In memory of... There have been so many deaths among this community this year.

I lost my stepdad on October 26, 2016. What a wonderful man and caregiver to my mom, on his own, never a complaint, until he needed care as well. A very loving and caring man and loved my mom with all his heart.

I lost my mom on June 1, 2017. A very successful woman in her own right. A loving mother, at least much of the time, though I did not appreciate it at the time. Thinking and loving you mom.

12/15/2015 my Mom passed at 98 from advanced dementia which was caused by a very serious fall, she was still living at home with my Dad. She was in denial of her age, thus became very stubborn, extremely strong willed, no caregivers, wasn't moving, etc. That was a challenge.

09/19/2016 my Dad passed at 95 from aspiration pneumonia. A very bright man, inventor, very gentle soul, great sense of humor. All his caregivers loved him :) Dad had missed my Mom terribly after 70+ years of marriage.

I do miss them both.

FF, so often, they pass so close together. Hard on us, but at the same time comforting that they are once more together.

My mom passed away yesterday, August 25, 2017. Although this was a long goodbye with dementia and CHF, I'm still somewhat shocked that she's gone. I think we need a "post caregiving" thread. What comes next? I just amazed by the fact that I don't actually need to sleep with my phone any longer.

Barb, after my caregiving ended I think I was just plain numb for seven months until my life started to fall back into place. Then the past two years have mostly about me getting back to my career just figuring out who I am again. I have found I have a much thicker skin. So much sadness for four years caring for mom.

Thinking of you and such a fresh loss.

Dear gladimhere,

Thank you for starting this thread. I also lost my dad in October 2016. It has been a painful year. And today I am particularly teary thinking back about what I could have still done to save him. He relied so much on me and my judgement, that I gave myself zero room for error. I was lucky to have a good father. He was present and he tried his best for his children.

Thinking of you all. Sending love and hugs to everyone.

Ahh, CDN, you did all you could have done. And dad knows that there was no more you could have done. He knows how helpful and caring you were while patiently doing everything you could possibly do.

My stepsister passed away on late Aug 25. It was surreal because she has been on hospice for months, and her colon cancer had returned and metastasized all over. My father passed away on Aug 24 12 years ago, and I remember speaking to her at the funeral and M said she hoped she went fast like my dad, and didn't linger in pain. She didn't get what she asked for, and my stepmother was her primary caregiver in her late 80's. I've seen multiple post-caregiver threads here - and many of us who come back when the next wave hits (was here 6 years ago with my mom, then came back when the in-laws moved 50 miles away with major health issues and denial of same). I miss my dad and mom, and now M, but I don't miss the hospitals and pain. Not one bit.

Thank you for the kinds words gladimhere. Struggled a bit this weekend and even today with the tears. Trying hard to remember the good memories, but they still seem so far away.

I lost my oldest sister on June 30, 2016, from organ failure attributable to the long-deferred consequences of some extremely toxic treatment she had for a childhood cancer. Although we quarreled bitterly over the last few years of her life, mainly over issues relating to my mother's care, I still miss her very much and am so pained that we ran out of time to resolve our issues and return to the closeness we shared as children and younger adults. I tried to stay with her and take care of her when she was sick but she really didn't want me around. It's left a big hole in my life, not to have her anywhere in it.

Carla, my relationship with my twisted sisters really took a beating the past six years, four of which I cared for my mom with AD. Sissies never believed how sick mom was until after they moved her to memory care. Sad, isn't it that sibs think that we would like about the illness, for whatever reason they conjure up in their brains. Unfortunately for mom, twisteds found out within a week of the move with a hospitalization for a geriatric psych evaluation.

My mom did all she possibly could have for each of us when we were kids. Then she gets old and sick... Any relationship with my sister's is now not possible. One day one of us will die, then I wonder what the others will do.😟

BarbBrooklyn,

Your comment about the cellphone vigilance hit home with me. *sigh* Not saying I don't miss the anxiety of a middle of the night phone call, it's just so SILENT.

My mom died 4/12/17. It's so weird to me she's gone. I can't ask her questions about a memory or a recipe anymore.

I'm relieved her suffering is over, but her strong personality kept her pretty cognizant to the the last couple of days. She denied she was dying even two days before. That makes me sad as we could've had some good talks.

My father in law died March 25th and my only surviving uncle a week after my mom. 2017 has been a rough year.

I've had a lot of anxiety lately. I'm hoping it goes away.

Windy, right now I'm very numb, but I can see and feel that this year is going to be one fraught with anxiety, doubt and overreations. We think were prepared, but were not. We think were going to be relieved, and we are, but we're not. This is going to take an awful lot of getting used to.

Windy, anxiety is a terrible and debilitating thing. I grew up with two extremely anxious and hypervigilant parents and didn't realize until I was in my 20s that I didn't have to be that way.

If it gets in your way, I hope you'll seek out some relief in whatever way helps you.

Dear Barb,

I think you expressed it perfectly. Hugs my friend. Thinking of you and your family during this difficult time. It takes a long time for our minds to come terms with our journey.

Thanks, CDN!

It is a feeling of being lost, I guess is the best way to describe it. Very difficult, life changes completely, and missing those that were such a large part of our lives, all our lives.

BarbBrooklyn, so sorry to hear of your loss. You are right, there needs to be a post-caregiver support group. It does leave you numb. I lost my mom 2/13/2017 after 15 long years with Alzheimers. That was more than 6 months ago and I'm still picking up the pieces. Best of wishes to you.

I was cleaning up today (oh my, my house is such a disaster area) and I was about to throw out the sheet with all the NH information on it. There's a note on the back: "12/1/2009 bp 260/118, measured by EMT"

While the hospital said that she didn't have a stroke that day, my mother's brain was never the same. Almost 8 years ago is when I really lost my mom, which may be why I'm not feeling all that "mournful".

Dear Barb,

I think that is the hardest part. To think our parents' decline started with the first TIA or the next stroke and then the next. My father wasn't the same either after his stroke. You were a very loving and dutiful daughter. No adult child should have to witness their parents decline. It is horribly painful.

Since 2010 I have lost 2 brothers-in law, two sisters-in-law, an aunt, two uncles, my mother, my sister and just when I thought 2017 would spare me a death in the family, my son past away this past July. Age range 39-84. The youngest my son and the oldest my mother. My sister was only 54. "God will never give people more than they can handle" Really??? 10 family members gone in 7 years, especially my son who left behind a 3 year old and an 8 year old. I don't know how many more in memory of, I can handle!

Labs4me - I am so sorry to hear of all your losses. Not much can be said except I'm sorry for all the losses you've experienced.

Dear Labs4me,

I'm so sorry for all your losses. I don't know what to make of life sometimes. I'm starting to feel there is no rhythm or reason. I know your pain and sorrow is deep. Thinking of you.

Labs, my gosh that is a lot of losses. I was just talking with a friend tonight, her dad passed yesterday. We get to about 60 and it seems every week someone else has lost a loved one. Then the triggers of our own losses. Difficult times. Thinking of you all.

And Barb I am with you. I do not feel like I have grieved my mom. I lost her a bit at a time over her 12 years of Alzheimer's. The way I feel I do not know if I ever will grieve her. Those last six years were very difficult.

This week there have been three deaths of parents that I know about. Staceyb a long time user of this site, Jim L that will bury his dad tomorrow, and a friend, not on AC, lost her dad on Sunday. I guess I should be ready for this to happen. We are that age that we are close to losing parents, if we haven't already, and next week we will know someone else that is going through what we went through such a short time ago. I now understand why so many leave this site when their loved one passes. AC great for providing triggers to the grief.

And, opportunities to heal among friends, if one is open to it.

I just discovered that a friend of mine died this morning. We were not extremely close, but, had known each other for almost 4 years. She held a place of trust for me and I valued her opinions. She was active in Senior care and so many people are going to really feel her absence.

She had what they thought was a heart attack Tuesday night and passed away today. I'm still in shock.  She was only in her 60's and had not been sick or diagnosed with any heart condition. Her family and friends are reeling. I just feel so out of it. This is going to be a more somber Christmas, that's for sure. We have to treasure every day. That's for sure.

Dear Sunnygirl1,

I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your friend. It is a terrible shock.

My father passed last October and now my mom's mother passed this October as well. I am starting to dread this month all together. It is hard to deal with so many losses. But I try to take to heart your words to treasure each day.

Dear Friends,

Thinking of you all. Wishing us all peace and comfort in 2018.

Found 2 pen-pals had passed, one in 2016 and the other a few months ago.

Back in the 1970's my then hubby and I went on a cross-country train trip and met an older couple from NYC. For 35 years the wife and I would exchange holiday cards and annual letters. She had a photo of us and them on the train that she had framed and kept on her wall.

In 2016 I didn't hear from her even though I mailed her a holiday/birthday cards. Last year still no word from her even though I just mailed her a recent holiday card. I checked the Internet and found what sounded like her death announcement in 2016 but no obit. The birth/death years would have matched up for her. Oh how I wished the family would have taken her address book and let people know she had passed :(

On the other side of the coin, my then hubby and I were visiting France in the 1980's when we met a lovely older couple from Germany. The wife spoke English. We invited them to the States and they came. Had a wonderful time. The husband knew more about American History then the average American... he was giving "us" the tour of Washington DC. We exchanged cards for decades. Then she stopped writing. Thankfully one of her sons would exchange emails with me for a while giving me updates, his Mom had Alzheimer's. Even though communication had dropped for over 5 years, the son did let me know his Mom had passed a few months ago.

Lost my father in September 2016 from a rare form of brain cancer. Sadly I’m the one that had to tell his 95 year old mother (my grandmom, who I care for) that he had cancer/that his time was limited/that he passed away. Truly a feeling that I can’t describe ~ though it does seem to lessen with the passage of time. Sadly his death has bought out the true colors of not only himself (got copies of messages he sent, saying I’m the most hated person in his life - gee, the one who he hated the most was the one who made time to be there...unlike the rest of family) but the rest of the family....and boy oh boy it’s mighty ugly. Only so much abuse I can take. Started thinking about my future, mainly what happens when his mom passes ~ at first I thinking I’d stay in the house (it’s in the will, it will be left to me) but judging by all the ugly I’m seeing....(frequent insults from other family, etc) I think I’ll only be ‘here’ for maybe a year or two tops... fix up the house and sell it without them knowing. Just want to disappear without a trace. I hold on to the belief that things will get better, once I’m far away from those toxic people. I wish things weren’t this way but sadly that’s how the cards fell.

My condolences to those who’ve had a rough 2017 (2016, 2015, etc ~ anyone who is struggling at the moment) - I hope that 2018 is a better year for you.