I'm wondering if any of my new associates here are experiencing the situation I am with a sibling. My parents have together my older sister and myself. 4 years age difference me 53 and her 57. (duh) lol . 🤣. Let's just say I'm the Jones and she has always been the perfect Smiths. I have been residing with my parents for many years now so I'm aware of everything and everything that goes on with them and the house including taking care of yardwork inside cleaning and making dinner for them faithfully every evening, now my mom's Dimensia is progressing so she literally cannot cook for herself so I have to make sure I stop my life and provide a healthy meal for my mom every evening my Dad well he will eat sometimes otherwise he will feed himself he's 84 my mom is 78 . My sister had no idea that my mom was sick until I started noticing strange behaviors and she just up and stopped going to work one day. I didn't question because I believe that she was fully retirering. Something normal ya know.. I found a letter from her employer asking if she was okay and she just never returned to the job? OMG 😳 I said OMG 😱... That's when I called my sister asking for help... She never came by or called me asking how Mom is .. matter of fact she hasn't been around in 28 freaking years yes 28 years.... NO LIES WITHIN 28 YEARS I BELIEVE SHE STOPPED BY BRIEFLY IN AND OUT APPROXIMATELY 2-4 TIMES A YEAR IF THAT MANY I MIGHT BE GIVING TO MUCH CREDIT..My question is how the hell does she just come along after 28 years and try to take over everything matter of fact the only thing she has been here for is my mom's bank account and some bills and didn't tell me anything about closing the account and in her name now... Prior to this I was handling everything... Without any problems... Now it's little by little creeping in and trying to control everything.... Including telling my mom what she can have or get with her own money.... But guess what guys she doesn't care about the house being clean she doesn't care about my mom taking a shower she doesn't care about my mom getting dinner she doesn't care about nothing the only thing she told me was his I live here it's my responsibility so I had to beg my sister to buy my mother a pizza because my mom wanted Pizza I had no money to take my mother to get my mother Taco Bell my mother was upset my mother went without cigarettes for a day this is what I'm talking about my sister does not have any legal rights to be doing any of this and no legal right to be keeping everything from me like I made a doctor's appointment for my mom I was getting ready to go and she turned around and told me oh I'll take her you stay here everything's okay I'll let you know what happens she did not let me know what the doctor said I had to call her and ask her she took off as soon as she dropped my mother off and I didn't hear from her probably till like later later almost the end of the night like all the sudden she just comes out of the woodwork acting like she's she's been here forever and she hasn't even been here forever she's just started coming around since I told her that my mom was sick now sudden she's this perfect Smith woman that that knows everything and can handle everything but yet she doesn't do what is needed to be done I told her a hundred times per attorney's advice you don't just come here and handle money and then not handle everything else this is not a freaking bank account this is a person's life oh well you can do it you live here and I said excuse me I can't even take a day off from cooking because she won't eat and prior to that I asked my sister to make sure she was eating she told my 84 year old father to make sure my mother ate guess what I stayed home purposely just to see what woud happen my sister never even called anyone to see if Mom had dinner... Can anyone relate? Hope this wasn't too much information 😞
You need to accept that you can’t deal with situation without a serious row. If you can’t face that, it might be best to leave.
You are 53 and live with both your Mother (78) and Father (84), caring mostly for your Mother. Your Father doesn't seem willing or able to take care of your Mother.
Your Mom just stopped showing up at work and that's when you figured out she has a cognitive problem/memory loss. You haven't said anything about taking her to the doctor, getting an actual diagnosis, etc.
You are upset that your older sister, who hasn't been involved to this point, is now stepping in to do some management of medical appointments and finances but none of the day-to-day, like meals, hygiene, and housekeeping.
You say you don't have enough or any money, so you are presumably not being paid to take care of your parents.
You claim your sister doesn't have any legal ability to do this, but how do you know? It sounds like she is now acting like she is the PoA. Have you ever directly asked her?
We don't get to choose our family members but we do get to choose our boundaries with them. You will need to decide what you want for the rest of your life. If you and your sister (the manager) can't seem to get along but this isn't helping your Mom like it should. You may need to tell your sister that you can no longer be an unpaid caregiver doing all the day-to-day work. How are you saving up for your own future and care? Who will be doing it for you?
Or, you consider moving out and moving on. Get a job while you can still work. The more you stay in that house, the more you will be treated like the de facto caregiver by your parents and sister.
Stay around and read for a while, and while you won't see your own situation EXACTLY mirrored, you will see many similar ones.
My own answer to these situations is that you cannot ever change anyone else. You and Sister have lived as "The Smiths" and "The Joneses" for a lifetime. That's just the way it is.
Again, welcome, and do come to us in the questions second if a question we might help with occurs to you. Meanwhile you have just years worth of reading here, and hopefully some of it will help you with your own situation.