I feel so guilty, I've cried non stop for the last few hours, I really can't take this anymore. If any of you has ever read one of my posts you know I'm mentally ill. I'm now 24 and I've struggled with anxiety ever since I was 16 and was later diagnosed with Bipolar disorder. My life became a living h*ll, then I had to deal not only with my own illness but also with my grandma's dementia. I promised I would be with her until the end... My mother became the main caregiver without any help from her brother and sister, then she ended up having a massive heart attack and of course she's not the same anymore. As for my grandma, she just keeps getting worse and worse. A few hours ago she had a terrible episode, I don't even want to get into details, my grandma is out of control and my mother is no longer capable of taking care of her. To make things worse I was diagnosed with Schizophrenia last month. I feel like I have to choose between me and my mother or my grandma and to be honest I'm going to choose us. This breaks my heart, it makes me want to kill myself, I feel like I'm betraying my grandma but she has lived her life, we haven't, I need to think about my mothers well being and I also need to think about my mental health, it will only get worse if we keep living like this... This is also not good for my grandma, she should be surrounded by people who are capable of giving her the attention and love she needs, we can't because we're just so tired, we try to do our best but it's no longer enough. As much as it hurts me I feel like she will be better in a nursing home, it will be better for her and for us. I feel so bad, so guilty for even writing something like this. When I was younger I used to be so hard on people who sent their loved ones to nursing homes, I remember promising that I would take care of everyone no matter how sick they were... Now I understand the other side, we shouldn't really judge what we don't know...

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Hannah, I know this is a tough decision but it will be the right decision for your Grandma to now live in a nursing home....think of it this way, she will be around people who will watch over her around the clock whenever she needs it. These people are trained professionals. It might take Grandma a while to adjust to a new home, or she may like it immediately. Just give her time.

And you and your mother can plan to go visit her daily after you have both gotten a well earned rest.

You are right you can no longer care for anybody but yourself now. Its hard enough doing this with no mental illness but you need to get her help for your own sake. Gosh even the anxiety alone is not a good thing to have when caring for a dementia patient. Youre a good daughter and grandaughter you have done more than your best considering your illnesses and have nothing to feel guilty about we all crack at some point and you are about to, first like captain says see her doc ?and get help asap this is not good for you stress and anxiety? not good at all you need to look after yourself i know its very hard to back away but sometimes our health comes first.

you cant take care of two elders . i tried it and ended up on the floor of the va stress unit . make a team out of something . family doc is your first move . that f*cker can make things happen .
there is home care available , paid for by medicare .
again , talk to doc . hes a powerhouse ..

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