Life after the loss of your loved one...

Dear CatLadyNM,

My deepest condolences and sympathies on the passing of your daddy. I'm so sorry for your loss. Even though we know our parents are getting older, I don't think we know how we will feel till that moment. Its a terrible shock. Normal and natural to feel as you do since its only been a month and half since your dad's passing. Six months later I still feel very disoriented. I am crying tonight over my daddy again. Till thinking I could have done something different to save him.

And I think the stress of worrying about your mom is also not easy. Have you considered talking to a counselor or joining a support group? There are so many programs for grievers in the community and through the church. Thinking of you.

my bf drove me to my dad's place and stone at the Vet's cemetery.
It was VERY strange to see his name on there in public for all to see.... i still cannot accept - i cannt even type it. At least the stone read "Our Hero - Adventurer "

cdnreader, Thank you for your kind words. I have been so tied up in trying to help complete things that I had not thought about support. I will see what I can find.

micalost - I am sorry for your loss. We are so similar. My dad is buried in the Vet's cemetery located an hour away in another city. We have not been able to visit because of the weather. They should have placed the headstone by now, since it has been more than a month. We had quite the surprise when they finished showing honors and we met with the cemetery manager to verify information for the headstone. I am honored to say that it will read World War II, Korea and Vietnam! He was active Navy during WWII. During Korea and Vietnam he was Naval Reserves therefore it is called service during a time of war.

bf drove me to see dads stone with the flags (Memorial Day)
I brought a patriotic Pinwheel... and held in the torrent of tears that wanted to burst forth and to lay on the ground and bawl. But i didnt because bf was there to "Pay his respects" . Everything is hard these days, i cannot file papers, cannot see any pictures, a flag sets me off - its been a year and instead of getting easier it is getting harder

Mica: I thought I'd be back to my old self at 1 year. Not so much. Be patient with yourself. Someone on here said, "grief is not linear." How true.

nods.... and then a couple days go by and I am fine- I think it is just that I never have any time alone to let out feelings

first father's day without him.....

It hurts so much that Dad is gone and it's Father's Day.I couldn't have had a kinder or funnier Dad.He was something else and I really pray I get to see and be with him again someday.He left way too young,at 65,so it's my 25th Father's Day without Dad and it still hurts.

Mother was always SO thrilled that she had the 3 of her children born Christmas week and she called us her "Christmas babies" and we even made the newspaper about it one time.At her funeral,there were audible gasps when the Minister announced she died on my Birthday I'll never forget.I'm sure it was the last thing she'd have wanted to happen.It still hurts.

Dear Luckylu,

Thank you for sharing your mom and dad with us. I'm so sorry my friend. I know how much you loved them both. It is hard to know that your mom passed on your birthday. Did I ever tell you, I am the same age my dad was when I was born, the same age when he passed. I wonder if that mirror is suppose to mean something? Or if I am supposed to give it meaning.

I had stopped posting for about a month, but decided to come back for a little bit. Father's Day was especially hard. I had to go to the cemetery alone to see him. None of my siblings offered to do anything to mark the occasion with me.

I am so grateful to you for starting this thread and for sharing your self with us. Take care my friend. I think of you often.

CDNreader,
Thinking that I saw you post again this past week, but did not say hello. I know the Thanksgiving in Canada is in October, hoping you got through that okay after the loss of your father. More holidays, more people getting together. Wishing you joy, whatever you can find in this season of celebration. Maybe celebrate the bitter-sweet good things about your Dad that you can remember.
Thinking of you. You are still missed on the forum.

Dear Send,

Thank you so much for your kind words, they mean a lot. Sorry, I did not respond sooner. Thank you for always thinking of me.

I do miss those family moments with my dad. This year I went out for dinner instead with my sister, her boyfriend and son at a restaurant. I just couldn't bring myself to prepare a meal at home. It just wouldn't be right without my dad. He was the one that always got the turkey ready and made the mash potatoes.

Thank you again for all your kindness. I'm very grateful! With love and hugs.

While I know I am very blessed to have a roof over my head and food to eat,this Christmas was so rough and I am only glad it is over.It took Everything I had in me,day after day,task after task,in pain with my back and broken ribs,thanks to a fall on December 7th and it all has been So hard without my Mother,my sidekick and best friend.I missed her so much putting up the tree,cooking,and especially the shopping.We always went Everywhere together.Then I had Christmas at my house for the first time since Mom left.I hung her stocking,tucked in some notes and a marshmellow Santa.I made and served the Christmas morning breakfast on Mother's Santa plates.I did everything alone.Last year was hard,but this one was hell.Tonight,2 years ago(730) days,Mother was dying and at 2:53 in the morning,I lost her,on my birthday. I'll be glad when tomarrow is over too.

((hugs)) luckylu, I've been thinking of you. Maybe next year a plan a nice christmas cruise?

That would be a dream come true cwille~

I wish so bad that Mom was here to talk to today about yesterday,Christmas,who was there,who wore what,what was said....We always discussed it all afterwards,I miss that so much.She was my secret keeper.

Just (((((((hugs))))))) lu. Good idea to plan something different next year.

Thanks Golden...It would be great to do something different next year,IF the family would cooperate.

Lu,
Have you ever seen the movie Shirley Valentine?

Celebrate your birthday with a manicure 💅🏼

Lu,
No one can replace your Mom at all, ever! And tomorrow is your birthday, when you lost her. Planned her funeral. That was only two years ago! Such a short time.....and you have been in so much pain!
If you want to talk about your Christmas breakfast, who came, what you served, you can tell us!
If you want to tell us about your Mom, tell us.

This is your life today, and it's still looking very painful for you every day.

Tell us, let us love and support you through your tears. It is never too late to cry it out, and make a plan for next year too!

(((((Hugs))))) Lu. Tough holiday for you, and birthday. Thinking of you.

Lu, thinking of you. This was my first Christmas without mom. I did some cooking that mom always did when she was younger. Brought back some pleasant memories of her.

Dear luckylu,

Sending you love and hugs, my friend. I know every mother would wish to have such a devoted and loving daughter as you. Sorry to hear about your back and broken ribs. And you are doing your best to during the holidays to honor your mom's memory. Thinking of you.

This was my second Christmas without my dad. It still feels very strange. I don't know if it will ever get easier. We loved our parents so much.

We did love our parents So much and now two more wonderful children on here have lost their fine folks...GardenArtist and Windyridge.2 great caregivers.
God be with them ~

Lucky, the deaths seems to come in waves, don't they? When my mom passed last June it seems there were at least ten others within a couple of months. It seems we are in the midst of another wave. And mountainmoose just lost her mom a couple of weeks ago. There is another one of two that slip my mind now.

Your'e right gladimhere,the deaths on here do seem to come in waves and in my case,alot of deaths of loved ones have come in 3's.
I hope the dear people on here that have lost their loved one's will continue to be with us.I don't know where I'd be now without the support Iv'e received on here since I lost Mother.It's kept me going and I know I'm not alone,that there are other's who lost their dear parent and they are moving forward and that has given me the hope that I will too.

It's hard. My mom passed away exactly three weeks ago. I saw her decline rapidly. In my mind, I attempted to prepare myself for that day. That was a sad joke! It's still surreal. Last night I dreamt that we were on a subway (back in NYC) and I lost her in the crowd. In the dream, she was in a demented state, and that made it feel so real. I'm not sure at what point, I think it was the next day, but I finally found her wandering around the platform. Her hair was disheveled and she had on different clothes. But she was safe. I'm in tears just thinking about it. Prayers and condolences to all of you that have recently lost your loved one. God bless.

Thanks to our forum moderators, we get this thread back after it was "archived".
Just wanting to thank you, and acknowledge your good work!

NYC so sorry for your loss. I've had so many dreams of my Mom since she died three years ago. Some good, some bad, some I wake up crying from.

It does get better and then a memory will trigger something and it gets bad again but you will get through it. The silliest thing can make me cry. For instance, I was grocery shopping the other day and was looking at some green leaf lettuce which was one my Mom always asked me to pick up for her every week when I got her groceries. Ridiculous............standing crying over the lettuce aisle.

Good Luck with your grieving. Come here often, it does help.

2 and a half years now without Mother here beside me and I still feel so lost and broken hearted.I'm so grateful for the extra time I did have with her though.Just a half of an inch and I'd have lost her 9 and a half years before I did.I was so lucky.
Mom wasn't the "norm" at all and she was funny and fun to be around.Same as my Dad.I miss them both so much
Thanks to all of you who have been there for me,it's meant the world~

One day at a time.
It will get easier, and you won't need to forget your loved one for the pain to lessen.