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I want to thank everyone again for all your responses, I appreciate it so very much. My father is settling in to the VA home somewhat nicely. He's had several episodes where the staff finds him on the floor in the bathroom (he has severe left sided weakness from his stroke back in November). I keep telling the nurses when they find him like that he's had a seizure and doesn't remember he can't walk. He is very stubborn about participating in the activities they have there and will hardly ever come out of his room and go to the dayroom. Honestly he's just sitting there waiting to die. I try to get up there at least twice a week and he's always happy to see me but I still feel awful about having to leave him there - it's much better though. I wish there was someway I could get him to want to participate but I know my father, he's always pretty much kept to himself. There is so much he could be active in, but he just won't. I'm sure he's embarassed because he has a hard time talking and he can't get his words out. Anyway, I just wanted to update you all and thank you for being here for me when no one else really understands.

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God bless you & your dear father... ((Hugs))
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I agree about the person not really starting to get involved, show interest, etc. at this point in life. PLUS, with the dementia, their brain is not capable to learn new things. That's one reason that my LO was so unhappy in her regular AL. She couldn't remember anyone's name, where things were located, etc. Later, in her MC, she enjoyed just wheeling around in her wheelchair and listening to music. I used to wish that she was doing all kinds of activities and feared she was bored, but, eventually, I learned that I was seeing things from my perspective, not hers. In her mind, she was not bored. Her mind was not capable of doing the hobbies, activities that she did before. Fortunately, the MC staff lead and encourage all residents to do what they are capable of doing and they have a daily schedule for that.

So, I wouldn't take it that he is stubborn and refusing, but ,that he is content and not able to do more.
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Lacey, thanks for the update.

If your Dad has always kept to himself, he isn't going to change. When my Dad moved to senior living, he was friendly but a bit shy. He was at his happiness staying in his room, reading the newspaper and watching local 24-hour news. He was just soooo happy being away from his house [which he sold] and all the responsibility of taking care of that house. Now he could do what HE wanted :)
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