This is not a question, it’s more of a rant if I can even call it that, because this is the only site I know of where I know people will be able to relate. Losing a loved one to dementia is so incredibly painful. Something that I don't feel is talked about enough in culture or society. I'm currently going through this with my aunt who I use to be very close to. Now because of dementia I can't be close to her. And I have it easy compared to most. She's not nasty or difficult to get along with. She's just so out of it now. It's so painful to watch. And the fact that there is nothing I can do to stop it makes it even worse. She has deteriorated so rapidly. Just two years ago, she was the smartest person I knew. Yesterday, I sent her a text just saying I love you. Today she called me and said "I'm not ignoring you, I just haven't been able to figure out how to text you back." She has had this phone for over a year now, but she's forgetting how to use it. Now it looks like she's lost the ability to text. She's the one who got me into texting many years ago when texting first became a thing 😥.
The worst part is, I can't be there for her because dementia has clouded her judgement so much that she lets my homeless, drug addict cousin stay with her, and I have a restraining order against him because he is out of control and has assaulted me in the past. So, I just have to love her from a distance and only communicate with her over the phone, which she is quickly forgetting how to use. Maybe someone will read this and relate. Maybe nobody will. But if you can relate to it, just know that my heart breaks for you.
It was also sad to see Dad not able to use his computer. As a hobby he use to do computer code for software programs that he created. He was heartbroken as technology was moving faster than he was able to learn. Even I was having problems learning it, and here in the past I have done beta testing for new software.
Forget about cellphones. I knew my Dad wouldn't use one as his brain was ingrained with how to use the landline, so is my brain. Dad had a portable landline phone but he kept forgetting to set it in the cradle to charge, would forget to turn off the phone after a call, would misplace it, things just weren't simple any more, dementia or not. He went back to the sit on the desk and wall phone landline, hello old friend :)
Even I no longer text on my cellphone. It is so much quicker to just call someone. I just have it for emergencies if I am on the road, it's my phonebooth in my purse, just wish it would cost only 25 cents to make a call. Maybe it is time for your Aunt to go back to a landline, she could use it blindfolded :)
It's not talked about because it either freaks people out, or people don't think it will ever apply to them, or they have 0 experience with it and cannot relate to it at all so they don't think it's a relevant topic — it's just an "old people" thing. Then cannot even begin to imagine the impact it has on the person and their family/caregivers.
I personally don't think it will ever be any different.
I'm so sorry for your sorrow. Everything about dementia is hard and sucks. Thank goodness for this forum. May you receive peace in your heart.
It should be a good reminder to us all that we should tell the people we care about that we love them while we can and while they understand, and to treat them with respect, as we never know what our future will hold for us, and as we all know....what goes around comes around.
So keep on loving your aunt, even if it's from afar, and know that she loves you too, despite her now broken brain.
You will be a better, stronger and more compassionate person when this is all said and done.
God bless you.