Even though mother has been gone 3 yrs Oct 1st, she still comes to me if I'm up in the early morning hours of 2:00 or 3:00. She whistles very lightly to me, I stop what I'm doing and talk to her. I know that sounds strange but it's the honest to Gods truth.
My dad died in 1989, I've had one "vivid" dream, I dreamt he was standing in our bedroom doorway (he'd already passed away), I sat up in bed and said "Dad, what are you doing here?" my husband woke and asked who I was talking to.
That was the only time I'd had any dreams of him, until mother died. Now once in awhile I smell cigarette smoke, he used to smoke and I know he's come to say hello.
I KNOW anyone that's read this is thinking I've lost my mind, but I'm just as sane as the next person...ok ...every other person...;) and things have happened to my youngest daughter whom she was closest to out of three children we have. I never get scared, it's more of a comfort feeling, knowing they're around helping us out.

Finding out last week, after having a heart cath done at a physician owned hospital, my HUSBAND of 48 yrs has 4 blocked arteries, 30% blocked carotid artery and damage to the back of his heart. I honestly think this stems from a work accident 28 yrs ago that would've killed any other man. Open heart surgery is out of the question due to the blood clots, some are stringy, others are spotty in places that a stent wouldn't make sense.
The drs prescribed Lipitor and sent him home !!!!!!!!!!

We saw our family physician, he changed his meds to Crestor something stronger for the clots, put him on Omega 2000 mgs and Niacin which opens the arteries. Changed "our" way of eating, not a diet, he's lost over 15 lbs, (I only lost 8) but I love ice cream and don't have any problems in that area. He's feeling better...said he could look down now and see his, I know that feeling and I'm walking on egg shells, as my Dr. stated.
We've gotten the financial items cleared in case something happens, but he's a veteran and will already have a plot, I don't know how that works with a wife.

This all hit us in the face, fast and furious...we both already knew life was short, time is precious and everyday counts, but this brings things into focus...down to the casket which we've not done yet. I remember going with my mother when she wanted to pick out her casket, she always told me "everyone has to die, it's a normal part of life" mom, made it a little easier to accept but no less easier having her gone.
She was my best friend, shopping buddy and we ALWAYS ended up wearing the same colors of clothes when I went to pick her up at the Manor where she lived in an apt. It was so ironic. It happened 99% of the time.
If you've read all this....and You've gotten to this point listening to me, I can never thank you enough for being so caring, compassionate and loyal to being a "caregiver", because You just showed how much You do care, I Love You for it. God Bless.

This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
Find Care & Housing
Maure, your posting has really hit home with me in several ways, My mom passed away three years ago, and her birthday is October 1. Every October 1, from now on, we will be missing our moms. For some reason, I feel closer to my mom on that day even more than on the day she passed away. I will think of you on all future October 1s! My husband and I have been together for 22 years. This is second marriage for both of us, but first time to know what truly loving someone is. He is 19 years older than I, and we realized he would be going through the aging process before I would. I prayed that God would just give us 15 yrs of good health and happiness when we finally found each other. We, too, are living on borrowed time. Since January, we have discovered that what he thought were cataracts was Glacoma, and he has permanently lost 70% of his vision. This set in motion my having to give up my post retirement, part time teaching position that was a really important part of my life, becoming the full time driver, and many other changes in both of our lives. When the opthomalogist was ready to do surgery on one of my husband's eyes, it was cancelled because of a severe heart problem. Since then, life has been a series of medical appointments, tests, prescriptions, and blood work. We are not sure if anything can be done to save the remaining portion of his vision or not. We are not sure about the results of some of the latest heart tests and blood work. Tonight, just before reading your posting, I noticed that his feet are swollen, the left more than the right. His balance is getting worse. He has aged a year in the last six months. The doctors have warned us that he was, and probably is, subject to have a stroke or heart attack at any time. Fortunately, we had already taken care of wills and all of the other legal and personal arrangements. Among those things in our lives that are happening now, though, we are doing everything we can to live life to its fullest and to make memories that will always be special. We are much more relaxed about worrying about the things that once seemed so important, and we are acting like newlyweds again. We are planning a cruise, which is one of favorite ways to vacation. Two weeks from now, one of our daughters, her husband, and their daughter (our only granddaughter of 6 grandchildren!) are coming to visit for a few days. I miss teaching and my students, but I am enjoying a closeness with my husband that we both took for granted before these changes began. So, you are right, situations like yours and ours are reminders that we never know what our futures hold or how long they will last. You and I were fortunate to have loving and caring mothers who prepared us for death being a natural part of life. We can deny it, ignore it, be angry about it; or, we can accept it and enjoy every moment of the time we have left on earth. Thank you for sharing with the readers of this wonderful website. I know you revived many memories in all of us and reminded us of the shortness of life. My hope is that you and our husband enjoy your best times together, as my husband and I are doing. Keep on talking to you mom. She is always there for you.

"I honestly think this stems from a work accident 28 yrs ago that would've killed any other man."

Wow! So you have already had 28 years of "bonus" time together. That is surely something to celebrate! And now you have gotten an advance notice to get your affairs in order. That, too, is a very valuable gift. It is good that you are doing the appropriate paperwork and funeral prep. The other thing you really need to do is enjoy as many more memorable occasions as you can together. If hubby is up to travelling, take a cruise, or visit a national park, or go somewhere you've always thought about going "someday." See plays, go to concerts, have picnics in the park, invite relatives you haven't seen for a while to join you. Fish. Play cards. Do whatever it is that you enjoy doing together. One of you will die first. Build the memories that will sustain the survivor. Life is not over until the last breath. Grab as much joy as you can for the rest of your lives together.

I am so glad my husband and I did as much memory-making as we could during the ten years he had dementia before he died.

I understand the 'visiting' you shared.... has happened to are not alone nor are you crazy.... I am so sorry to hear about your hubby.... such a necessary but sad thing for the two of you to have to do. But you will have less worries when things are taken care of..... and more time to concentrate on the things that are important... spending time together and talking about things that are just between the two of you..... we are here for you Maure..... you are not alone and keep us updated and share what is going on with you also..... sending hugs of appreciation for you sharing with us....

Start a Discussion
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter