It is challenging to be a caregiver no matter what the circumstances are. Shouldn’t we try to be polite in our answers?

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It is challenging to be a caregiver no matter what the circumstances are. Shouldn’t we try to be polite in our answers?

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I have been seeing a few posters blasts each other. Not sure why. Maybe stress. Maybe a bad day or mood and they lash out, or it’s simply their personality. It’s disturbing to see and I have a fairly thick skin. Life has a way of toughening us up. I am sensitive to other’s needs. I do have compassion and empathy for all who are struggling.

Sometimes the blasting comes from the OP too when something has been misunderstood. I see answers taken out of context from time to time from posters too. I realize that no one can hear the tone of a voice or see facial expressions so that complicates matters.

Regardless, it’s time to show common courtesy to each other. Respect and kindness go a long way and is certainly more productive.

Of course, anyone can say the wrong thing at times. All of us have done that in life. Apologies also go a long way, then we can move on to help others. Forgiveness is healing.

Helping others is the purpose of this forum. It’s lovely to see gratitude given for helpful answers and best wishes. It’s beautiful that so many participate to help those in need.

Some posters have been kind enough to stay even after their caregiving responsibilities are over.

I am truly grateful for the enormous amount of help that I received.

Thank you, AgingCare forum for being here when I needed you with my mom and as I continue to need you with my concerns with my husband. Please continue to keep us in your prayers and thoughts.

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So true.

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N NeedHelpWithMom Oct 2020 · Answer 1 · 2020-10-27T23:47:01.000-0400

There is so much insight in your words. I share your sentiments. Thanks for your response.

N NeedHelpWithMom Oct 2020 · Answer 2 · 2020-10-27T23:45:32.000-0400

Great quotes!

S sjplegacy Oct 2020 · Answer 3 · 2020-10-27T23:29:04.000-0400

We have no right to criticize the posts of any caregiver unless we have been in their shoes. And none of us have been in another's shoes. All caregiving is different. If your response to a post is going to be critical, pass it by, don't comment. If you can offer experience, support or hope for those needing it, please do. For those who have left the forum because of criticism, insults, or derogatory replies, I wish they would return. Caring for someone in their final days, months or years is hard enough, much less having someone we don't know judge our actions. Leave the judgement to God.

S Sendhelp Oct 2020 · Answer 4 · 2020-10-27T22:50:20.000-0400

Found this:
"Respect Others"

"The foundation for good manners is respect. If you don't respect others, even knowing which fork to use during a formal dinner is insignificant. You'll still be considered rude. If you show respect to others, they're more likely to be nice back to you. If not, just remember that you've done the right thing and move on.

"Good manners are just a way of showing other people that we have respect for them."
~Bill Kelly

"Politeness is the art of choosing among one's real thoughts."
~Abel Stevens

"Life be not so short but that there is always time for courtesy."
~Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Politeness and consideration for others is like investing pennies and getting dollars back."
~Thomas Sowell

"Doesn't matter what a person's name is as long as he behaves himself."
~L.M. Montgomery"

excerpted from unknown source

A AlvaDeer Oct 2020 · Answer 5 · 2020-10-27T20:50:53.000-0400

That honestly is what I think. If you get mad messages just back away from them and say you will try to do better. Or we can't always get along. Or You don't like me; you really don't like me. And then move on. Let the water move on under the bridge. It is said that everything has it's 15 minutes of fame. (Andy Warhohl) and I suspect for many it is a good deal shorter time.

N NeedHelpWithMom Oct 2020 · Answer 6 · 2020-10-27T20:49:05.000-0400

Tevin,

Don’t stay away. There will be some posters that you can relate to.

Best wishes to you and husband.

My husband was recently diagnosed with cancer. He will start treatments very soon. We are hopeful. Radiation for prostate cancer has a high success rate and we feel it is a better option than surgery.

N NeedHelpWithMom Oct 2020 · Answer 7 · 2020-10-27T20:43:08.000-0400

You are most likely right.

G Gershun Oct 2020 · Answer 8 · 2020-10-27T20:34:20.000-0400

NHWM, the topic of your post comes up regularly on here. I've been posting on here for 6 or so years now. Before my mom passed and the last 5 and a half years since she died. People get mad when they think someone has been rude. I've gotten mad and also had people get mad at me. It's life right? If someone is crude or insulting report them. Otherwise I would say, just ignore it cause it will never change. Don't mean to sound defeatist but after seven years on here I don't see it changing.

L Lvnsm1826 Oct 2020 · Answer 9 · 2020-10-27T20:24:27.000-0400

I agree about being supportive. Even if we disagree on a topic, it's important to hear each other.

T tevincolorado Oct 2020 · Answer 10 · 2020-10-27T20:21:14.000-0400

I feel we should be more respectful in our discussions. I posted something and was lamblasted. I got no support at all. I stayed away for a long time. Now I don't post about my DH at all. I will just have to figure it out by myself.

N NeedHelpWithMom Oct 2020 · Answer 11 · 2020-10-27T20:04:46.000-0400

Don’t get me wrong. I have no problem with a debate. We can certainly learn from each other. We all have different circumstances. What works for one person won’t work for another and so on. Sometimes people get stuck in situations too. I know that I did. It took me awhile to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I feel that we should be respectful in our discussions. Like many others, I get frustrated too. I am not a ‘Pollyanna’ type. I don’t even like Pollyanna personalities. I prefer realists. All of us can try to be cautious when responding to posts, myself included.

It takes time to process information and patience is needed to support others. It’s not abnormal lose patience. It takes practice to gain this virtue.

N NeedHelpWithMom Oct 2020 · Answer 12 · 2020-10-27T19:28:10.000-0400

Blessings to you as well.

N NeedHelpWithMom Oct 2020 · Answer 13 · 2020-10-27T19:27:12.000-0400

You’re welcome, Alva.

Injustice gets to all of us, or it should anyway.

I do believe in kindness though, for others and ourselves. I get upset with myself if I have been unfair in a situation. I get annoyed if I am mistreated.

I suppose unpleasantness is all a part of life. We learn to roll with the punches but as a whole, we can do better.

I InFamilyService Oct 2020 · Answer 14 · 2020-10-27T19:21:46.000-0400

Everyone has a different story and we as caregivers are all different. Be kind because this journey is very hard. I started this forum back in June when my dad passed. Now I help care for mom(84) and my husband's aunt(91). This forum has taught me so much and I also enjoy offering info to others in similar situations. God bless and help us all.

A AlvaDeer Oct 2020 · Answer 15 · 2020-10-27T19:17:48.000-0400

Yes to kindness. I sometimes look back on my posts and I think how very abrupt I have been with people. I am so unforgiving of some things (siblings at war over the poor fragile elder in the middle comes to mind), that I know I answer with too little compassion. I beg forgiveness on that one.
I think the times are tough. Most of us on Aging Care are so kind, and I think so caring. I see a couple of folks who love an argument for the sake of argument, but I have been known to "go there" as well. I am quite liberal, yet all my liberal friends call me "The Devil's Advocate" if you know what that is. I can defend lots of more conservative ideas quite happily. And I sometimes love the fray more than I should.
Your post makes me want to watch myself a bit more. At least for a few days, which is about all I remember stuff anymore!
Wondering if this wouldn't be better in "Discussion", but it is good work to take to heart, whereEVER it is. Thanks NeedHelp.

N NeedHelpWithMom Oct 2020 · Answer 16 · 2020-10-27T18:52:54.000-0400

Thanks for understanding how I feel. Thanks for being kind. I am glad that you have found comfort here as I have. That is what I focus on the most.

Best wishes in your caregiving. It is tough.

P Pasa18 Oct 2020 · Answer 17 · 2020-10-27T18:14:42.000-0400

I appreciate this forum as well. It's been a year now that I sought advice for my mother. One year later, through a UTI, another infection, transfusion, general decline, hospice care, and now palliative care I have gained insight here. The guilt from long distance care and family conflict around my aunt's care remains a dark shadow, but here on the forum I find I am not alone on this last leg of family members' journey. We are not perfect in our reactions and can only do what we can, each day each minute. Yes to kindness.

It is challenging to be a caregiver no matter what the circumstances are. Shouldn’t we try to be polite in our answers?

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