus working and coping with own disabilities, I’ve had to admit I just wouldn’t have the stamina for a full time job at it.

You deserve so much more and once you’ve allowed yourself some grieving time, think about what you’d like to do rather than “need a job” and ask for help in training or retraining if a new career choice.

It will get better - honestly - I’ve finally gone in a completely new direction - and getting support and advice - though still no money - yet!

Mad, do you have a doctor? Can you get yourself in there to be seen and evaluated for depression? This sounds like it's a bit more than "just" grief.

I'm so proud that you've been sending out resumes and been out on interview! Two months after MY mom died, I was still mostly zombie-like. Oh, I went back to work, but I didn't really accomplish anything, just went through the motions. So I think that you are WAY ahead of the game here.

But the anxiety and stress of being jobless (you lost your job AS WELL as your mom when she passed) has left you with a profound lack of structure in your life.

I think you need to get in touch with your doc and then make yourself a schedule; Library, exercise class if you have a free one nearby, grocery shopping, volunteer opportunity. Make there be something everyday that you have to get to.

((((hugs))))))

I can tell you why you are crying and it’s normal. You are grieving. I’m so sorry. One day at the time.

You will find a job too. An opportunity will open up. Maybe volunteer in the mean time.

Get your resume ready. Start networking. It will happen.

Take care and many, many hugs to you.