I have been caring for my sweety now for 7 yrs. He is sleeping more and more. Even when he sleeps all night he claims he hasn't slept at all. He is bipolar as well. We are not married, he is still legally married, but his family don't care about him. Anyway, I am tired of caring for people. I recently got on ssi for fibromyalgia. I don't get enough to live on my own. He is retired now. But he even tries to overdose on his meds when I leave to shop for food. In May he went 30 days with no nutrition. He can't eat food, and can barely swallow a Boost plus. But he is willing to choke down whiskey straight and Chase it with water. Tho half the time it comes out his nose. I can't travel, or go see my own kids who live 2 hrs north of me. He hates having company, so I have lost most of friends and family! All I think about and pray about is him dying and hurrying up!!! And every day I feel guilty about it. Anyone got a solution?? Please don't tell me to leave him. We have been together for 15 yrs. I promised him I would care for him if anything like this ever happened. And I mean to keep my promises as I learned at an early age, promises were made to be broken.
I have gained some weight because some days I feel defeated. I keep home clean, I pay the bills, I shop. But I don't go out to eat, or have a little fun. Drowning in my own fears of leaving and him dying alone.