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My parents and I go once a week for a few hours to my grandmother's house. Mainly to check up on her, help out with some errands and to ease her self imposed isolation with people to talk to. Yesterday, we stopped by and took her out to lunch and in the middle of lunch she informed me that in the next couple months she expects me to transfer from the place of work where I currently am to a store closer to her. The reason that she wants me to live with her. I would be taking care of her laundry, the cooking and cleaning, coordinating her doctors appointments and some "social" stuff. I was floored. I get the fact that she was happy to be out of the house and having a good time but to tell me that I have to give up my life as it is to be her maid and social secretary. She does have mobility problems and is going to get her cataracts dealt with when the weather gets and stays warm but I can't do it, once a week for a few hours is enough for me. I look her in the eye and said, "You couldn't be bothered to help my aunts with your own mother and now you expect me to wipe your butt?" and continued eating. My parents didn't know what to do or say right at that moment. But as my parents and I were on our way home, they asked me why I won't. My response was I wasn't going to let an 88 year old woman who literally stinks take over my life where she was too busy drinking and partying when both of my aunts (one who was very disabled with RA) were trying to take care of my great grandmother. She was pretty much that way until 5 years ago when she almost went into renal faluire due to being dehydrated because of the flu.

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People with high functioning autism can be taken advantage of. This is what your grandmother is doing. SHAME on her! Think more highly of yourself than what she thinks of you.
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My grandmother knows she needs some help with the house and moving around but refuses to pay for anything or people to help her. She would never consider paying me to help out. My epilepsy has left me with a butt load of short term memory damage and some back problems, combined with high functioning autism, things are tough enough for me. Was she drinking? No, she was sober. My parents are not willing to help out besides once a week for a few hours. My parents were flabbergasted when she said that and amused that I responded the way I did. She knew full well what she was doing and thought that I would do it. I need to work on getting my teeth fixed up and do the physical therapy for my back, I don't want to have back surgery in the next two years.
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If I had had a mouthful of soda, it would be coming out my nose at the table. I think all I would have said is "You what??"

I'm one of the unpaid servants on the group. I would advise anyone not to get into it, particularly for a grandparent when you're so young. I have a niece who has epilepsy and is living a great life with a good job, a great husband, and two homes -- one for living, one for vacationing. She doesn't have seizures anymore, so epilepsy does not handicap her at all.

I don't know what your grandmother could have been drinking and why your parents didn't have your back. Shame on them all.
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This forum needs more people with a backbone like yours.
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Is there some reason that your grandmother may have thought that you wanted or needed the work? Would she pay well? I would have happily done that for my grandparents. I realize there may be a lot of history between you, but, I might try to consider that she's a very senior lady, thank her for the invitation, but decline. I'm not sure why it would be helpful to be so blunt. Sorry, but, I think that maybe, she didn't mean any harm and she may have some cognitive decline by that age. You did say once that she didn't bathe much any more, right? Maybe, she realizes she's needing more help. I'd at least give her a referral.
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It is wonderful to see your strength and respect you have for yourself. Over and over on this site children, grandchildren, spouses get buffaloed into taking in an elder or living in the elder's house - no pay, no gratitude, 7x24 cleaning up poo, and it gets only worse. Stay strong.

Do what you are willing to do, as you currently are. It is a gift when a family member helps another and its what we all do; however, no one should be expected to be a hostage. Stay strong and good luck to you.
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My logic says that I am 34 years old and much too young to be giving up my life and my health to be taking care of a selfish old woman. I am disabled due to epilepsy and for the first time in years, my health is good.
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Evermore, curious why your own parents wouldn't be helping out?   I think it is totally unfair whenever I read where elders are being cared for by their grandchild.

That grandchild needs to embark on a career that gives him/her a good salary, health insurance, matching 401(k), life insurance, paid vacation days, paid sick days, etc.   I doubt Grandma can supply that to her Grandchild.
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"I look her in the eye and said, "You couldn't be bothered to help my aunts with your own mother and now you expect me to wipe your butt?" and continued eating. " I am thinking you need to be applauded for laying it right on the line like this. Stay strong! She is NOT your responsibility. Stay far away from her (except for the weekly visit).
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Stay strong - and if your parents are expecting this of you - say "no - it is your job before mine" Stay strong. Read posts on this forum - people who move in with an elder and become an unpaid servant with no life and no hope. Absolutely not!
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