It's been a hard week....

Anche71

We don't need to forget you posted. It was your cry for help and it doesn't matter where you posted it! Starting your own is useful, so responses geared for you won't get lost in the shuffle!

Paul isn't like that. He won't be mad at you and no one else is mad at you. Also, don't feel like other reactions are your fault. Those who reacted own it, not you!

General misunderstanding of words, that's all. Hopefully you can lose the guilt, as none of that was your doing - you don't control others. Hopefully also your own posting can provide some solace and/or help for you and your situation.

So let's all kiss and make up and move on!!

Can we please just forget me posting here? I started a new thread. Really, all that matters to me now is to move on and that Paul was not angry/sad/etc for me posting in his thread.
What I need just now, is to look forward and not feeling sorry for making everybody arguing. I would feel just guilty, a feeling I really do not need now.

Thanks polar bear and disgusted, I quite agree. I’ve never encountered anything like this before, and don’t know quite how to deal with it. Perhaps I've done it wrong? Perhaps ask Anche?

Paul, I'm glad to hear that lockdown is ending soon.

Have your kids been stuck at home with little physical activities? I hope not. Is your daughter still into ice skating? The lockdown has been very bad for kids. Lots of them have gained weight and become very unhealthy.

Luckily, my 13 y.o. daughter has been able to go to her gymnastics classes. My 15 y.o rides her bike regularly and just went back to swimming. I'm so glad.

Have to tell you something funny that you being a father of a daughter might understand. My younger daughter (13 y.o) has a friend in her gymnastics class. It's a 17 y.o. boy. They were in the same Forensic science class before. Anyhow, this boy gave my daughter a big hug at the gym last week. I mentioned that to my husband. He said to tell the boy "6 feet, your choice." Haha.

How is your son doing socially? What grade is he in? I just signed up my older daughter for a 16 week social skills class for teens. It's a small group of teens led by a therapist who teaches them the skills and have them practice with one another. I'm paying for this class out of my pocket. It's not covered by the school district or our insurance.

Has your wife, being a nurse, been vaccinated? How about you? MIL vaccinated?

Ladies, if this needs to continue, can you take it offline please? There's enough contention in the world without adding more!

We've gotten update on dad and bro/wife shenanigans, how the deal old MIL paul? Is she "behaving" herself on her new "schedule"?

MargaretMcken, what does that mean? I never heard it before. Do enlighten me.

OK I've been pushed into a position of old-time offensiveness that may not upset the moderators: Up you for the rent! I hope it makes someone giggle! I'd hate just to make people 'sad' - that's why I take quite a lot of trouble to post to the jokes site. Please please please - rest in peace! GIVE IT A REST!

Elaine,

You noticed that too, huh?

Sigh... I give up. Like I said, I tried.

Thanks for your understanding. Yeah, it is funny but sad too.

Needhelpwithmom, isn’t it funny how MargaretMcken is turning what SHE originally posted on to US?? Like it’s all our fault, lol. I find it comical, lol.

Hi! you asked me to “take a moment to think about how your message came across.” I’d ask you to do the same. The answer for me is ‘incredibly condescending’. I’ve now had 5 posts from you and 5 from Elaine, all ignoring what I actually said. Humility wasn’t high on either list. For God’s sake, give it a rest.

Margaret,

I tried very hard to be polite.

Looks like I am wasting my time.

It wouldn’t kill you to show a little humility.

NHWM I'm getting a bit tired of this. Please stop pointing out the obvious.

Margaret,

No one is against you. We all care about others or we wouldn’t be on this forum.

Please take a moment to think about how your message came across.

Perhaps you didn’t intentionally wish to upset anyone.

Nevertheless, your message came across as rather heartless.

Let’s hope that you didn’t mean for your message to come across the way it did.

Please show a bit more sensitivity.

It wasn’t the end of the world that Anche posted on this site.

As you can see Paul clearly invited lovely Anche to join us. No harm was done to Paul’s thread.

Look at the larger picture. Anche needed help.

It took courage for her to reach out in her time of need.

This forum is for comforting others, not scolding them.

You berated her and us for responding to her in a kind way.

I repeat, no one is against you. We are all equal. We all have something to bring to the table.

If you needed help, would you have appreciated being spoken to the way you spoke to Anche?

If you had been one of us that responded kindly to her, would you want to be corrected by another poster?

Of course, you wouldn’t.

Be kind and kindness will be returned to you.

Push others and most of the time you can expect to be pushed back.

Sometimes people ignore certain remarks but don’t count on it.

Anche, I’m so glad you are going to start a new thread, you need some support. And I'm extra glad that you are feeling better.

I expected to get some difficult feedback from someone, but please remember that my post ended “your issues are important and you will get a lot of feedback on a thread you start yourselves. You are very welcome as new posters on the site, it isn't at all exclusive, and it is often very helpful to the original posters and to all the other people with similar issues. Please let us hear from you again on a new thread! Best wishes”. Perhaps some other posters think more like ‘forum police’ than I ever have.

Peace and love to all, and thanks to Paul too.

paulfoel123: How are you? I hope you're not mad at me?

Paul,

I have a feeling that your brother and his wife are very much alike in their thinking.

They are both looking for the ‘easy way’ to make a few dollars!

Beatty - oh brother HAS had enough..... Its just the money for now.

Remember the GREAT ROTA? He told me that he was putting me (And my wife!) on the rota and we'd have to cover every day of the week.

Saw no difference with me living 30 miles away (him 1 mile), me having two kids to look after (him non). And he said my wife had to "do her bit".

BUT Dad knows if he keeps feeding them money.....
I'm sure Dad thought if he did this then I'd come back no matter what to get my share.... Ummm no.

To be honest, its quiet funny with my brother. A few years ago after his wife had quit about the 10th job in a year because she didn't like it they had this bright idea that brothers wife could get money from the government as Dads "carer".

Of course, Dad doesn't need a "carer" but hes lazy so he was well up for the idea. Of course, brother and wife didn't check out the details. Its something like £75 a week and you have to do 35 hours of "caring" a week. I think they had in mind £200-£300 and one shopping a visit.

Of course they dropped it like a hot stone when they found out. Made some excuse to Dad about not being able to do it. Of course, Dad got in his head that hes so ill he needs someone to care for him.... You made your bed brother....

(BTW - yes of course, when he told me I said I'd set up care home visits and he was horrified)

Its been a bizarre few weeks with Dad. Obviously he can see the lockdown ending soon....

BUT the herd of elephants is there in the room...

Hes been months now without needing ME to get his food. He knows I know that. Yet hes still claiming hes glad because I can get food for him.

Hes talking about me taking him out at weekends. He knows we've discussed this.

Its just crazy how he is constantly trying to manipulate things.... As someone said, he cant cope unless he has total control and both his sons fit into his idea of how it works....

Hey Anche - feel free to join us all on here!

Anche: Big virtual hugs to you going out tonight.🧡

Elaine, Needhelpwithmum, Chriscat, No problem really, I'll start a new thread.
Thank you for being so supportive. I'll be around later.
Hugs

Anche, I hope you are feelIng better and can private message any of us like Needhelpwithmom said. We are all here for you. It doesn’t matter what thread you are on. We do all care!!

Anche,

You are welcome to private message any of us anytime you need a shoulder to lean on.

Please don’t feel as if you did anything wrong by posting on this thread. You didn’t!

Caregiving is the one of the hardest jobs in the world. We understand how difficult it can be at times.

There isn’t any need for your messages to be moved anywhere.

I truly hope you know how much we all care.

Needhelpwithmom, your welcome. I mean it’s just common sense to answer someone on here no matter whose thread they are on especially when they mention the word SUICIDE!!

Chriscat, I also agree with your comment. 100 percent!!!

Thanks, Elaine

I must admit that I feel that sometimes people seem to overreact to certain things, which is truly unfortunate because it is the exact thing that causes people to feel uncomfortable, especially in a time of need.

Paul isn’t around all of the time and he has never cared if people have other conversations with each other once in awhile.

MargaretMcken, when someone on here is having suicidal thoughts we answer them RIGHT AWAY not direct them to a different thread!! It’s just common sense!!!

MargaretMcken must be the forum police telling everyone where and when they can post and criticizing NHWM for replying to someone else besides paulfoel. Threads fall off all the time. They don’t last on here forever!

Anche,

People have occasionally gone off topic on many threads. Most people aren’t extremely rigid about it.

You certainly don’t need to apologize! This forum is here to offer comfort and compassion.

Paul has seen other topics posted on here and has stated that he doesn’t mind. He would not be upset. He would respond with compassion.

Chris,

I wholeheartedly agree with your comment.

I am fully aware of Paul’s problems with his father and have indeed been involved in this thread in the past. I do however feel that when someone posts a cry for help here, as in Anche’s case, it is right and proper to respond with support rather than direct them elsewhere, which might give them the impression that their personal situation is somehow less important, and thus do more harm than good. I was not aware that anyone has the right of ownership to specific original posts on this Forum.