One important rule all caregivers should adopt.

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Caring for an elderly person with friendliness. There are no hard and fast rules for caring for the elderly. But there is one important rule that all care givers should adopt and champion and that rule is always establish a routine. In may ways elderly people are like children, and routines provide a reassuring structure to their day when the world outside is becoming an increasing confusing and hostile place to inhabit.

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Figured out many years ago that my siblings weren't going to be there and I should act as an only child. I do have my brother that lives near by that is trying he is unsure how to take care of her really well but at least he is trying. He needs step by step instruction especially with her meds but I am taking a break the next two days from work and my normal schedule so will see how this goes. She attends adult daycare from 830-4pm so that usually wipes her out and she sleeps a lot so im hoping for a peaceful night for my brother otherwise I know my cellphone will be ringing all night. I know my current job situation will have to change soon because they only care about numbers and my productivity can't be what they want when i have all this on my mind and especially with them wanting me to work so late. Especially with it getting closer to spring she will start walking all over the neighborhood thats how all this started when she walked off, fell and broke her hip. She still walks well on her own has a walker and wheelchair when needed but wheelchair is only for our shopping trips. This next week will be hard for my mom its the anniversary of when my dad died 5 years ago so keeping her happy and busy will be my job. In less than two weeks having new assessment to change her homecare so im hoping this new service will help its homecare through the adult daycare center so maybe she will recognize some of these people. Thanks for listening to my story.
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I am also having problems sticking to a routine with my 97y.o. Mother. Sometimes she doesn't feel like getting up early(8 or 9am) so I let her sleep in later. She also likes to stay up late, mainly because she sleeps alot during the day due to inactivity. When she can't go in the yard or out on one of her porches and sweep because of the temperature, she becomes very restless. I need to explore an adult daycare program, if I can get her to go.
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Chris, sounds like your mom is at the point where she needs someone to keep an eye on her 24/7. I took FMLA 5 years ago when Mom came home from rehab after a fall. At the end of my 12 weeks it was clear to me that we could no longer leave her unsupervised so I was asked by my sibs to quit my job and be her care giver.
She is in a wheelchair now and can no longer wash, dress, or feed herself. Went through her LTC insurance money in the last 3 years for payed caregivers, as mom was quite the handful because of her severe OCD combined with PD and dementia. She is now in daycare 4 days a week and I had to cut back on paid help, but it's much easier with her in the wheelchair the past year. Physical therapy had a special high tech one approved for her through her insurance. It even reclines back and she can't tip it over like her regular one.
By the way, I have 6 sibs, 3 of who were all for keeping her at home. I rarely see them,and they don't help me with Mom at all, unless I ask. So don't count on help from that direction, as it will probably be all you! Just the way it goes, sorry!
I hope you can find alternatives so that you can keep your job for a while. You don't need the added burden of financial problems too. Good luck!
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Thanks Lildeb I will call her for sure. Right now have an assessment interview with alternatives for older adults (service from the state that pays for homecare and daycare). Have tried for the last 18 months the one homecare service but consistently have had trouble keeping the same caregivers due to bad scheduling and caregivers leaving for better jobs. I have a very stressful job to and they keep changing me to later hours which is just too much change for my mom. Homecare has been nonexistent lately and I have had to have my brother stay with her a couple hours during week but all he does is text me non stop but its always so busy at work its hard to handle. I have applied for FMLA at work just to keep my job but have started looking for 1st shift job because its just too much stress. I get more assistance from my aunt and best friend that I do from my siblings but im not only child just wish they would care enough to help her. My mom does really well at adult daycare even though she fought it in the beginning but she considers it to be her "job". The biggest problem for homecare is she used to be a CNA and did that kind of work for 30 years. But I have decided when we switch homecare services im taking time off work so I can train them properly. Thanks so much for all this help it has helped a lot.
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Routine is what we have found to work for my mom who has dementia, and when they change her tv viewing it takes some time for her to get accustomed to it. We try to keep everyday routine the same, and I don't think she realizes it, but it is what tends to work the best.
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Your welcome n I am just now trying them out as well. You have a while before October so I wouldn't worry about it. However, you do still need those little breaks to help keep you from going insane. Good Luck.
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Thanks for posting that number lildeb - I'm going vacation with my daughter and 2 of my grandkids in October. Normally my brother takes over for me when I go on vacation but he had mentioned a while back that he was going to be going on a road trip with his girlfriend in October, so that may conflict. Between my husband and a respite caregiver, it probably wouldn't cost more than a plane ticket for my brother anyway.
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I do agree that you need to keep the "routine" for your loved one cause it does/ can cause them a problem after all thats what they have been used to. I have taken care of my mom for 10 years and she does not like change at all.God Bless all of you here .....^ -^ - Purplerain
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Chrissykall, You are going to need some help. I can understand when it comes to staying on the routine things. The routine thing is a must if you can keep it that way for her. As for your mom accepting someone to help, I just got some help from here online n they suggested a couple "In-Home" help for us. She also gave me a # to call her if I needed more services in case those didn't work for me. Right now we have had one 'in-home visit assessment n they seem very knowledgeable n my mil actually felt comfortable as they were here. That could had been that I wrote my mil a note on the white board so she wouldn't freak out. Of course, it is a bit pricey to me but I did find out I don't have to have a contract it can be a on-call basis as long as I can let them know at least a day ahead if possible. That was comforting to know. The lady that hooked me up with these care giver respite resources was from this site
I hope you r able to get some help with your family members but don't hold your breath like some of us have already experience. Hopefully they will help but just n case I would search for alternatives for your sake to get a few brakes. Good luck.
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I would think that it depends on the living situation and their mental state, as an older person living with a family - with younger kids - would have a harder time sticking to a routine. Our household is sometimes hectic, but my parents still have a good mind, so it may actually be stimulating (hopefully!) Some things like meal times, bedtime, should be the same time every day.
Anyone who has Alzheimer's or dementia would definitely need to have a set routine. Even having visitors in the home used to upset my grandfather.
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