This is horrible! Mom's depression, anxiety and grief are pretty well controlled. But her body is just getting worse.
I'm wondering if we have the onset of Parkinson's here. She shakes like crazy. Even her face twitches.
The pain is immense. The pain killers do little at best. She gets shooting pains in her feet, legs and hands. She can barely stand from a sitting position and often gets stuck on the toilet. I have the toilet seat with handles, but in the a.m. she forgets to put it on.
And forget walking! Her legs wobble and give out. Topped with COPD, a few feet is a loooooong journey. If she even makes it. I bought her a nice transport wheelchair, it should be here today.
She also has vertigo. And Something with her eyes, that causes double vision. That's new because we were at the eye Dr last month.
Her clogged corrotids need two surgeries. There will be drains coming out of her neck after each surgery. I hope I have the stomach to clean them out.
My son's friends family owns a CBD manufacturing company in Colorado. While they were here over the weekend, we ordered her the topical cream and 600mg drops for pain. I'm desperate at this point.
This woman was never a complainer nor crier. But she sure does cry now. She says she can't go on like this anymore. And that's killing ME!
She's even, half jokingly, say's to give her her Xanax and pain meds. She'll end it. Luckily neither of us have access to them. I had DH fill, (and refill) both scripts and lock them in the gun safe. He doles them out as needed. I do not have the combo and don't want it, as I am in recovery and refuse to play on the railroad tracks.
I need to emotionally detach. My feelings are way to emeshed with hers. When she's up, I'm up, when she's down, I'm down. We were always this way.
She's too well for hospice and too sick to live. This hurts so much. How do I handle this?