My dad is 64 with a spinal cord injury he has had for 20 years now. He is not military. He does live in Colorado where through Medicaid you can hire your own health care workers instead of an agency. Sounds good but he can't find anyone who has a car, or is reliable. His one health care lady has left after back surgery. So he has no reliable help. He has nurses coming to tend his wounds on his heel. He keeps peeing his pants.
I went last weekend. I live 2 hrs away. I shop and make meals for the freezer. He also needs to move. Landlord wants to fix and sell the house. He told my dad last May. My dad can't find anything in his budget that he likes or has room for his stuff. I've talked till I'm blue. I've come up with realitic ideas like wheelchair-accessible apartments. He doesn't want to live in town or in an apartment. He has to have it his way.
Now he is 6 days again with no help so no bowel program. It's hard to look forward to the weekend because of the guilt I feel if I don't go. I'm really tired of him not taking care of himself. He tells me healthcare agencies are no good. He had one once. I have posted jobs at the nursing progran at the University. No luck. I tried talking to them first. It still doesn't help once they are around my dad.
He was hoping my brother would get paroled so he could come live with him and help him. My brother was denied. I'm glad because I don't want to see my brother fall back into old habits at dad's. Of course I'd like to see him well and free at some point. Dad only sees it from his point of view. I've talked with his case worker before and I've been told it's his choice. Nobody is forcing him to live like this.
My dad doesn't have a lot of money but still pays my brother's mortgage in Montana because he can't let go. I ask him to stop. I help where I can and buy him groceries, but I can't buy him a place or land to put a trailer on. He won't move closer to me because he will lose his state money. I'm just so tired of having the same convo with him. He is just getting worse. I firmly told him as I'm changing his pee-soaked sheets that he needs help. Oh, he knows and lights another cigarette.
I went away last weekend with my husband because we needed to, but not before my dad let me know he had in peed pants once again but he was glad I was getting away. Tonight when I called he hasn't had any help, no bowel program and is going to do it himself and get in the shower by himself. I say, "Why won't you get help? Why do you continue this way?" He says it's hard to find anyone. Too tired... If everyone hadn't screwed him... It's the same conversation every time. I say I love you; be careful. What the frick. I have work in the morning. Trying to process all of this and not get too down.