For those of you who have not seen me on the boards in a while, my MIL was rushed to ER over two weeks ago with fluid in her lungs, etc. She ended up within a week coding twice and needed an emergency quad bypass.

She passed away, or I should say gave up on April 16th. She was in the cardiac unit and her daughter was with her helping her shower. When she came back out and sat in the cardiac chair, her daughter said you could just see it in her eyes. She didn't want this life anymore. Seconds later she coded and was gone.

My husband (her son) is coping better with it than I. She was more of a mother to me than my own mother was. She was my buddy, helped me with so much in life. It has just left a huge hole.

When I saw my own mother (for those of you who have read my past posts) she reacted more shocked about this one than when her own sister passed away about a month ago. But quickly mom went back to her selfish ways. I'll give you an example....

Last week when I told her about my MIL, and that the recovery would probably fall mostly on my husband and I, my mother got ticked off because she would not be getting the attention. You could see it in her eyes. She promptly stated that for the past two weeks (while my husband's mother was in the hospital), she had sporadic slurred speech but that she was fine now. Come to find out that my mother actually told the nurse she had slurred speech and believed she was having a stroke (which was NOT true).

I just can't help but cry at the thought of losing a friend, despite how we disagreed. My husband can't believe I'm taking the loss of his mother harder than he is. I tried to explain to him that my parents all my life swept death under the rug and I never knew until months later about family members passing. I'd never been "close" to it so to speak. Then on top of never having a functional mother just added to all this.

Anyway, I've missed everyone, and thank you in advance. It has just been a lousy few weeks, and definitely unexpected. I just can't believe that she gave up like that... almost instantly. I stand shocked and bewildered. I just don't get it.

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The thing that makes this worse is that just over a month ago I lost my aunt out of state who I loved and was close too as well. It just seems like people are being ripped away that I was close to. It's not that I don't get death, I do. This one though I just don't understand why she gave up. She was never a person to do that.

In time I'll realize that something that will change my perspective. Right now I just stand shocked. I miss my aunt that I could call on a dime and chat with. My MIL the same thing. My MIL would go over paint samples with me, etc. She was a functional mother to me where mine lacks completely.

Anyway, thank you.

Dear Mitzi, God will help in your time of need. He will comfort you. As you heal, it will be less difficult to minister to your mom and dad. God can help you feel compassion and pity for your mom. As you serve her, you are serving him. Ask him to help you see things through his eyes, and love from his heart. I am sorry for your loss, pain, shock and bewilderment. We have our ideas about how things should go, and it's a rude awakening when they don't go according to our desires. You will heal, and gain back your strength and perspective as you ask God for help. And you will learn and grow from these experiences. You will again be the comforter to others that you were. You writing about your pain helps others, even now. Go to the sheltering arms of your creator, and let him be your shield. He understands and cares about you, and so do we. Love, your friend, Anne

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