I thought I was alone when it came to losing my mother-daughter relationship from caregiving.

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My mother moved in with us 2 years ago. She always has been very self-centered. My father did everything for her. She expected everything she wanted and he gave it to her. Now living with me, she is very demanding and wants what she wants when she wants it. She has said some very nasty things to me that have been very hurtful. I have shed many tears. I do have one sister but she is mentally not well and can't take care of herself, so, I am alone. My husband travels for his job and so I deal with this mostly alone. She doesn't let me have any kind of a life, if I have time for myself then I should be doing something for her. I hate to have the feelings that I have. I don't have a mother-daughter relationship anymore. It is a queen and her servant. I am getting to the point that I don't even like her anymore and I cringe when I hear her walker coming. I do not like this feeling.

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Thanks, Austin and Neon. kycady, I do pray you and Dad's needs are met without further delays. This is tough stuff, and far too hard and complicated sometimes to do alone.
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Anne- I hope all goes well with the move of your Mom and that things can go a little easier for you take care dear lady.
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Anne, Thank you... I sent the above mail to my cousin... but, no response... and actually my BF was more like his father than mine... it's not Chris' fault... I know that... but, when I can't sleep, I am a wreck... today I feel a little better. I have one friend here who is VERY supportive, but she works full-time/and part-time and e-mails once a week... she is there in a pinch... but, I was depending on the doctor OKing hospice. Even Hospice said to get an order regardless.. because term of life is variable & only God determines that... so if he lives longer than expected (which would be good - I wish him no ill), they would still be able to help, even stop over a couple times a week. I got VA assistance finally after 1 year of working on it. So we have $900.00 coming in a month. His SS helps pay food & his health insurance is good.

I had to give mine up... it was awful anyways... haven't had a mammogram in 2 years & am very at risk.... I am looking into free clinics. I was working at home for a contractor but that contract dried up. I am very on edge til Monday... but, I'm so worried that these doctors will just want to operate & not ok hospice - I am not equiped to take care of a bedridden cancer & Alzhmeier's patient alone... I don't have the strength... I know that... Monday will tell... thank you for letting me vent...
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I have a tip, throw everything away, except those family photos, and important papers, and only keep a few important momentos, the rest can go to goodwill, or some other charity, and just start over fresh. Good luck Anne!
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Just when I thought I was doing it all, I find my sister has been calling Mom everyday to check on her for the past several months... And right now she's driving from Michigan to Illinois to help me pack Mom's things for a 200 mile move. My husband, son and I are driving down to help, bring things back up here, then go back down for Mom next week. So glad my sister's coming. We've been estranged since December, until Mom's surgery three weeks ago. Now I pray we can work well together, bridge the gap, and heal. All of us. Mom will have a very difficult time through all of this, and probably so will we, so we appreciate your prayers. Thanks. Got any moving tips???
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Seam, I'm so glad you found this site. There are terrific people here who will share their experiences and the knowledge they've gain through living in the trenches of caregiving. Most of us have had experiences similar to yours.

You are not isolated or alone. Please keep coming back her for support.
Carol
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Dear tired, lonely, hurting sister, how can we help? My goodness, where's the rest of your family? Neighbors? Church? What can we do??? Have you contacted the Commission of Aging? Someone, anyone. Is Dad a Veteran? Services are available for people like you, such as Social Services, etc. You definitely need help. What State do you live in? Tell your cousin you need more help, before you're calling 911 for yourself. I can't imagine the grief and pain you must be feeling right now. Wish I could drop of a meal, some flowers, and home health care and respite for you. I'll email, also. Know you're loved and prayer support is yours.
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My birthfather now has lung cancer... I've been taking care of him all by myself for 6 years. Now, my cousin is coming to say his goodbyes at the end of the month. That is it - never calls to ask how I am doing ... I've been getting very sick everytime I take my bf to the hospital for his workup... now the pulmonary doctor said (in a message at 5:00 & I couldn't call him back) that he has "good news" leaving me hanging all weekend. This probably means the PETScan revealed no other cancer but his renal & lung which means hospice may not be approved and I will have NOONE to help me. I've been very sick on and off for the last month. So I am guilt ridden for wanting hospice... (cause that means he will be dying)... he's 80 years old & I've only known him for 6 years. I have no more health insurance & am totally broke. I can't even think straight anymore.... I just woke up from a terrifying nightmare. I was in the hospital w/Chris for a PETSCan yesterday... people all over with masks - it was horrible... I probably will be very sick very soon & not be able to do anything. Have no friends, family or neighbors who will help.
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Seems we find some interesting discussions when we've been up late and posting like this in days past. LOL take care, all and see you in the AM. Pleasant REM!
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Alone because you are? And what about Dad? What does he want/need? What's best for both? Have you prayed about all this? (I'm sure you have.) Let's just pray that God will show you a way for it to all work out. Nothing's perfect, but God can smooth the way. Perhaps you can't see it, but you're an angel too. Probably more than me. Remember, I'm the feisty one!
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