Laying my burden down.

My mom passed early yesterday morning at the age of 98. She had been in steady decline (with dementia) for the past three years, but took a sudden turn for the worse two weeks ago. Despite my attempts to discourage her, my mom would remove her Depends in her sleep and get up to use the toilet at night. That morning I found her on the floor halfway under the bed. I helped her up and she seemed OK despite some bumps and bruises, but whenever she attempted to get out of bed after that she would slide to floor. I had a couple of sleepless nights trying to prevent her falling until she finally worked it through her brain that she couldn't get up by herself. I also noticed that her speech had become slurred. I made an appointment with her doctor and decided to ask for a Hospice recommendation. When he saw her the next week he immediately agreed to do that. I let the family know what was going on.
Hospice came the next day (last Thursday). The nurse said she had no underlying fatal conditions but that they would take her based on her weight loss, she was skin and bones. Friday they brought the bed and equipment and we moved her downstairs. That day, she was eating, but small amounts, and she didn't seem to be able to speak at all, though she smiled and recognized us. I didn't sleep much Friday night and got up about 5 in the morning on Saturday and went to check on mom. I changed her Depends, gave her a dose of liquid Tylenol and settled her for what I hoped would be a good morning's rest. I went in with my sister-in-law about 8:00 and she had died. She was quite cold so she probably passed on shortly after I left her.
She was ready to go, my only regret is that the final decline was so swift. Very few family members had a chance to see her before she left us. One niece got the news mid-flight from Spain. She was no longer comfortable in her body, though. I'm glad she didn't linger given the circumstances.
I want to thank everyone on this board for helping me get through the past couple of years. I didn't contribute a lot, but I read it all the time. When you are a caregiver, unable to get out into the world, just the glimpses into other people's lives in similar circumstances is a relief.
I was relatively lucky, my mom was a very kind, cooperative woman whom I dearly loved and she was small and easy to care for. Still, I would not recommend that anyone take on the burden as I did, all by yourself. I kept telling myself I should hire help, mom could have afforded it, but I put it off again and again. I am not a people person and I dreaded the idea of hiring someone, telling them what to do, coaching and supervising. I never wanted to be a manager at work and hated the idea of managing care help at home. So, I labored on.
Thanks again for being here. I am mourning my mom, but the last three years have been a continual process of mourning her losses. Now I'm dealing with all the nitty-gritty details that follow a parent's death. I expect that soon I will be able catch my breath and think about what I want to do with the rest of my life.