Just venting....
I'm trying to be patient and understanding, but for the umpteenth time I accused of stealing from my mom!!! You stole my money, you stole my pants, you stole my phone book, you stole my address book, you stole my POA, you stole my will....
She lives alone, and has no contact with anyone but me. I live long distance so visit infrequently. She constantly hides or misplaces things so not surprising and then every time we talk she asks me where her stuff is.
Today we had a long pleasant conversation and she was with it. 2 hrs later she called me twice accusing me of taking the will. She is the only one with copies and will not put them in her bank box, nor share a copy with us. She hasn't spoken to my brother in 3 yrs, my aunt in 8 and has called both of them to tell them I stole the will.
This afternoon she is obsessed she must have it and for me to return it. I explained that I didn't have it and would never take anything from the house. All true. She said "well no ones been here but you"...HELL YES IM THE ONLY ONE WHOS BEEN IN the HOUSE FOR THE LAST 3 YEARS!!!! IM THE ONLY ONE WHO EVEN GIVES A FLIP ABOUT YOU!! YOUVE DRIVEN EVERYONE WHO EVER CARED ABOUT YOU AWAY!!! I didn't say it...but god help me I wanted to.
I tried to tell her and explain where it might be but she claims it's missing but she has her POA and advance medical directive (she keeps it in all the same folder). How do I know that?? Because when we visit and discuss anything about her wishes she finds it and waves it in our face But won't show us what's in it.
She said she called the lawyer and is having a new one drawn up -- the same f'd up lawyer that has been no help in the past and drew up a springing POA for 90 yr olds.... Last will he wrote and charged them $700 for had their name spelled wrong and took 3 times to get it right. Ha and I was asked to call the lawyer back then to make sure he got it right.
Can't wait to call my brother with this one...
I know this is small stuff, and it's the disease...but good golly, how much crap do we have to keep taking. I'm heading up next wk to try to give her some Christmas! but she makes it hard. I know she will keep hounding on this.
No need to comment. Just had to get this one off my chest. I know you guys out there deal with it and so much more everyday as full time caregivers and I just wanted to tell you what saints you are...this is absolutely nothing compared to all you deal with daily. Just know you are in my thoughts everyday. And this site humbles me to know how easy I have it.
I'm steeling myself for another crappy holiday, worrying about mom, waiting for the next shoe to drop. Trying to put on a good face for my husband and kids.
Thanks jessiebelle --I had done just what you said, and offered to help her find it when I got there, but she is insistent I stole it at some point. Funny, we've had opportunity to steal a copy and wanted to for the sake of having it in a safe place but have not done so because "it did feel like stealing at the time". Now I know much more about the disease than I did a yr ago and I should take it when I get the chance.
As far as the lawyer and courthouse filing....forget it. One thing we did discover is that the will she had drawn up was not signed and notarized at his office. Lawyer told me last yr he had copy, but not legal because they wanted to get it signed elsewhere...which we discovered A signed copy notarized at the bank --that is the one mom keeps in the house in the folder. The folder has been under pillows, behind the headboard, in a chest, in the hamper, etc. I've told her if she doesn't keep a copy secure off site, the house could burn down and there would be no will, POA or medical directive. She won't even let us buy her a fire safe box for her important papers.
You are right, she was he'll bent on getting a new will ASAP, like yesterday. Maybe she will or will not follow thru, I don't care as if she has to be placed in a care facility her estate will go fast. We aren't expecting anything and never have as her and dad would bring up will often and try to use as bargaining chip among us sibs -- never worked as we never cared for this cruel endeavor to buy our love or turn us against one another.
If I get the chance, she follows us around the house and we are never allowed in her BR or be in house alone...I will confiscate a copy of the will if I find it. As far as I'm concerned it's the only legit one at this point.
My brother and I would contest any changes to anything at this point because of her mental health.
Thanks to all again. You are my strength and I know I will need your sound advice and support as I travel this road.
My husband is a saint and I'm blessed with two awesome sons who are wonderful. I have to work to get my Christmas karma back...this was the best I've done in 56 yrs....and I'm trying not to let her spoil it again.
Hope Christmas confounds your expectations and turns into a great one. Big hug x
Something that might work with your mother is to tell her she doesn't need to have another will drawn up because the lawyer would have filed it at the courthouse. You can tell her you'll help her look for it when you get there and tell the lawyer you need a copy if you can't find it. I have a feeling that you'll be able to find it when you get there. If your mother is like mine, she will want to get the new will done fast -- like yesterday wasn't soon enough. Telling her you'll help her look and knowing she can get a copy may keep her from drawing up a new will. That could get expensive if she did it too often.
Merry Christmas
L