I am new to the group but I am glad I found it. This has been the loneliest period of my life. My mom is 92 - has no intention of going anywhere soon and is as strong as she is difficult. There is definite cognitive decline and I do accept that.
Have other members on the group found that their parent/s have become so selfish and inconsiderate? I am really beginning to dislike my mom and it breaks my heart
My mother always had a neurotic, toxic personality but once dementia set in, oh boy. She went from 0-60 in short order. She was SO argumentative that if I said white, she'd say black. I was "always against her" and she was 100% negative and paranoid 99% of the time. She was impossible to deal with, and wound up saying SUCH hurtful things to me that cut to the bone. She knew what she was saying, too, and chose to be hurtful.
Wisely, I'd chosen to not cohabitate with her early on. Once was enough. So I agree with Fawnby in that you should consider Assisted Living now for one major reason: to preserve what's left of your relationship with mom before she completely ruins it and leaves you with nothing but bad memories of her. You'll know when you've had enough and cannot take anymore. There's usually a breaking point for most people. Such as incontinence for example. Just remember, you matter too, not just mom. 2 lives are being affected here and dementia tends to destroy BOTH.
I wish you good luck and Godspeed moving forward and invite you to come vent here as much as you'd like. Most of us get it.
But truthfully, we see many posts like yours on here. Rarely does taking in an elderly parent work out well for all involved. It's almost a given that the caregiver child will feel as you do. And then what?
You don't have to die on the hill of your parent's dementia. Start now to explore alternatives to her living in your house. Don't tell her you're doing it. You need peace and calm to take in all the possibilities, and there are many. Also understand that your mom may not be happy in your home. She could benefit from having others her own age to socialize with, and planned activities suitable for her level of cognition, and a whole team of trained people to take care of her. You cannot provide that at home.
She is going to continue to decline, maybe fast, maybe slow, but it WILL happen. Realize that it's not your fault that all this is happening. Understand that you didn't realize what you were taking on when you opened your home to mom. Care of a dementia patient is extremely difficult. (I took care of both parents who had dementia as well as my husband, so I know.) Dementia is not only memory loss but also personality change beyond what you can imagine, and social difficulties, and inappropriate peeing and pooping habits that will drive you up the wall. It is anger and physical decline and wandering and losing communication skills and inability to dress themselves, such as putting on their clothes upside down and backward. If you're disliking mom now, just wait.
If I were you, I'd aim for an assisting living community where residents can progress to higher level memory care when necessary. How you get mom there is your problem to solve, but trust me when I say that once you solve it and mom is safe and cared for in her new home, all other problems become easier. Start now, and I wish you and mom the best.
is this a personality change for a mother who was a nice person? Or was she always self-centered and this is increasing that?
What is your situation with her? It can be so sad and frustrating.