Loss of myself! Help I've lost who I am? I fear I will get sick!


I care for my Aspergers little boy, a little daughter who has Tuberous Sclerosis, (my dad/brother died a yr ago) I care for an emotionally needy disabled mother with multiple medical problems. Alot of stuff and I do this without the help of my sister who comes to visit 1 or 2 times a week! She lives 2 blocks away! She is a narcissitic person so I am used to this. Anyway, mom lately is mean to me because I refuse to be at my sisters beckon call! I am fine without her I love her from far away! her family is all about them and no one else matters! Yet since my mom misses/craves for their love she expects me to jump when they NEED something! How can I tell my mom off without hurting her feelings! I love mother so much but I respect myself enough to have to tell her that I am HERE mom I am the one caring,loving, and helping you especially when you have your nightime scares/ or crying. LOOK at ME mother! I am the one who DOES NOT EVER IGNORE YOU! sorry.... i'm so emotional right now!

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Cryssy02 I think the way Caprica suggested you handle the situation is great. If you do that and your Mother's attitude doesn't change then you are going to have to just say no and disconnect emotionally from what they think. I know it's hard but it's part of self preservation. You sound like a really giving person and already do way to much and sometimes when we are like that others really take advantage. I've had my own issues with having to say NO and let go of what others might think or say as a result. Anyone with half a brain can see how selfish others are when they take advantage, all but of course the ones doing it. Carve out some time for yourself and tell Mother and Sister you are doing the best you can but cannot do everything and add a little dammit in there if you feel it's needed. It might make others scowl but it will sure feel great for you. xoxo

Awwh, my dear! Hang in there! I think you have a great sense of yourself - just tired, hurt/emotionally overwrought.

If moments come up when your Mom is having a better day, you can try having a chat with her to let her know that you understand that she misses your sister and feels you should help her when they need something, but since you yourself are caring for your kids as well as her, and your sister seldom comes by to help with her - you yourself are quite drained sometimes, and you can only do so much, but you are and continue to be there for her, and it would help you so much if she could agree to letting your sister work on solving things on her own. All the best!