I've been taking care of my mother with vascular dementia (VaD) for over six years now. We live in her home. Life has always been a challenge with her. She is messy and obsessive, getting stuck on certain problems that go through her mind again and again. She may forget what day it is, but she remembers the things that are bothering her. Unfortunately, all the things are delusional.
She has had an obsession since 2012 about the floors of the house. They are on stilts and let air blow through the cracks. They sink under her when she walks (common with VaD). Last year a new obsession with her hands came in. She touched something in the back room that made her fingers turn red and get numb on the end. Her palms are red and her fingers work fine, so I don't know. The latest obsession is that the neighbors are sending their water into our yard and flooding it -- not happening. Each day I go in the room and she starts. She is so mad at the neighbors for doing what they're doing. She wants me to get someone out to fix it. And she has a good mind to go tell the neighbors what she thinks. (Pause to look at hands) She goes on to tell me that she got hold of something in the back room and what it did to her hands, and that she need to go to the doctor. (Pause again) And when am I going to call my "friends" to do something about the floor. She tells me how she feels. (Stops to reflect) But what she is most mad about is the neighbors for doing what they're doing... and it loops about. Her mind is stuck in the loop.
What I do is to tell her to think positive thoughts and not fill her mind with so many bad things. Doesn't work. She listens then goes back to being really mad at what the neighbors are doing. Sigh. It is like watching rumination done out loud. She can work herself into a real snit.
I know most people here won't have an answer. I just needed to tell someone. I did tell her doctor that she had a lot of anger now. I let my mother tell her the story about the neighbors, then pointed to my head. I think the doctor understood, but didn't know what to do. Antidepressants and anxiolytics haven't worked. It's just something we have to go through.