It's been a hard week....

For Mother's Day we visited by standing & talking in the driveway. She stayed at the front door.

This went two ways. To protect her from us + to protect us! We have kids at school jobs, shopping - they have aides visiting the house, out & about at appointments/shops etc.

I do not visit another relative at all as she has mobility/hygiene problems & has still been going out. I do not feel safe to do so.

Do what YOU feel comfortable doing. If you go inside his flat, make a big point of washing YOUR hands straight away. Can bet he's not doing this.

"I'd better go and visit him that day."

Visit from a distance still and while wishing him a Happy Father's Day, sprinkle it with coughing into your sleeve...

Hi Dad, <cough>, how's it <cough cough> going? Hap <cough> Happy Father's <cough cough cough> Day! Sorry <cough>, must've been exposed to <cough> someone who is <cough cough> ill. Nice to see you <cough>, I'd better <cough cough> run before I <cough> infect you!!! ;-)

Although numbers are down in many places, they are rising in others. The virus isn't going away - the whole point to maintaining distance was to reduce the effect on medical services, ensuring they weren't overwhelming like in NYC and other places, so that people who did become ill could likely get treatment!

Watching data on a website, one can see it is getting worse in some less densely populated places. Until it spreads everywhere and we either develop immunity or have a vaccine, it will continue to spread, just as most viruses do!

You dad won't understand that. All he will register is that the restrictions are being removed or are gone.

Beatty - ha ha you and my wife are very similar! She said the same thing.

Its fathers day soon - end of june. If rules chance, I'd better go and visit him that day.

Wish me luck!

Hey Paul, wouldn't it be awful if you spiked a temp, or got a little dry cough... You would have to stay away in self-quanteen for another 2 weeks 😉

Announcement next Friday here in Wales to see if lockdown restrictions are lifted further. The 5 mile rule has been very unpopular. New is it will be lifted which means I will legally be allowed to meet Dad outside.

Can't wait. Apologies in advance. I reckon 5 minutes before he winds me up!

paul: Well, glad he got his hair cut, evenso being oblivious to the Novel Coronavirus. Hair salon still closed here. Husband and I have remained sheltered in place, but can get food at contactless pick up. Good that, of course, your wife took the precautions necessary.

Beatty - yeh should have shown him that!

disgusted - well Dad did bring us up as a single parent - of sorts. He got everyone else to look after us - aunties, gran, all sorts while he went to work.

Thats him to a tee - would never have paid anyone of course.

Dads always been the same. If there an easier way he won't even consider it, if it costs then he definitely wont consider it lol.

Thing is childcare aint cheap but brother could well afford it.

Its like Dads other thing - "taxis are not for people like us". Eh???

On raising/taking on child:
"Dads idea was "how can he do that hes got work?"."

Ummm, so how exactly did HE do it? He had 2 of you and had to work.... Definitely a strange mindset, if you can compartmentalize this!
(P.S. I also raised 2 kids, beginning at ages 3 and 5, on one income while working. Pittance for child support, the $50/week covered day care for ONE, and nothing else - the rest I had to take care of myself!)

"...2m distance so how on earth does he think getting someone to cut his hair is ok?"

I've been saying the same thing about the protesters (virus only) who complained about needing a hair cut, nails done, etc... like who's going to see you? Why is this a priority? HOW do you perform these tasks while maintaining distance???
For the various states that opened up these venues first, along with bowling and a few other random fairly small businesses - do they REALLY think these are the ones that support the economy? Sure, they all contribute, but are these getting the most bang for your buck? If you're going to open up and expose people, at least focus on the places that are less risky, are more "profitable" (aka help bring back the economy faster) and employ more people!!!

Something I have been saying for years is that people, in general, are getting stupider by the year.... Hardship? Yes, for many, but not nearly as much as people have had to deal with years ago, with war, depression, pestilence, etc. Too many people don't know what hardship really is, myself included. I had to cut back often, but kids first, and even worked 2 jobs at one point. Certainly nothing like my grandparents, parents and previous ancestors had to deal with, but more than many spoiled, entitled, pompous people around today. If things got worse, I would figure out how to deal with it, if possible.

As for focus on hair but not on whether your brother or his wife might expose him to the virus, another common mindset for too many - oh, it won't happen to me!!!

THIS is how to get a haircut... have you seen this? 😅

https://www.nzherald.co.nz/bay-of-plenty-times/video/news/video.cfm?c_id=1503351&gal_cid=1503351&gallery_id=219664

If the link doesn't work, try YouTube: Go Local hair salon makes film

Llama - I know. Apparently he REALLY needed his hair cut....

Like I said, all for people taking the risk if they've thought about it. I understand some old people its a lot to be on their own. Government have said you can only travel 5 miles and see people in their garden. A LOT of people have been going into houses - my wife has with her MIL (who lives 10 miles away). BUT she sat other side of room been really careful etc.

Dad has just thought "need a haircut" and then had no 2nd thoughts at all. Completely oblivious. I mean, its on TV every day about 2m distance so how on earth does he think getting someone to cut his hair is ok?

paul: Good gosh, I do hope brother didn't have the virus and pass it on to your dad, who is unsuspecting and apparently thinks it's not a big deal. Oh, wow! At least his hair is cut.

Yeah, welcome to the real world dad. Worked in a full time career for 45 years myself, sometimes under extreme adversity with bad bosses, but I stuck it out.

Spoke to Dad today.

Brother and wife (the chosen ones) have been around cleaning his house. And worse, cutting his hair.

Although I dread to think how filthy his house is - hes not the cleanest. He normally has a cleaner.

BUT cutting his hair. Really? How do u have a 2m gap cutting someones hair then......

Honestly, its up to them both but hes oblivious. I had to explain, brothers been out, to the supermarket, to where ever, he might not know hes got it, he might now pass it to you, you are very high risk.

Now I'm all for people doing what they want, its choice but Dad just said "Oh didn't think it worked like that". Arrggghhhhhh! Informed choice not exactly. More like stupidity and didnt think about it.

Honestly, I have no words... Why on earth do you think everyones been locked down for months!!!!!

Beatty - thing is I bought him a load of food in march. It must have run out by now.

Brothers been doing his shopping so hes been OK. Can be Dad will want to equalise things when its all back to normal. i.e. it'll my turn for months.

Proves he doesnt NEED much at all to be honest. Its all WANTS.

Bit gutted today but, alledgedly brother starts a new job monday. Never know if its true or not lol.

llama- dad does not live in the real world. If something cost more than £5 its a rip off.

Remember when brother was asked to take custody of his daughter and he refused? (mother had issues). Dads idea was "how can he do that hes got work?".
Ummm Dad theres school then you PAY for childcare after school. No way says Dad that costs money! WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD!

maragaret - I'll set up a trust fund and share it out with all the regulars on this thread- my free counselling lol.

disgusted - yeh part of me is tempted to walk away from it all when he goes if that happens. Then another part of me thinks why should brother have a free ride and all that money for nothing....

Just wondered... has Dad become a bit more self sufficient during the Covid lockdown? He has accepted meals on wheels, right? Is he getting groceries & meds delivered now? A few more bills online (by Paul) so not needing a drive to bank/post office?

I'm just wondering, since this is working better for Paul... a few phone calls... this could be the new future? With maybe a once a month visit added. But goodbye forever to twice weekly visits?

paul: That's rich that your dad thinks accountant fees are on the cheap. And child care IS expensive, but rightly so. My mom was similar - thought of things in 1950s standards. I used to ask - "In what decade was that so?" Yeah, just ignore the bits that don't fit into their mindset. Wow.

Paul, yeah for the marriage! Perhaps all this bellyaching really did help. If your wife wants to know why you spend so much time on the computer late at night, tell her it’s therapy, not porn!

"Guess what happened. Never got the money. Ever. I'd see him in the pub drinking. All I ever got was "next week".

Dad knew about this. But hes the golden child. Dad offered to pay his debt for him but I told him to stuff it."

Fool me once.... you know the rest! This happens all too often. We who might care and be generous can be taken advantage of once, but it ends there! Been there, done that. Funny that mindset - back in the feudal days only the first born son inherited, the rest were on their own!

Benefits of standing your ground have been manifold! You get to let his/their rants roll off (sure, you can still grumble about it, but not with them or in their presence!) and also have a better relationship at home! Win-win all around!

As far as the flat, your choice if/when the time comes. Many people think inheritance is their right, but often there never was or at some point there is nothing to inherit. While we live in a money-based economy, it does tend to become the root of many evils! Money isn't the end-all. Having sufficient money/income to have a nice life style is/should be the goal. Hoarding it doesn't guarantee happiness, that comes from within. All too often I wonder about people who buy/hoard gold - why? Can you eat it? Nope. Will it keep you warm and safe? Nope. Will it cure what ails you? Nope. Sure, it might help pay for some of these needs, but having a large pile of gold, money, whatever, isn't going to take the place of being responsible for yourself and loved ones, and working to ensure you all have what you need! YOU are on the right side of this issue!

In your "inheritance" case you'll have to decide what's important to you - unless bro gets dad to change things. If it remains half each for the flat and any funds, you would certainly get your share of the funds. The flat will be an issue - if the will remains as is, even if he moves in, you still would own half of it. More than likely he would not give you his share of the liquid assets to cover part of the cost, but he would have no legal way to change the deed to his name only. By the time it might need to be sold (given his poor financial skills, he may end up defaulting on taxes and/or upkeep), it couldn't be sold without your signature, so you *might* still get something for it, down the road, assuming he doesn't trash it in the meantime.

maragaret - things are way better with my wife where my Dads involved. We used to argue ALL the time about it.

Now I think, stuff him, you're not getting you're way. I still have a rant but my wife is happy to listen now - before it would get her wound up.

She knows shes out of it and doesnt have to deal with him ever. Sure he doesn't think this and thinks its all "happy families" with him though.

Fully expect he'll kick off one xmas soon and wonder why hes not invited to spend the day with us.

llama - they tend to ignore bits that dont fit in. Like the fact that he paid ZERO tax for two years and just spent it all.

Dads got a thing too about professional fees. Accountants have years of training and cost money - yet dad thinks £20 is a fair fee for anything.

I remember him once asking me about childcare club daughter went to. £35 a day. Its not cheap but its good. Dads comment was £35 a weeks ok - no its per day.

Who on earth will look after your kids for less than a £1 an hour ????

Beatty - I sort of know how it will pan out.

I've even mentioned to Dad that maybe he needs to consider something like this but he refuses to listen.

Dad will pass, brother will grab his stuff and move into the flat quickly. Even if I manage to get him to see that he does not own it all and, in fact, would have to pay me off he may offer to do so.

But of course, he cant get a loan or mortgage so I'd never get the money.

It would maybe then have to go legal. I'm ready for that. Know full well then it'd be all over facebook how his evil brother is evicting him and making him homeless.

paul: I don't get that mentality of your dad and your brother. Everyone has to pay taxes ... or get locked up.

Paul, how is your wife going with the ‘new you’? Cheering quietly in the background? Or did you stop telling her about the new boundaries, months ago? I hope that it’s all turning into a genuine new habit! Does Dad realise that he’s been his own worst enemy?

Paul, so Brother expected you & your wife to help Dad 50/50with him but he expects 100% of the flat. Okeeeey

Never ever mention it! Surprise! One day the Agent is hammering in the For Sale sign so it can be sold & split. He will be left ranting & raving but no-one will be listening.

Or, a bad surprise for you... he pulls a swifty & gets Dad to sign a new will at the last minute. (Hopefully some internet paper that's nowhere near legal). But if legal, you will have to decide to contest it or just walk away.

Regardless, you will be fine relying on your own means.

I met someone who wrote into their will that their principal place of residence was to be sold & split to avoid any such cr@p. Especially of the "I did more so I should get more" bull.

Paul, I'm with you. I used to live in a communist/socialist country for 15 years, so I KNOW how corrupt and oppressive that political system truly is towards the common people. Look at Russia, China, Cuba, Vietnam, Venezuela, and best of all North Korea. That's communism/socialism in reality (not theory) for you. No thank you.

Thank God I now live in the USA.

Paul! For most of my life I have thought of myself as a left wing socialist, and I refuse to be classed with your awful brother or your awful father! Wash your mouth out with soap and water, Paul! Admittedly I have always been on the right of the left and the left of the right, but seriously, folks! And don’t tell me that this site is not about politics, I don’t think the USA posters would even recognise this as politics at all! (Sorry about all the exclamation marks, but really!) ...
Yours, Margaret (!)

Beatty - he already has plans to move into Dads flat when hes gone. As I said his idea is he hasnt got a house and I have so he has it when Dads gone.

I know Dad has left us half house and half savings. His half savings doesnt cover buying me out of the house.

You can see it coming.