I'm 68 and just beginning to understand narcissistic mothers.

Yes, I think you intuitively knew at a young age something was not right. Children bloom with unconditional love, and that’s something a child of a narcissist never receives. Sometimes we forget what we already know. Sometimes we hope for something more. It is the hope for yourself that keeps you from becoming your parent. It is that hope and determination that helps you overcome (along with the great resources everyone has mentioned, therapy, journaling, meditation, exercise.)

Currently reading “Will I Ever Be Enough” by Dr. Karyl McBride. Really opening my eyes with so many familiarities that it’s scary.

Yes yes to what Moose said!! read all you can...there are a ton of books about healing from being raised by a narcissistic mother...being a daughter of said narcissistic mother etc...I am and have been over the years with breaks in therapy to deal with this very subject...I had no idea how she messed me up and basically ruined me and my entire life...but that is me...not everyone has that experience I'm sure...I just happened to have a certain set of circumstances that she was able to destroy my person completely...but I am determined to heal...

You must have intuitively known there was something wrong, Denise. I can't imagine what you've gone through. I have a narcissistic sister who's making my life very hard. I can't imagine how her son and husband haven't killed her in her sleep (I'm not kidding). I finally figured this out last week that it's her, not me. There's tons of information on the internet about dealing with narcs and how to recover. I already feel calmer because now I understand, though I'm still very tense when she's around or calls. I hope you're able to get books from the library or other sources and search in the Internet to help you deal with it and recover.