I'm losing it.

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I have enough of my own issues to deal with that I'm trying to keep from going from merely anxiety attacks to full blown panic attacks. Tonight when it was bed time, mom just wouldn't go. So it ended up being a 2 hour endeavor. Which really made me feel like I was going to lose it. Showing outwardly how I was about to lose it wouldn't have helped. Since that would only have made the whole situation worse. So I had to act outwardly calm while I was screaming on the inside. It's especially frustrating when I have to deal with outside people right there and then and they just don't care. It's not like they don't understand. They do. They just don't care. It's killing me.

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tornadojan: Do I know you? Yes, I am sure at one point or another, we've all "lost it." There is only one perfect person, Jesus. We are not perfect.

Matthew 5:48
"Therefore you are to be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.
The mortal can never be perfection.
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Just chiming in to say that just about all of us have "lost it" at one time or another. I have "lost it" more than once. Sometimes I feel like a fraud or an actor when I continue to speak in calming tones while raging on the inside. Everyone here is right when they say to lower expectations and pick your battles. You really need to do that. If it truly gets to be too much, contemplate what you can do to bring others into the mix. It really is too much for one person to handle. Good luck!
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I agree with RaylinnStephens:

Why must she got to sleep at a certain time?

Perhaps she is not sleepy. Maybe she naps during the day.

If the issue is that she is keeping you awake, why not simply tell her that you need to get some rest and will speak to her in the morning.

If you are worried she might fall or slip or poop on the floor, than perhaps it is time to hire a certified medicare nurse assistants.

Discuss the issues with your doctor and he can sign a form that says she needs the CNA
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If you're "losing it," it sounds like something must change, else you'll fall ill.
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....mom just would not “go” as in bowel movement, or leave the room, or leave the house; which?
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My mom has dementia and she is usually watching tv on the couch.  We don't like her to spend the whole day in bed.  But when it's time for bed I will tell her she has to go to her bed now and tell her she doesn't have to go to sleep but she's moving from the couch to her bed.  She has a tv in her room which she watches.  She is pretty cooperative and I really feel so bad for her as I miss her so much without the dementia.  So maybe if you tell her she doesn't have to go to bed to sleep but she's only moving from wherever she is to the bed, maybe she will cooperate.  If she has a tv in her room this may be helpful.
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Yes, that was my question too, Need - what other people?

I sympathise with the bedtime face-off, and if it makes you feel any better (I feel terrible) I did completely lose it at least once. It was getting on for - oh can't even remember, half past midnight? One? - and she was 'watching the news.' She always wanted to watch the sodding news. I went hysterical, but in my defence I can't remember either when I'd last had more than three hours' sleep together.

And no you can't just leave them to it and go to bed because of the falls risk, the escape risk, the sh*t all over the loo seat and the floor risk, the hot water tap left running all night risk...

But never mind all that - who are these outsiders who are there, should understand, and don't care?
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I also struggle with my Mom taking forever to do the smallest thing. She also says “Wait. Wait wait wait,” over and over till I want to scream. So I figured out little things to do while I wait, like file my nails, or read an uplifting article on my phone. Her brain is like a computer hard-drive that’s been erased; there’s no programming anymore. So I have to tell her: take one step. Pull down your pants. Sit on the toilet. She needs me to gently tell her each step because she literally does not remember how to go to the bathroom. It’s not her fault, and yelling has the reverse effect because it just upsets & confuses her more. I also drafted a self-care list that was three pages long, and every day I do at least 3 to 5 items from the list. It can be as simple as putting on face cream before bed and doing a few stretches to relax.
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I give my dad an Ativan dissolved in hot chocolate about 2hours before I get him ready for bed. It used to be seroquel but after not having any for a month when I tried giving it to him for bed it seemed to make him agitated, so after talking to his doctor I started the Ativan. This actually calms down his sun downing activity some and makes him sleepy enough for bed.
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When my mom's Alzheimer's was in full swing, after around 7:30 or so at night, she just couldn't/wouldn't get out of her chair. It was as if she were sleeping, even though there were no outward signs of that. Maybe "sundowners"  (or daughter downers and son-in-law downers,-- lol, I hope). As another poster said, other people can pick up the slack, (and the slacks, and the socks). Also agreeing with another comment, we had to allow a lot of time for everyday things. My mom used to be the get up and go kind of person, but when Alzheimer's was in full bloom, it could take 15 minutes to get out the door, where it used to take 5.  it is absolutely, like another person said, "the new normal." It's so surreal, because with a baby or toddler, you know that they're not going to understand things, but with an adult, and a parent yet, they used to have their full faculties, and it's hard to know, day to day, what the next day is going to bring. Try to find humor when you can.  Speaking about, "can," for example, when my mom struggled to get up, even with help, she used her cane's handle as a pulley to help pull herself up, wrapping the cane handle around the arm rest of the couch, that was close by. I said, "That's using your head." She patted her "can," (her fanny) and said, "I thought I was using another part of my body."
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