I'm feeling alone. Any guidance?
As you may know from reading my posts, my mom passed in March 2017. I had always been her emotional crutch due to her anxiety and depression. So during the last 42 years I had called her daily, and visited once a week. The last year of her earthly life I visited daily, sometimes twice daily. She had a breakdown when I was 13. I have felt the need to help and protect her ever since that time. It was my job, I felt. My responsibility. And after her passing, I still felt the need to visit her, the responsibility to protect her didn't vanish upon her passing on. But, during the last few days, I've come to realize and feel that she is no longer here. Absolutely gone from this life. I still want to visit the cemetery once a week. But don't feel the need to do that as much. And as I contemplate moving out of state in a few months, it dawned on me that I am very much alone. No family except for an estranged sister. And some cousins that I haven't seen since I was a boy. I feel that when I move, if I move out of state, I will be leaving my mother behind in some sense. And I guess I have some lingering survivors guilt. But I guess, the gist of what I am trying to say is that for the first time I am realizing that my mother is gone, not here anymore, and no longer a part of my daily life. And I am getting used to not having the "job" responsibility of looking out for her anymore after a lifetime of trying to protect her. It's yet another level of the grief process I guess and separation from my old life to a new life. I'd like to hear everyones comments and thoughts and any guidance you might have for me. Thanks.