Mom is 85, my girlfriend and I have lived with her for 3+ years at her request and after much discussion.
She started declining mentally after dad died 23 years ago.
She was hospitalized for a fall about 12 years ago and ended up going through severe alcohol withdrawal. I don't believe she has drank since then but it damaged her further. This was the last time she saw a doctor other than getting her ears cleaned at an ENT Dr.. Her BP was 224/137 at the time. She refuses any medical attention.
It's been a very rough 3 years, she is aggressivly adversarial with me. The aggression is increasing, I've learned to deal with it to some degree. So far it is only verbal/physiological.
Her car battery is dead and I refuse to fix it. She should not be driving as she has proven many times.
Last week she had a bruise the size of the entire outside of her forearm. We have security cameras. I counted her falling down at least 6 times and on the floor for over an hour. It appears that she can't move one of her legs temporarily. When we got home she was back on her feet, shook up a bit but refused any medical attention.
I am the sole housekeeper, cook, caretaker in the house. I also have a full time business I own.
I have been asking her to keep her toilet flushed because of the smell. She has resisted. I recently discovered that the smell is actually drinking glasses overflowing with poop and shower water she is keeping in the shower....! Right next to a functioning toilet. Upon discovering I was cleaning it up she physically tried to stop me and defend her cups of poop!
I believe she has had some form of dementia for a while, it's why we moved in. Up till now she has seemed able to bathe and do her laundry. I'm horrified she is basically bathing in poop!
She is unable to cook, drive, operate anything new and a lot things familiar. She seems incapable of any meaningful communication.
Dementia, high BP, UTI, Mini strokes plus who knows what?!
I'm it, she has 2 brothers who are concerned but not involved, my brother is on the other side of the country and largely unconcerned. I'm it and I have reached my limit.
I need help. If I can't figure something out I'm going to move out and leave her there to fend for herself.
I would do most anything for the woman if she was the least bit cooperative but I can't be treated this way. No one including her should live in those conditions.
I have called all family members and told them what is up, I have called APS.
She needs medical attention and mental evaluation.
I don't know what to expect, I've left a message with APS 2 days in a row but have not heard back. I don't know if they can even HELP and I'm sure nothing will happen quickly.
I feel like it is a betrayal of her wishes but I also know it is necessary. I don't want to abandon her but I have to get some help.
Heartbroken in Montgomery Co. OH.