As a caregiver how would you answer this question "If only my parents/mom/dad had..."

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None of us want to become a burden to our kids like so many of the parents we read about here have. But I'll bet you that not a single one of these parents wanted to either and yet, here they are.


Surely there's something they could have done before they reached this stage that might have eased some of these burdens we're reading about.


In my case, I wish my parents had realized they would need the help of at least one of their three kids as they got older and moved closer to one of us. When mom got sick lived states away from any of us and it was hard on dad. We all had to stop our lives and take turns helping her "die" with dignity.


So when my husband retired, the first thing we did was move close to our daughter. We also have bought a lot nearby and have a 5 year plan to pay off our current home and to build a new smaller one level home on that lot. We plan on making this home as senior friendly as possible. In 5 years my husband will be in his 70s and I'll be 65...so hopefully we'll be doing this soon enough.


Hopefully some of us will take this discussion to heart and make an effort to take steps while we can to help ease our future caregiver's burdens.


So what do you wish your parents would have done in the past that might have made it easier for you to help them today?

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I wish my parents had had more money.
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When I think of children of politicians, I think of the song made famous by Creedence Clearwater Revival: Fortunate Son.
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I wonder what the children of popular politicians [yes, The Donald included] would say "if only my parent had......".
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Gosh I worry about that man on a whole lot of issues that are political and so I won't mention them but if my Dad had had hair like that I would have taken him straight to the hairdressers and got it cut properly. BUT you will be pleased to know I have found out its not a wig it was allegedly Trump who started the handbag dog phase but since he didn't have a handbag he put it on his head instead
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I too wish your Mum could meet up with him and ask about his hair, everyone wants to know.
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I wish my Mum had the opportunity to meet Donald Trump - apart from the name Trump which means fart in UK colloquialism, she would be very blunt about his hair. Every time she sees him on TV and bearing in mind this is not remotely political she says why does he have to wear that wig he is stupid. I suggested it might not be a wig to which she replied well I would sack his barber he looks ridiculous, silly man. So toady she saw Hilary Clinton and I quite expected her to like her. not a bit of it. She's that woman who had an affair with that nice man isn't she? Who Bill Clinton says I trying to be helpful. No no he was horrid she had an affair with that black American...confused I said who do you mean Mum? Answer Paul Robeson! I think the wires might be a little crossed today!
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Windy, that's a 4 star response! I can't stop laughing!
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Some realistic life goals and practices:

NEVER EAT ANYTHING YOU CANT LIFT

DONT END UP AS THE STAR OF MY 600 POUND LIFE

LIKEWISE FOR THE SHOW, INTERVENTION

HAVE SEX ONLY WITH PEOPLE YOU KNOW

DONT DRINK ALONE UNLESS YOU HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE

CUT DONE ON YOUR SMOKING PRIOR TO HIP REPLACEMENT SURGERY


I try to set goals that are attainable
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Dustien, your post reminded me of another issue that affects aging and adaptive living: housing adaptations. I haven't followed the campy House Hunters to see what the latest (sometimes impractical) trends are, but I doubt that mainstream builders are even considering modifications to houses so that they can be adaptable as homeowners age, w/o major retrofitting.

Wider hallways and doors, sinks with roll-under capacity for wheelchairs, landline connections in every room (including the bathroom), heated towel bars (as I believe they have in the UK and Europe), roll-in showers, outdoor access for wheelchairs w/o adding ramps....all these would help people age in place more safely.

I could foresee a wise, thoughtful and proactive builder creating a subdivision of adaptable homes such as these, but I think the majority of builders are still pandering to tv supported consumer goods and desires for hot tubs, pools, stainless steel appliances and granite counter tops, man caves, etc. as opposed to practical, adaptable homes that where families could age in place.
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Oops, that was supposed to say "living beyond where PAST generations lived". So how come we can edit our posts in Facebook but not in here??
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