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All of u my forum peeps ..thank u .. I've been had enough after 4 years . my life is not mine. I'm tired of processing my mothers life, home, finances. And all problems . Its not my life its hers. My niece picked her up till Monday. Thank GOD some mental peace. Blessings ..
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Ive been in jail and its a nice break compared to being a health care provider. I had my own cell, day room, recreation, didn't have to cook, or clean and was not yelled at.Jail is better, you have greater peace there.
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Countrymouse- thank u for your wisdom it feels really good to know that there are others who understand.
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Hadenough I don't know why I'm laughing. I came to your post because I'd just forgotten my internet password (again) and had a minute while I waited for the reminder email.

But what you said about socially awkward pauses… so there you are thinking oh God I can't think of any conversation… and there they are thinking she's wonderful looking after her mother, oh God I couldn't do that I feel such a worm… and then you really can't think of anything to say… and then they think oh God if I did caregiving I'd be standing at parties like a tin of milk too, like her, poor thing…

I know what you mean about Mommy brain, but what irked me about that was that, the second you told anyone you had small children, they automatically assumed you'd have nothing interesting to say and became extremely dull people to talk to. I.e. it wasn't us, it was them!

Look, it's not like there isn't a lifetime of interesting and intelligent discourse going on on this very site, is it? I have to tell you, I also belong to a copywriters' forum, and oh my goodness they don't half rate themselves. But when it comes to content, form, meaning and communication, AC has every one of those cocky little so-and-sos licked. Empty shells? Not a bit of it. What we are is living under permanent fire.

Oh. And now I've realised I'm looking at page one of this thread and there are another 24 posts to read. Eheu! Which is Latin for 'alas.' Only took me 90 seconds to bring it to mind… See? We're doing fine :/
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bax would she not move to an AL?
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baxterri it always amazes me when i see the jobs of these siblings how they provide a service for strangers but wont even care about thier own mum? the worst i heard here was a sibling was a preacher in the local church but left his sister to do all the care and never helped out? my sister is a born again christian hasnt spoken to mum in years or is even concerned about her health?

I know what youre saying cant live with her in peace and cant leave because of the guilt mums moods are getting worse i hope too her doc can give her something to calm her soon! but thankgod you have a caring niece im the only one here who seems to give a d*mn about mum here? i still dont know how siblings can be so selfish?
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Can't live with her in peace can't live without her for feeling guilty. Its rough when your life is not yours anymore. I love my mother but she is not the same mom anymore. My niece and I are the only ones concerned. My brothers are detached and oblivious to her downfall. My niece is talking to her doctor and trying 2 get our mom some mood medicines. That will calm her hateful h*ll cat attitude down. We Dont want her sedated just nicer and not so accusing if that's possible.still. ...I truely am thinking of moving and letting Mr humanitarian my fire fighter brother deal with her if all else fails.
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Is there a magic potion that us Caregivers can take to help us remember things? Today at my parents house I was telling my Mom what was going to be on sale at the grocery store, and for the life of me I had a difficult time remembering "stuff peppers" [of course, now it pops into my brain].

That startled me, but I have to keep reminding myself I literally have two households to keep running.

In the past I use to go grocery shopping without a list.... now in the past year since my parents don't physically go grocery shopping with me anymore, I have to have two lists.... thank goodness for on-line grocery shopping, but still I have to keep track of their list on-line and my list on-line.

Then I have to keep track of my medical issues and medicines, and have knowledge of my sig others medical issues/meds.... and keep track of my Mom's issues/meds and my Dad's issue/meds. When who needs to go to the doctor, etc. Too much for me to keep track of :P
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Oh my gosh, this morning I forgot what year it was.... geeze.... that freaked me out.... I think some of it had to do with the telephone ringing this morning while I was still asleep, it was Dad telling me their car wouldn't start.... oh, thanks, Dad.... at my parent's house, they wake up before sunrise :P
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That sounds lovely.
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Well, I spent about 3 hours gardening, pausing to watch 2 little white butterflies chasing each other, 2 birds which I've never seen before and can't identify, discovering an apparent wildflower I've never seen before in bloom, weeding and hacking down junk trees.

And I feel positively brilliant! There's nothing like communing with nature to restore a wounded soul or a congested mind.
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My sister-in-law was asking for some random password that my Mother had created for her tv account. When I said that I had no idea she responded with "don't you save anything!" Give me a break - I can barely remember my own passwords but I do love the idea of a password book. Great suggestion - I am going to staples tomorrow to get one.
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kazza, welcome to the club... I bet we have many members.... seems like we are always being asked to sign up for this or that, and to come up with a password. I like to use the same one for everything, but sure enough there will be a website that ask for not only 6 letters but to add numbers in the password which will throw me off :P

Or at work, a website will ask to update a password with a new one. NOOOOOOO.... I don't want to remember a brand new password !!!!

To remember passwords at home I print the first page of a website and write on top the passwords and put it into a 3 ring binder. That has saved me a lot of frustration.
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My sister gave me a password book. The idea is like a small address book, but there are lines for website, login or user name, password and a few extra lines for notes. It's divided by alphabet like and address book and small. Super idea and I'm using it a lot. All in one place, lovely.
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I have forgotten my passwords for emails alot lately and am fed up changing them just cant think straight sometimes ive even made them easy to remember???? so frustrating! its not old age its stress!
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Last night I was thinking about how many things I couldn't remember, and it scared me. I tried to type something and kept stumbling across words forgetting how they were spelled [was never a great speller to begin with], one mental block after another. Thank goodness I wasn't trying to write the great American novel.

I know I feel overwhelmed at times, each day feels the same, every telephone call to my parents is the same thing like "what do you think of the weather?" "did you do any yard work?|" when I talk to my Dad.... and because of Mom's hearing, I am repeating every sentence or rephrasing hoping she will understand.
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Not much of help to add. Just want to say: Me too. You are definitely not alone.
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Start reading classic literature and watch documentaries. Download history quizzes, vocabulary challenges, etc
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I've thought about this a lot and think that it might be due to the fact that caregiving requires a shift in focus from universal, global thinking to minute by minute thinking. The planning changes from long term to short term.

It's almost as if caregivers are swallowed up by their need to focus on what noncaregivers might consider minutiae.

I'm sure someday the DSM will include something like Caregiver Brain Syndrome for those affected by this phenomenon.
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My husband retired in March and is helping with the caregiving, and just this morning said that his score was going down in Lumosity and that he was getting dumber. I apologized to him (because I encouraged him to retire), and told him that he was getting "caregivers brain". Funny this topic comes up now. After 3 years of this I'm totally brain dead.
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I'm a big talker. Lately, I just want to re-group. alone. Life has shifted, emotionally abusive mind-f*ck of a boyfriend gone again (and for good, I will SEE to THAT!) and now... well, now it's just like, "what's next?" in terms of MY life? For now, ain't gonna be much. Taking care of mom. Keeping my word to dad on his deathbed that I would take care of her. Being there for the kids. Working 1x a week with a counselor with my STILL husband after 8 years apart, to put our marriage back together, and remembering to put on deodorant! that's enough for me right now!
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Count me in! I noticed the other day, how most of the time if my husband asks me a conversational question, like "Do you think that...?" or "What if...?", my answer is most often either "yes", "no", or "I don't know." I don't contribute a whole lot to conversations lately. I do listen, I've always been more of a listener anyway, but I reach a threshold where after a while, I'm DONE, and whatever else is being said is all just clicks and buzzes.
I also have much less tolerance for people who (to me, anyway) complain, gripe, b*tch too much for my liking. It might not be excessive to a non-care-giver, but for me, I just want to yell at them to shut up and pull their head of their a-- already! Hee hee hee...
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They say learning a new language OR doing crosswords,reading anything to keep your brain active also the omegas and coconut oil which i take everyday and getting lots of fresh air!
Nikki i know what you mean i too just veg when shes asleep or in bed. I do go for a walk in the morning or i would be brain dead!
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oh please. Loaded question!!! Yes, brain cells are depleting, doing two-for-one living here. As far as socializing, what's that? What friends? Nope, it's me, mom and the 2 teenagers, (BF is gone, so that is actually better for my health!) but with it just us, I really just want to veg out alone with the remote when mom isn't needing something. awful, isn't it?
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I laughed out loud when I read your question. Yes, sometimes I feel like that. I try to expose myself to different things...public radio, the local daily paper, a Canadian radio show or two, the BBC late at night, reading library books, lots of tv, a support group when I can get there, another group on women and finance, etc. There's not much conversation in my household, so exposure to other adults, even on a tv show helps. Watching intelligent conversation such as Charlie Rose or a nature or travel show is good. Interacting with real people isn't hard at all for me yet but I've got a long way to go on my caregiving journey. Catch me in another year and I'll be pretty ditzy.
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hadenough, I am so glad you brought this up about not feeling as sharp or smart as you once were.... OMG I thought I was alone with this.... at work there are times I feel like a zombie but thank goodness my boss understands as he's doing caregiving, also. We figure between the two of us there has to be at least one brain :)

I use to pride myself with being quite sharp, being able to solve problems and come up with great new ideas. I find myself now so mentally and physically drained. I use to love doing research on politics, it was a hobby, but my brain's file drawers are filled to the brim with worry about my aging parents. I don't even want to call up my friends or go out of the house once I am back home. Oh well, I still can have a conversation with one of my cats who has a huge vocabulary, so not all is lost :)
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So good to know that I am not alone. Does not mean it is easier but at least others understand how isolating being a caregiver can be. Family dinners which used to be fun are now just filled with resentments. I am now working up my letter to my sibs about needing more respite and some kind of compensation for what I am doing. In reality I am just saving them all money. No one sends anymore money for Mom since I moved in, my savings are being eaten up because my Mom still thinks it is the depression and will not spend a dime on anything. I refused to live in her home the way it was and cleaned, fixed all the crap, redid the backyard and put in hardwood floors. All out of my own pocket. I am sick of this and ready to leave if my brother and sister do not step up. I get so angry thinking about it that I can not even approach them because I am afraid the volcano will erupt and I will say things that can never be taken back.
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Lol @ kazzaa! When you're on holiday just reinvent yourself hahaha say that you're stripper if someone asks you your occupation. Make up an answer and have fun with it! You'll have something to chuckle about when you're cleaning up an accident lol
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Im off for a weeks holiday and im nervous as i dont go out at all? so im nervous about socialising? yeh like what have i got to talk about mum flinging her depends out her bedroom window!! i go to my friends next door at weekend for a drink but as her mum died from als the conversation always reverts back to this so i cant really get away from it.
another friend used to call every week but shes go a man now and dosnt bother calling which i miss.
Yes its going to be scary and interesting meeting new people and having stuff to talk about just hope i dont bump into another CARER!!! LOL
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I feel that way too sometimes. I try my hardest to keep doing things that I enjoy such as the simplest thing of listening to music. I've had to really just work around everything. Like right now for instance. I'm feeding my grandmother breakfast haha. Feels like the only interaction I have with the outside world is social media so I'm checking it every hour so I don't miss anything being that I'm only 23. Even when I go out with my friends, I feel guilty when they ask me how my nana is because I really don't want to talk about her or think about her. I just want a few hours to be one person and not two. You just have to remind yourself that you do it because you care for your parents. I can't even bring myself to put my nana in respite care because I'm scared she'll pass away without me there.
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