If you cared for a parent in your home, how did it effect your husband and children?

Sue,

I thought I had it bad with mom in my home for 15 years but you beat me!

I am so sorry. You have your hands full.

My caregiving days to my mom are over. I had to forgo it all. It became too much. She is now under hospice care and lives with a sibling.

My husband was loving and supportive. He isn’t one to complain much, never has been but I could see relief when mom moved out. It is normal for a spouse to start to resent the situation.

I feel like all marriages take a hit when a parent moves in.

Everything changes and not for the better.

It is never like The Walton’s television show.

My mom hasn't been well for most of her life and has been living with me for over 30 years, she's in her 80's now. She used to be able to manage on her own with little assistance/support but now she is bedridden and needs round the clock care.

I met my husband and got married about 15 years ago. He knew at the time that me and mom were a package deal. She needed care and I was her caregiver. He had no issues at first and moved in with us.

Now it's a totally different story - I think he's jealous of her, my care for her and the time I spend on/with her - everything is "you and your mother". I can't depend on him for any help whatsoever as someone said to me "hey it's not his mom"...... I do understand that but figure that even if he doesn't want to help her, doesn't he want to help me his wife...... I suppose not..... I'm on my own. She can't be left alone so if I have to go out I have to get someone to be with her even if he is at home. Luckily I work from home so I'm basically here with her all the time 24/7.

Me being mom's caregiver has affected our relationship. I'm unable to travel with my husband or go out and socialize with him because I have no one to leave her with. He's gone away on vacation a few times over the years without me. He might mind alot but me not so much. I'm a little anti social and don't mind staying home. As a matter of fact, looking after my mom has given me the perfect excuse to stay home (don't tell him - smile). Not sure how I'll get around this when she's gone....sigh.

Since covid I don't think he's been in my moms room, that's like from March. I don't mind really because even with covid he still likes to go out and he's anti mask and likes to cough and sneeze all over the place. So much so that I wear a mask 90% of the time when I'm at home just because I don't want to get anything from him and pass to her... not covid, not the cold, flu anything. I do ask him to be mindful of the fact that covid or even the flu could be fatal for her but he thinks he's invincible, insensitive and irresponsible and selfish. I'm happy now to keep him away from her to ensure she doesn't get sick.

I suppose I am the good daughter and bad wife..............

The way I see it, mom has been there all my life even when she was ill and could have given up on us. We didn't have a lot growing up but she always made sure we had what we needed and were cared for and loved. Now that she needs me, I will be there for her..... she will always be my mom. He may not always be my husband.............

Mark you, like any other married couple we've got issues and mom isn't the root of them by any means. She didn't create our issues, me being her caregiver hasn't helped.

My two cents.

My mom hasn't been well for most of her life and has been living with me for over 30 years, she's in her 80's now. She used to be able to manage on her own with little assistance/support but now she is bedridden and needs round the clock care.

I met my husband and got married about 15 years ago. He knew at the time that me and mom were a package deal. She needed care and I was her caregiver. He had no issues at first and moved in with us.

Now it's a totally different story - I think he's jealous of her, my care for her and the time I spend on/with her - everything is "you and your mother". I can't depend on him for any help whatsoever as someone said to me "hey it's not his mom"...... I do understand that but figure that even if he doesn't want to help her, doesn't he want to help me his wife...... I suppose not..... I'm on my own. She can't be left alone so if I have to go out I have to get someone to be with her even if he is at home. Luckily I work from home so I'm basically here with her all the time 24/7.

Me being mom's caregiver has affected our relationship. I'm unable to travel with my husband or go out and socialize with him because I have no one to leave her with. He's gone away on vacation a few times over the years without me. He might mind alot but me not so much. I'm a little anti social and don't mind staying home. As a matter of fact, looking after my mom has given me the perfect excuse to stay home (don't tell him - smile). Not sure how I'll get around this when she's gone....sigh.

Since covid I don't think he's been in my moms room, that's like from March. I don't mind really because even with covid he still likes to go out and he's anti mask and likes to cough and sneeze all over the place. So much so that I wear a mask 90% of the time when I'm at home just because I don't want to get anything from him and pass to her... not covid, not the cold, flu anything. I do ask him to be mindful of the fact that covid or even the flu could be fatal for her but he thinks he's invincible, insensitive and irresponsible and selfish. I'm happy now to keep him away from her to ensure she doesn't get sick.

I suppose I am the good daughter and bad wife..............

The way I see it, mom has been there all my life even when she was ill and could have given up on us. We didn't have a lot growing up but she always made sure we had what we needed and were cared for and loved. Now that she needs me, I will be there for her..... she will always be my mom. He may not always be my husband.............

Mark you, like any other married couple we've got issues and mom isn't the root of them by any means. She didn't create our issues, me being her caregiver hasn't helped.

My two cents.

I find it disturbing to see parents expecting their children to take them in.

For some, this arrangement works out fairly well and they feel it is the best choice for all concerned.

Please share why this has or has not worked in your situation.

We can all learn from each other’s experiences.

Please be polite and show support for everyone. We are all entitled to our own opinions.

Did you gain something in having a parent live in your home?

What was lost by having a parent live with you?

What surprised you the most about a parent living in your home?

Don’t feel as if you have to answer all of my questions. Share whatever is on your mind.