Both 82, her issues. 60 years married. I am trying to deal with this. Covid was the worst. Reminds me of the movie ground hog day. Same thing every day. What ever the issue, I seem to be the bad guy. Yes I have a temper. Not easy. I know she does not mean a lot of what she says. Next day she forgets and we start over again.. Thanks to all of you who both ask and answer. I know I am not alone. Getting old is not for sissy’s. Thanks for listening.
You are still hanging in there. Seems that things are about the same. I’m sorry your wife is in pain. How is your health? Are you still seeing your therapist? Be careful with that temper. Strokes, heart attacks etc. It seems like it worries you. So I believe you when you say you have it.
I sure wish I had the perfect words to make it all better. All I’ve got is I hear you. I wish you well and a pleasant tomorrow there with your bride. Happy 60th. That’s quiet an accomplishment.
My mother is frequently amazed at my ability to hold my tongue when all manner of hell is being spewed at me. I have 23 years experience with that (with children). I don’t even feel it anymore. Usually, my first reaction is, “Whoa! You sure are pissed off!” My second is pity, because in my experience, a person in a crisis is lashing out because they feel their world spinning out of control. If anything, it calms me down (unless I’m in physical danger, and then I have to fight not simply running away). Look for the signs, and step away before they escalate. It’s all about diffusing or distracting a situation. Try googling, “how to de-escalate a person in crisis”.
But, I’m sure not perfect, and my blood can boil quicker than you can say Jack Robinson with my MIL (whom I caregive), so I get it. I think it’s our history, and the fact that she treated me SO BADLY in the past. I don’t take it personally with the kids when they lash out because their lives are messed up. They come to school frantically treading water, and then something happens. Suddenly, they’re drowning. My MIL, I don’t have that same clarity with her. I understand that she just lashes out when she doesn’t feel heard, but we don’t have a garbage disposal. So when she shoves a whole bunch of food down the sink, I can’t help but become really pissed off.
One day at a time, my friend. But do try and avoid the escalations if you can. It’s an art, but you can do it.