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I am so frustrated. I take care of my mom. When I have special plans for myself, I have to clear it with a sibling first. I feel like I'm under house arrest. When I do something wrong, another sibling get's a phone call.

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Been their, my siblings was all ways in my face when it came to care for my mom. They didn't want to do it, but thought I had to report to them all the time over her care. I finally had enough, and took control. My mom passed this year, and my sibling's still don't talk to me , but its ok. One day their tern will come.
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In whose eyes did you do something wrong? Is mom tattling on you? Each time that happens, Mom goes for respite for two weeks at THAT siblings house. Or maybe 4 weeks. Maybe mom would like the caretaking there better.

Call your siblings with a schedule of the first of the month. Arrange for at least two dates each week that are "their" responsibility. Give a choice. Otherwise, they need to pay for someone to come in.

Does mom have resources? SS? Vets A and A? That money should be used for her care. Not saved for a pie in the sky inheritance. As my friend Maggie on this board likes to say, they saved for a rainy day and it's pouring outside!

When was the last time you saw a doctor? Have a checkup.
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I have told them to take over and that shuts them right up.
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Tell them the next time they complain, they can take over.
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Sometimes we give certain words a lot of power... instead of feeling you have to 'clear' it with sib.... look at it like you are making arrangements so that mom is safe while you are gone.....that gives YOU the power and not her.... and try to accept that if you are the sole caregiver, you are under a microscope..... and it will be up to you how much you want these phone calls to upset you.... make up your mind to not be the victim and rethink some solutions.... good luck.
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