I'm not leaving....

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When Mom came to live with me I was lost, hurt, alone and very afraid. I started googling her symptoms and looking for answers. I was desperate. I came across questions like mine and answers from ppl on this site. I was amazed at the knowledge, compassion and identification I found here. I was addicted to this site!

I read for weeks, literally day and night, before I finally got up the nerve to ask for help.

I did not mind being open and honest with my Mom's plight. I felt you would understand what she AND I were facing. And thankfully you did. The response was amazing. I thought, thank God for this site and these wonderful ppl.

I stuck around as I dealt with Mom because I felt safe here. No longer alone. You felt like a LifeLine as Mom got worse. I needed you.

As I continued to read questions, I realized I had something to offer. I did not give advice on things I had no experience with. It felt good to be able to give back and help the next person reaching out. AA teaches us this. However, I started to notice when a regular member would answer first, the rest of the regulars would conform and follow suit..... don't do it....do it.....leave him....call the authorities...on and on.

I didn't think much about it, but gave my suggestions from my own way of thinking. My individual experiences and out comes. What I've been taught and what ive struggled with & already worked through.

I was humbly forced to back up my comments and prove I've experienced my advice. When I did ....lay it all out, I figured I was doing it in a safe place, with understanding ppl....Like in a no judgement zone. That was a joke.

I guess there's a dominating clique in every group. Ppl feel possessive of a place and claim it as their own. No room for differing thoughts, Opposing views.

Open mindedness is a valuable asset, as it keeps me learning and growing. Shunning only shows insecurities. It's glaringly obvious any love and support here is extremely conditional. That's pretty sad.

I really get a kick out of the phoney " God bless you" comments and biblical quotes. Cherry picking at it's finest. Don't use God to try to make yourself look like your something your not. Giving a blessing is 💯 percent about the other person. Not thrown around to glorify your image. If it came from the heart, you'd heed His other teachings.

*There is no blessing in being good to ppl you like. No, the blessing comes in being good to those you do not like.* "Or"
*What you do on to the least of you, you do on to me.*

Being a good person is NOT always easy. If it's easy we're not doing it right.

Well, I did not come here to conform. I came to get help and hopefully help others. If that has cause *the clique* to turn their backs on me, when I'm asking for help, feeling my heart's being crushed....then there it is. Actions ALWAYS speak louder then words. Ppl will rarely remember what we said, but always remember what we did.

I do not want or need any phoney justificatory comments. I just needed to say, you read like an open book.

God Bless And may peace be with you.
Pepsee

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Hi Pepsee....I just read this post for the first time. (amazing as I am gradually reading all the posts). I hope things have settled down for you and you have found some peace. Caregiving is such a rollercoaster of emotion. (I have found out the hard way the last few months)

I post usually on something that I have lived through be it now or something that happened to me in the past (in my 30's Mom used to tell me I had lived the life of a 70 year old...smile). I am a what you see is what you get type of person and I hope I have never come across as judgmental or insincere to you or anyone here on the forum. I care but I know that, being human, I may come across in the wrong way and if so I hope someone asks me to clarify what I said.

I did not see why you need to apologize. There are a wonderful bunch of people on this site (I know I say it a lot but it is sooo true). I am fairly new having joined this forum a few months ago, though my situation with my honey has not changed an extreme amount the thoughts, suggestions and shoulders to cry on definitely saved my life. I am still struggling with anxiety attacks but am holding strong on the boundaries with my honey. I could not have done this if not for this forum. I have not seen the "clicks" that you talk about so I can't respond on that part.

You have a hard row to hoe (as the old saying goes) ahead of you though you already have been through so much. Please keep us posted. And don't hesitate to post to vent, ask for advice or just need a shoulder to cry on.

Take care and I do agree with Tacy... you should start a thread about your hospice experience. I may not post on it as other than with my Mom and Dad I have not experienced it. Back when Mom and Dad needed hospice they did not have it like they do today or maybe it was called something else.
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Hugs Pepsee 💜
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This discussion has been bothering me for a couple days. I do not understand why Pepsee needed to validate her opinion. I 100 percent agree with her original post without her having to sugarcoat her feelings. The religious thing doesnt bother me because I am not religious so I consider it just a form of expression.

I remember the time Rainmom got flamed. It was by Jude (I really miss her on the board). Right after that someone did it right back to Jude. I posted essentially the same thing Pepsee has now because I was bothered by how the two of them were treated . They were two peoples opinions that I completely respected and they were both silent. The ringleader of the clique went to "her" threads and bashed me beyond belief and had my thread taken down because she thought it was about her and it wasn't. I have left this forum several times because of that one person.

Pepsee, I think you should start a thread on your hospice experience. I will not post on it because the hospice experience was to tramatic for me to relive but others will support you on the journey.
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Pepsee,
I am so sorry for the anguish that you are feeling regarding your Mom. This is definitely one of the hardest things in life to go through. I truly will be praying for you and your Mom. This is rough. Rely on God as you already know HIS strength.
It was kind of you to explain your post, but it is truly ok. You have way more important things to deal with, and my heart goes out to you.
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Pepsee, I'm in agreement with the above comments. People of faith, no matter what that faith may be are imperfect human beings. Unfortunately when you are known as a Christian, Buddist..........whatever you are, people watch your actions more carefully. So if a person is saying God Bless You one moment and then saying screw off the next that doesn't necessarily make them a hypocrite, just human I guess.

I'm sorry if I came back at you harshly, but I have imperfections just like everyone does. We are all works in process right?

I'm sorry for the sadness you are feeling right now. I've been there. Most of us on here have or are going to eventually. Keep posting and if you see me on here God Blessing someone one day and telling someone tough sh*t the next, it's just cause I'm human.
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Pepsee, anger at the world during traumatic times is very understandable. My mom left me mentally 4 years before she left physically. I am an only child and my mom was always the boss. It was so hard to hear her babbling and hallucinating. My husband’s health took a nosedive at the same time. Especially on bad days like today and yesterday when hubby had diarrhea that left him with a horrific rash, I just spend the day asking “why me?” And “what did I do to deserve this”.

The problem with writing things down for others to read is that others read only the words and can’t hear the emotions or sentiments behind them. We don’t live in your house with you nor you with us. We take each other at our word(s) and I guess sometimes those words can be misunderstood.

No matter what, we will always be here for you and everyone else.
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Pepsee,
I'm so sorry to hear of your mother having to go on hospice. It sounds like you had high hopes for her recovery. You certainly are her best advocate. I'm sure you are filled with sadness and hopelessness. Often we misdirect our feelings in times of stress because we don't know how to process them.

If I may give a suggestion, it's better to write too much and explain yourself than not write enough and leave people to figure out what you meant. I always re-read my posts before posting them. [Doing that right now ;)] 
You have some real valuable thoughts and opinions but you need to explain yourself and give a bit of background. We have a window into your life that you've given us. The more we know Pepsee, the more we'll understand how and why you post certain opinions. It's good to address a problem you have with a 'particular' person in a private chat.

Everyone's situation is different. Some posters need reassurance, some need a boot in the butt to get motivated to change their situation. So, sometimes those of us who use religious sentiments for one poster may lambaste another poster for asking for help then not taking the suggestions from people who have 'been there and done that'. They keep whining but don't seem to want to do anything about it. That frustrates most of us because we take a lot of time to think and write out answers, only to feel like we've been spinning our wheels. Often posters will give a "knee-jerk" response. 

Blessings should be for EVERYBODY who comes on this site looking for help. Most people are hurting in some way.
There's one thread I'm following where the person seems to remain in the same (very unfortunate) situation, even with many good suggestions to change things. Fortunately, she clarified a few details as the thread goes on. 

It's a lot easier to make suggestions if posters would give history, background on the problem and what they've tried to fix it. Some board members post "heated" comments when the person seems to be mistreated, especially if THEY have been mistreated themselves.

I believe, in the upcoming days, you will need the support of many here who have experienced the pain you now have with your sick mother. So I'm glad you're sticking around. So am I, because I need the support of this board with my mother also.

Please take EACH post as what was meant from the person posting. Don't cross reference what they say on a different post. I can be happy one minute and be a bear the next (just ask my hubby!).

I hope you find hospice to be helpful. They will bring many items to make your mother more comfortable. They usually are available 24/7, so if you have questions or can't cope at any time, give them a call. There are a couple (few) of us hospice nurses on the board who might be able to help you navigate the system. You won't be going through this alone.

May God bless you and your mom on her journey. (I really mean it.) :)
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Amen, cwillie!!!

I use to tell my managers that - back in the day when I was still a working stiff.

Dont give “corrective feedback” in broad or general terms. The “offending” person almost never recognizes themselves as the culprit.
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Pepsee, I'm sorry you feel the need to apologize for your rant, but I agree with you that it was lacking in detail. Next time you want to call someone out just go ahead and do it, beating around the bush just gets everyone second guessing what they've said and seldom reaches the targeted audience because they are generally either self righteous or oblivious. (Just my humble opinion)
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Pepsee sent you a little message.
Take care
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