Just want it to stop.

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Dont know where to start to be honest so ill just start writing. My mother is 62 years old. Yes, not that old but sometimes it feels like im caring for a 90 year old.

List of medical problems:

Depression
Diabetes
Heart problems
Kidney problems
Lung problems
Eye problems
She hallucinates
She sometimes cant walk as her legs swell up
Her hands sometimes swell up
Renal problems
She has a hard time understanding things

On top of that, she is a control freak, has old fashioned hateful views, she complains about everything, she sticks her nose in other peoples business, she bad mouths me and my siblings to everyone including family.

I am 32 years old and im sick of not doing anything with my life. I receive a carers payment and dont work. I cant work because I am always having to take my mother to doctors appointments and on some days she needs me to be there for her after an eye procedure, or she sometimes forgets what meds are for what. Sometimes the doctors appointments last for 4 hours and I have to sit there doing nothing.

I am sick of being around sickness all the time. I wake up to make some breakfast, she is sitting at the kitchen table throwing up or something. She is always moaning and groaning or she starts to hallucinate and tries to convince me that there is a talking head in the microwave.

Im just over sitting there and waiting to be called upon. I am 32 years old. She is 62. I don't want to be doing this for the next 20 years of my life...

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Great news! But please don't let them chalk this up as a one time thing; now that she's in hospital, you have access to social work, discharge planning. You need to make it clear to them that she needs more care than you can provide going forward. From what I understand, she has frequent hallucinations...what is that about (ask them).
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Just an update on her condition. I went to see her today at the hospital and wasn't sure what to expect. She is almost 100% back to her normal self. She remembers some of what happened and some that didnt. She now acknowledges that everything was a hallucination. They have been doing tests and they still cant find anything. They are going get her to see a therapist and get her GP to keep a better eye on her.

I was so relieved to see her back to normal.

Thanks for all the replies and advice everyone, I appreciate it. Although she isn't back home, I have a feeling this may have been a one off thing.
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I have no experience with the protein levels thing...no idea what that is about.

What struck me in your description of her behavior, was it sounds a lot like what my mother-in-law went through in her illness. She had Lewy-Body Dementia. Most people here are aware of it, though not in the general public and even some doctors. It can only be diagnosed in a post mortem of the brain.

Basically, it's like a combination of Parkinson's and Alzheimer's disease. Hallucinations are a very common. My MIL saw bears coming out of the walls, children under the table, thought people were living in all the rooms of her house, etc. It's very frightening for them.

And it was very frightening for us too, and I'm sure you as well, to see her in such a state. These things are difficult to diagnose. If you have time, check out Lewy Body Dementia online. My MIL lived with it for many years.

I wish you all the best having been down the same road with brain maladies in my family. Know you will get through this and there are a lot of people thinking about you and praying for your situation. You can count me in.
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The other morning her hallucinations were getting a lot worse. A lot happened and no one got any sleep. Long story short, we had to call the ambulance as she kept saying that this isnt our house and she wants to go home and she kept saying that there is a little girl in the room who is on fire. The doctors are still not sure whats wrong with her but they said her protein levels are "through the roof"
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Have you reported her worsening condition to her doctor, or to the social worker?
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I know how hard it is to be a caregiver while NOT wanting to be a caregiver but not really knowing what to do next or how to go about doing something else. I cared for my dad in my home for 5 years and there were times when it occurred to me that being his caregiver, being chained to the house, was a great place to hide. I wondered if maybe I was using the "Caregiver" status to keep from moving on. I'm not saying that's where you're at but I wanted to share with you that I felt that way.

My dad finally did get to a point where he had to be in a nursing home and I was left with "What now?" Yes, I was free to an extent. But I had a house on my hands that I couldn't afford without my dad's income (financially we were roommates) and no job. And also a father who was in a nursing home. I unloaded the house, found an apartment (which I preferred to the house), and then found a job. It was all extremely stressful. And scary. And expensive. But I did it.

I think there was some depression while I was taking care of my dad. Depression in me, not him. Nothing alarming just a subtle feeling of apathy that was with me everyday.

But that's enough about that. I hope you've found a good support network here. I found this website when my dad lived with me and it was a Godsend. The people were lovely and helpful and supportive and even though my dad is gone I still continue to come and show my support for those who are still caregiving.

And a helpful hint, if I may: When our loved ones hallucinate I've found it easier on myself and my loved one if I don't try to convince them that what they're seeing (or hearing) isn't real. To them it's very real and maybe very scary. That's their reality. Imagine how disconcerting it would be if someone were to try and convince you, for example, that your bed wasn't really there, that you were imagining it. Or if someone tried to convince you that your car wasn't actually sitting out there. When someone is hallucinating trying to keep them tethered to this world can be very frustrating to them and us.

I think you're a good son and I always appreciate hearing from male caregivers and getting their point of view. Your mom is lucky to have you.
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Thanks for the replies and encouragement again everyone. My mothers health is getting worse and worse and since I last posted, her hallucinations have gotten really bad. She usually sees them when she is dosing off or just waking up but now she has been seeing them when she is awake. She is convinced there is a little girl hiding under the chair and is making fun of her. She even asked me to pick the chair up to check if she is still there.

She just fell asleep but its starting to freak me out a bit now as I could convince her before that what she is seeing isn't real. She is also seeing my dead sister and is convinced that she is alive. I'm not sure how to deal with it as it has progressed this bad in just a matter of a week. Last thing that she had done was a vitrectomy due to bleeding and really high pressure in the eye.

And yeah I'm in Australia. I have had help from the hospital and they sent over a social worker. Nothing really happened after that. Will make a better reply later on.
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Do you live in the United States? Some of your wording makes me believe you don't. Let us know, otherwise you'll get a lot of advice appropriate only if you're in the US.

Your mom has a vested interest in keeping you in her home, taking care of you. So she beats you down, because if you start to feel confident and competent, you'll leave her, just like your brother and sisters did. But she doesn't have the right to keep you as her personal servant. You have a right to a happy and healthy life and a job and a family of your own - with your own spouse and children if you want that for yourself.

Absolutely get some counseling! And if you don't like the first counselor, find another one. Like any kind of profession, different counselors are better for different situations. You just need to keep trying until you find one who you like and who listens to you and offers you constructive steps to making your own life a happy one.

This is a great group like others have said. We've got your back and we want to see you succeed. You're much too young to be spending your life taking care of your mom's physical and emotional problems. Get her outside help so you can start to live your own life, and not rescue her from hers. And keep us posted!!
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Maybe you can get your mother approved for Medicare & Medicaid & then hire caregivers to give you a break. So you can work during the day. If you have a brother that will help you that is a good thing. You guys can work together. Praying that your situations improves & you get the help that you need plus Xtra.
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Wow. Everything that really does suck. And I mean it. If you could do any job in the world what would that be? Have you ever dreamed about what you would do with your life? Could you get to work ok? Do you have enough space in your house maybe you could find a person to stay there in the day and watch her in exchange for having a place to stay?? Lordy You need to get out of there even if it's for the day. I bet she's too young for adult daycare. One thing maybe you can try is have her put in for psych evaluation. Say she's been dangerous to you. That will get her onto people's radar and maybe get you a social worker. It's sad but I can't think there would be inexpensive care for something wrong like this. She wouldn't be nursing home care. Psych facility wouldn't be very long . Maybe some kind of group home ? Just long enough for you to grow a life of your own
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