Just curious, has anyone not gone to a parent’s funeral? If so, why? Do you regret not going? Has anyone not been told about a funeral?

Funerals are for the living.

Do you want to see and be with the others of family and friends? Do you want to offer yourself as support to someone who may be there that you love who may be truly grieving the deceased? Those are reasons to go.

Do you want the sense of ending of this portion of *your* life and experience to be marked and noted, if only to you? If you cry, only you will know the reasons, whether it is mourning the loss of a loved one, or mourning the love and happiness that never was.

If you can’t find a good reason to go for those yet alive, including yourself, take some time that day to go sit quietly by a lake, or in a garden, to reflect, to pray, to mourn, or to remember fondly those things you can, or banish as gone and done those things which are painful.

There are many reasons people couldn’t attend parents funerals. Distance, financial or emotional reasons. I couldn’t go to my grandma’s funeral because of all 3 reasons. If I lived in the same country as my Grandma’s, I would have seen her before she passed away. We spoke on the phone before she passed away, she knew I loved her deeply. I was young and I believed part of me was so afraid of watching her die. Till these day, 14 years after, I still think of her. If you loved your parent and he/she knew you did, that’s all that matters.

Funerals are for the living, not for the dead. I would never judge another for not going to a funeral, for whatever reason.

My dad died and I have no idea what happened to him, if he had a funeral or not. I didn’t get told

Tea,

I am so sorry. Wishing you peace. My husband lost touch with his dad. Sad situation. I feel regardless of a relationship, a child should be informed of a death. That is just common courtesy. I also feel that others should put differences aside and offer condolences for your loss. It’s very sad that people aren’t always thoughtful with each other.

I am the OP of this post from long ago. I am surprised that is resurfaces from time to time. I find this site interesting as far as some posts being shut down and others seem to live on.

Anyway, in my case, things in my family were resolved and sorted out with mutual respect for each other. My parents are both deceased now and I did attend the funerals.

My mom passed the other day on what would’ve been her 74th Anniversary. My brother has blocked myself & my sons from seeing her for the past 4 years.

Upon hearing that I was going to be allowed to see her in the nursing home he flipped out & told them there was a no contact order against me for elder abuse which isn’t true.

I found out about her death by calling the nursing home and reading the obituary on the funeral home’s website. After contacting the funeral home my immediate family was allowed 1 hr to say good bye.

The procession from the funeral home to the church will only be for who my brother chooses to be there and the burial is private......I’m not allowed.

And he had the gall to call my house yesterday to offer his condolences! Some people are just so controlling & greedy.

Jada,
I am so very sorry for the loss of your mom.

You have been through the mill with your brother! In this case, offering condolences is a kick in the gut. It just seems superficial and cruel.

My heart breaks for you. Sending a bazillion hugs and sincerely hoping that you somehow in time find peace in your heart and soul.

I didn’t go to my father’s funeral because I’d just given birth to his grandson some 3 weeks before, and I was wrecked with grief over losing him.

The funeral meant nothing to me. All that mattered was that my father was gone.

I had no regrets that I was home with the baby.

Need HelpWithMom,
Thank you for your compassion and the hugs. I think I’ll only heal when he is held accountable for all his actions. My mom is the one who suffered in these last 4 years without myself & her grandsons to be there with her. Instead he had a stranger in her home so he wouldn’t have to spend time with her.

I pray to get rid of the anger & bitterness I feel even though I know I will never forgive him for what he has done. It’s too late now! 🙏🏻❤️

Jada,
Shame on your brother and how cruel. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family during this difficult time. Hope you find some peace as you move on.

Jada,

You’re correct in saying that he hurt your mom by denying you and your beloved sons the right to see her. How awful!

I understand that you want justice. I feel that your mom is finally at peace and she would want the same for you. If you choose forgiveness, do it for YOU!

Don’t allow your brother to steal your peace and joy. He isn’t worth that. You don’t have to have a relationship with him though. For what it’s worth, he lost! He tossed out a loving sister and nephews. What a rotten shame for everyone involved! Very sad.

These occurrences happen and solved it is too late for a reconciliation. You won’t see me preaching ‘Pollyanna’ messages. I am a realist. I believe in hope until the situation proves itself entirely hopeless!

My dad was diagnosed with level 4 Glioblastoma this January. He’s in his final stages and I guess ive come to accept the fact that he is no longer going to be with us very soon. Having to take care of future funeral arrangements has been very difficult and I feel as though I can’t or won’t be able to attend his funeral. I don’t know what to do , I want to be there to say my last goodbyes and be there for my family but at the same time my anxiety is getting the best of me and I feel like I can’t be there like it’s going to affect me more mentally if I attend. My siblings are saying that it looks bad if I don’t attend so it makes me feel bad but at the same time I know I’m going to have trouble letting go or deal with depression and anxiety afterwards like mentally it’s going to affect me. Is it wrong if I don’t attend?

Jaylove, it is not wrong not to attend. There's no right or wrong about it. Do what you feel able to when the time comes.

Nobody has any business either to tell you what to do or to demand that you decide in advance and commit to what you will do. With you or without you the funeral will take place and your father - may he be comforted in his last days - will receive his proper dues, thanks to your preparations.

You will have done everything required of you. Anything else you feel able to manage should be done for your own peace of mind and not for the sake of other people's opinions.

Jaylove,

Do what is best for you.