Please forgive the length of this explosion. I'm mainly venting I guess.
My mother finally divorced my father after 45 years of being treated horribly by my father. She has always been a very positive person and managed to tolerate him by working full time, volunteering and making excuses for his behavior. I despised him as he was so ugly to her, my brother and me behind closed doors. After the divorce Mom moved to a small town not far from us and moved in with a friend. We visited a lot but haven't lived together since I was in my early 20's. I'm 58 now. About 12 years after the divorce my husband and I were both given the opportunity to work from home. We decided to move near my husband's family in another state. Mom was still very active and had made lots of friends. I've always admired her positive "glass is overflowing" outlook on life. When we moved I mentioned her moving with us. I never thought she would say yes but she did. I was excited because I thought we would finally get to be close. My father had been very good at keeping us emotionally apart most of my life.
She is now living with us. Has joined a church, bible study, gym and drives everywhere. We are going insane. I made her get hearing aids after I figured out she was pretending to hear. She doesn't wear them half the time. So we are repeating ourselves three or four times. She frequently interrupts us to show us "amazing" videos and pictures on her phone. She has no idea that you are supposed to knock on a closed door and wait for an answer before you open the door, including the bathroom. Serious lack of impulse control - has to touch or pickup everything that looks interesting to her instead of asking about it first. Not just at our house but everywhere we go Interrupts strangers conversations to tell them she likes what they are wearing or she likes their hair or their children are cute and she'll touch the children.
She has begun "narrating" everything she is doing when making breakfast in a loud whisper or breathes in loud puffs that sound as if she is about to collapse. Every time I ask her if I can help her do anything she refuses assistance and always says she feels just fine. It's obvious she is in pain has she has RA.
I've stopped eating half the food in our refrigerator because she will get a spoonful of something, lick the spoon and then get more. She has also begun picking her nose (I just hand her a tissue), her teeth and ears and doesn't wash her hands before heading to the fridge.
She forces "help" on us. For instance will be watching something and she will decide to put dishes in the dishwasher. I will tell her not to worry about it I will take care of it later after the movie is over. It take me being mean to get her to stop. Then she gets upset and says she was just trying to help. There are other scenarios such as being told by both us both several times that we will put gas in the car and she does it anyway and then hits a concrete post at the gas station. "Just wanted to help". Will not ask or accept help from us at all. Ever. Hides it from us. That's just a few of the issues. I'll stop now.
I know growing old is no fun. I will have RA. May lose my hearing. Already have another medical issue. My husband and I had planned on taking some road trips this year and we talked with her about it before we moved. Now I'm afraid to leave her by herself for any length of time. I also feel like maybe we've been "snookered" I apologize to any caregivers who think of this as childish as I know what you are experiencing is much more difficult. She has never broken anything, had one surgery years ago and always been active. We did not move her in as caregivers. This is not the person she was when we visited with her over the years. I feel like I made a huge mistake. But I can't move her somewhere else. It's straining our marriage and we feel trapped.