Of all the issues of caregiving what seems to induce the highest level of caregiver guilt?

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I am curious to find out what two or three things in the life of a caregiver seem to create the highest level of guilt and what are the successful ways to deal with the associated guilt?

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I have caregiver burn out. No guilt, my self centered and demanding fil has become a member of my toxic list, he will always be a taker, he never shows empathy for anyone or their illnesses. He never accepts responsibility for his bad choices or mistakes. It,s always been other people's fault. I'm tired, stressed, overwhelmed and emotionally exhausted. I can't t do this anymore, his other son and dil. Can deal with him. I know this sounds harsh, but I am terminally ill and I need time with my husband, children and grandchildren. If I any guilt it's that I should have done this sooner. I won't do this to my children, my future is not long and already have my wishes taken care of.
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Dear didntknow,

My deepest condolences and sympathies on the passing of your dad. I'm so sorry. Its so hard being the sole caregiver to an elderly parent. We all have our limits. And the truth is we really didn't know things would happen so quickly.

I thought my dad was coming home too. But he was getting weaker and weaker. The doctor even told us he had 6 months to a year and that was shocking enough, but then he passed two days later. And I feel as so many of you, rack with guilt. Us women bear this burden more acutely.

I keep going back to the last year of my dad's life. He was getting grumpy. Refusing his meds, eating and drinking less and didn't care about showers. All he wanted to do was sleep. I was at my wits end. And none of my siblings stepped up. All the decisions were up to me. So I feel so extra guilty for letting my dad down. I should have found a better way. I should have found a way to keep him alive. Now I have to suffer the pain and grief of his passing.

I know everything is 20/20 in hindsight. And I should try to move forward the best I can. I continue to seek out counseling, support groups and to read as much as I can about grief. I need to understand, but I still struggle with the guilt.
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I put conditions on my Dad coming home from rehab, or going to assisted living. He had to be able to transfer and clean himself on the toilet.  I had been handling everything else, but he had to be able to do those two things.  Every week we discussed him coming home, and he told me he was just about there. Dad got a UTI, and fell at the AL facility. It started a domino effect and we lost him in 4 short days. I am racked with guilt that I didn't just bring him home, and do what needed to be done. I am unable to sleep and find myself walking the neighborhood at all hours of the night. 
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I feel guilty because I'm discovering that I am wearing out and worry that I won't be able to keep up with this for much longer. I am the only child and sole caregiver, except for the aide I hire when I'm at work. There is resentment too, because my life is gone, and fear, because mom's care is going to bankrupt us. My income isn't great and I have no health insurance or pension plan, except eventually a pittance from social security. And I am afraid of seeing mom decline and nothing I can do to stop it.
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In the last few months my mother has done less and less and less. She was never a person that was very outgoing even when she could get up and get around, preferring to talk to one or two friends on the phone and basically watch TV. I remember she has watch TV all of her life, but I still find it so frustrating that she won't go down and enjoy the people that are in her senior center but then complains that she's very lonely. I still work and though she lives about 15-20 minutes away, I simply will not go down there every day to be her social time. I do, however, need to do a better job of taking care of myself.
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I SEE SOMEONE SAID THEY WERE GETTING HELP FROM A CAREGIVERS SUPPORT GROUP. I LIVE IN FT. MYERS FL AND CAN'T SEEM TO FIND ONE. ANY IDEAS.
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This is such a thought-provoking thread. If I feel guilt, it's because I'm not one of the Doormat Daughters that society seems to expect us to be. I had lunch last week with a group of women, one of whom hadn't been able to get together with us for months because of her mother. (Her 93 y/o mother cannot be left alone because she fell, was hospitalized and then in rehab.) Her mother will not have anyone come in, nor will she go to a facility. (A brother stays with the mother while my friend is at work. My friend was told by her sibs to move in with the mother when my friend's husband died over a decade ago, and she did so.)

My guilt comes in because I would not sacrifice myself like this (or like so many on this forum do). Maybe it's guilt that I can't let things go; can't accept that I'm the one who is supposed to be the main point person for my mother, all the while being unappreciated.
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LOL, Sis! I mean, mom2mom!
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Carla, You wrote "My own mother was so independent; I never imagined she would one day decide to give up everything in her life to sit in a chair and be waited on by her children."

I didn't see you at the family reunion. That is odd because we are clearly sisters.
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I must admit I have the same trouble many times with my situation. My wife's accident slowly chipped away at our relationship that we no longer are a "couple". I tried the best I could but found no way to prevent a change when the relationship was so dramatically different. I am here and never leaving out of compassion and empathy and will "soldier on". 
Sometimes I wonder if I suffer some form of PTS from her accident and going through being told I should "prepare myself" for her death or staying in a coma and the (6) month journey to get her back home. There is no one left and she would need to be placed in a skilled nursing facility if I left. I despise any person who could just leave knowing that and even the thought makes me feel incredibly guilty and ashamed. So I push forward the best I can with no real future plan or dreams when a guy my age should have many.
I know the situations bad when I read posts about people trying to deal with aging parents and I see that as just a difficult period to go through and not a life sentence. I don't say that in disrespect or comparison because I know being a caregiver is an incredibly tough job no matter what you're dealing with. Just like the depth of the water makes no difference when it's over your head. I think it's just more a realization to me knowing this is not a temporary event in my life which will one day pass.
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