Today was not a good day to visit daddy. He was in a bad mood, he was irritable. I took him down to bingo this morning and I could tell he wasn't really interested even though he won 3 times...Took him outside for a bit to the courtyard and he kept letting his foot droop and it kept getting caught on the ground, so he wanted to go back to his room. Got him there and got him in bed and I saw the way they had to get him up and I realized his legs have gotten worse since he's been there, and he's been refusing physical therapy. I have him back on their list to get him going again and I have told him over and over that he needs to go with them when they come but they can't make him go if he doesn't want to. I get so upset when I have to leave but I can't stay more than an hour because of my back hurting so bad plus I run out of things to try and converse with him and it's not easy talking or understanding him. It's just so draining and with the fatigue I already have, by the time I get home I am so worn out. Also today I drove up the home and there was a man laying on the pavement and his wheelchair toppled over, I immediately ran over to him and thank goodness he was ok but it scared the bejesus out of me. Then when I was leaving a guy was trying to get in a chair from his wheelchair and he was about to fall and bust his ass but thankfully I caught him before he fell. And to top all this off, daddy almost choked to death yesterday. He was eating lunch and he started choking - thank God one of the CNAs was in the room with us....scared me and momma to death. I mean how much more can I take? I have debilitating back pain that keeps me from doing anything so my basic outings are up to see daddy and doctor's appointments...it's a never ending cycle...God I've wrote a book, sorry ya'll, but I had to get it out. Thanks for reading all this if you did, I really don't have anyone I can talk to..