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I'm so disillusioned … I should have left it alone. Before Easter , they put my mom on Morphine for pain ..She couldn’t string 4 words together.. I felt compelled to know it wasn’t the morphine doing that... In the meantime her vitals were declining…we went back to her pain medication prior to the morphine, just a little stronger… the hallucinations are back, still very confused but, can communicate better. Was having trouble swallowing, and also not eating on morphine. Now she has started eating. Hospice has decided that this is her new baseline. I as well as hospice had begun to think she was moving into the last days…


There is longevity in my family, her dad's twin lived to 104😮😳 I know I shouldn’t beat myself up, but I keep thinking her time to go was stolen because I didn’t leave it be ….I know if they decide morphine is needed again, I won’t question it.


I know some of you would consider me to be cold, but my mom has zippo quality of life. I know, I would not want to “live” this way…

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I think it is right and proper to be very relieved for our loved ones when they have no longer to go on in torment and torture for no good quality of life. I think only a monster or someone entirely selfish would ever wish it otherwise. I believe you are absolutely right to be relieved.
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Yes, you ‘shouldn’t beat yourself up’. You did what you thought was best, which is all you can do. It wasn’t for you, ‘just to release your anxiety’. It was for her. You changed your mind about what is best, which is what a caring, sensible, intelligent person can do.

Now just go with it. Have courage for the trials to come. Make sure that as the end approaches, you have enough sleep to deal with the next things. Best wishes, Margaret
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I don’t consider you to be cold at all. It would be cold to WANT your mom to continue to live this kind of life.

I pray every day for The Lord to just TAKE my mother already.

You have my support.
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