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I can’t quite figure out if she actually has dementia, or if she’s been told and or convinced that she has dementia ?


And I’m not quite sure how to describe the situation. It’s frustrating. I worked with several dementia clients and I’ve never seen anything like this .



I think you are suggesting that your client doesn’t have dementia, but for some reason her husband has made her think that she has. Some men do like to think that they have a helpless dependent wife. It’s not good, but if she is well cared for, perhaps she likes things that way too. She may even be acting (and if so I hope that she is nicer than my late father). The only potential ‘abuse’ I can think of is if she is independently wealthy and husband has obtained control of her finances by convincing her and others that she is no longer competent. I am not sure that there is any way you could assist in that scenario, as a carer. So perhaps you just go along with things. You could perhaps say to husband that you think she could become more capable with encouragement, but if he says ‘don’t', I think you have nowhere to go with it. Curious!
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I honestly can't see that it should make much difference in your role whether she has dementia or not - you will interact with her as the individual that she is and provide the services that you have been hired to perform in any case. For what it's worth I can remember taking my mother to see her aunt in the nursing home and having a very long, pleasant visit. My great aunt was friendly and pleasant and participated in the conversation just as she always had in the past, it wasn't until we were leaving that I realized she had absolutely no clue who we were.
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My past experiences, with Dementia, the elderly try to cover, not being able to remember. This client says, “oh, I don’t remember, they tell me I use to do that...but I don’t recall....” Her husband will not, LET her do anything. He says, “it’s just easier to do it myself” I want to help “fix” but I’m afraid of overstepping.
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The last time I saw my difficult father, he was very hard to pick. He seemed to be acting confused or not together, but next minute he gave a strong impression that he was putting it on. He was narcissistic and untrustworthy, years back. I was even thinking that perhaps he had acted it to the point where it was becoming habitual. I talked to the nursing home DON about it, and she was quite relieved to hear that I couldn’t tell either.
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Well I'm even more at a loss since you didn't share any details with us- what exactly are you seeing that has you doubting her diagnosis.
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