I'm sorry, I'm just venting... and I'll probably be over it later.

My mom just got done talking to her nurse and asked me if I wanted to go on a diet with them. This is NOT a bad thing, I've been trying to get my mom on a diet for a long time. But I am the one that prepares her meals... and goes through the painstaking process of figuring out what she wants to eat every single day. She's SO picky. She always claims that she'll eat anything, but I often get back plates of food that have barely been touched after she's "eaten". She's been in the hospital for pancreatitis, so she NEEDS to clean up her diet anyway, but often gets mad at me when I don't give her candy or ice cream she wants. I just give it to her. I give her anything she wants just so she doesn't get all mad later. She is able-minded, does not have dementia or anything affecting her mind. She's just physically disabled. So she can still make her own decisions about her health.

But for her to ask me if I wanted to go on a diet with them just hurts. And I can't even explain why it hurts in proper words. It's mean. She cannot prepare her own meals, so her saying that she wants to go on a diet with another person... that I would have to prepare... is just a slap in the face to me. It really is. Hell no, I do not want to go on a diet with her. I know what she's like. She's going to get mean... and I am not going to go through it.

I feel your pain, although a little differently in my situation. The aggravation, I understand. Mine is my dad... he is losing weight each month. He is very limited on what he can eat, because he only has top teeth (denture). Then we have BM issues, so trying to find foods rich with fiber, plus remember to do the supplemental things to help. Doctors ask how his appetite is and sometimes it seems like a complaint about the food and other times it is lack of appetite. Then today, "our we having anything for supper tonight?" (it was maybe 6:30). It does not matter that I took him to dr this morning, asked before leaving town if he wanted lunch - no. Came home, dropped him off, went back to town to do my errands, picked up my youngest from work, came home, checked the furnace, washed yesterdays dishes, had 15 mo old grandson dropped off for evening and settling him in. Yes, we have supper every night! Geez!
Then, my mom today - "I was thinking about you asking if I could come down to help him in the shower weekly. I can't do it. Do you know how long it's been since we lived as we were married? Have your husband go check on him to make sure he didn't drown." 30 years living apart, but never divorced. He's helped her 2 yrs ago when he shouldn't have been doing for her, because of his own health...yet she can't help with a simple task to help keep his dignity?? Oh, btw, she lives alone, 30 seconds away from us. My married life has been on hold or stalemate for 2 months already, I have grandson 5 nights a week, I work, I am in college, I have 2 kids at home - one without drivers license and working. Thankfully, she is still helping with that.
Yesterday, I had to cut my dad's hair for him. His mobility is limited cause of pain. I couldn't get to his one side to do better. He thought I should do this in the kitchen while my husband was cooking supper....uh no, not happening! Made it work in dining room. Gave him a mirror so he could shave his face and he complains I didn't white-wall his ears. I didn't do exactly as he wanted, yet he didn't tell me exactly either, nor did I have room. Plus, the grandbaby was just dropped off and I still started the haircut anyhow! I am getting tired of eating cold meals, when I do actually get time or remember to eat. I know I dropped a couple pounds, I won't complain about that, but I am getting tired of having no "me time." It is late at night and consists of reading til I drop the book at bed time and then get less than 5 hours of sleep, wake to start all over again. Then to hear him complain at dr's about my grandson and what he would do if he could move around better? I saw red. He's a great baby, except he is a baby. He does make loud noises at times Otherwise, he's great and an excellent sleeper. Talk about feeling unappreciated today and lately. I am scared of this continuing. Then I feel horrible for wishing I knew how long this would go on.
Forgot to mention the 2 sides of a story when home nurses were coming in and I happened to be home the one day to hear things said. I had to defend myself and explain the whole story. If you are capable of walking to the bathroom - get walking. Laying in bed and having me empty bottles - not happening when you can walk. Not a nurse - 'bathroom area' is why I am not a nurse, it's not the blood or needles!

Is the nurse eating with Mom? Great, have her prepare the shopping list, the menu, and the food!

I suspect the nurse had something to do with the idea, & I don't think you should be treated like a servant that way. Hope it turns out well.

Say 'tell me the diet you want and I'll prepare it for you'. Don't eat together, so you can have what you want without criticism.

My mom just asked me to 'stop her' from eating things she shouldn't. However, what this entails is when we make the shopping list or ask what she wants that day, I am supposed to interrupt her and remind her that something is bad for her and she shouldn't get it. This is how this has gone in the past, she either gets pissed and defensive if I do this or gets depressed that she shouldn't have something she wants. Or she'll point out things I'm getting that aren't the best either. I refuse to do this anymore.

Probably the nurse's idea... you know, to try and get your mom to eat better by having 'everyone join in' in with it. (If mom needs a special diet- so does the whole city ...for moral support.... or a good team effort.)

It isn't personal... though it sure seems like it is. ( Like, I do all of this food prep and THEN you want me to join in with her for all of the 'fun'?! Ha! N.O.T.)

You have freedom of choice. You know your mom. You can decide what is best for your situation and for her diet. You could always tell mom that she can have her (low fat version) treat only on certain days, or something... and offer her fruit or some other healthier option other days...
Eating separately may be another option - so she either eats her meal or goes hungry (... did she ever say that to you growing up?!)
My mom was a picky eater, too when I shopped for her food... nothing was right.
Now she is in a memory care facility and eats just about everything, though usually a half portion.
Not an easy situation.

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