I still get a real tree at Christmas. I still try to make it the season, the reason.

MidKid,

Stats show Christmas is a huge success for car dealerships. They sell tons of cars then. So all of those annoying ads pay off for them.

Yeah, let’s go out and buy one. What color do you want? Convertible or hard top? I’m amazed at impulse buying!

With all of the crap that you and I have gone through with our moms and siblings, we should buy one and hit the road. right? Hahaha.

I was at where you are. I had people tell me that I would regret if I didn’t care for mom because they had done the same with their mom. Their moms died much younger. My mom is in her 90’s and the caregiving went on and on and on. I ended up caregiving for almost 15 years in my home. If someone is telling you to keep caring for your mom, tell them to come do it.

My mom pitted my brothers against me because she couldn’t have her way in everything. It became a nightmare. Everything was a struggle. No cooperation or compromise. She hated boundaries. I hated my life. It’s not worth it!

Finally, after an abundance of criticism I told her to go live with my brother if they all thought that I wasn’t doing enough. I bent over backwards for her and gave up my own life. I can’t get those years back and I would never do it again. She left in September. My caregiver days went on far too long.

Did your mom care for her mom? Mine did not. Grandma was fiercely independent and died at 85 in her own home. She was nothing like my mom. She never made people feel guilty.

Why don’t you look into letting someone else care for your mother so you can take care of yourself. If you end up sick who will care for you and your mom.

Please let go. I don’t even have a relationship with mom family anymore. It’s very difficult for me emotionally but I could not continue. My brothers are hateful. I have only briefly spoken to my mom twice on the phone. Eh, not a very good conversation so I have no choice than to accept that caregiving truly destroyed my relationship. Naturally I became resentful. I was a prisoner in my own home. Please set yourself free. I am not sorry mom isn’t living here anymore. You won’t be either.

How long have you been caregiving? People are living so long now! Can you really do this any longer? We are here to support you. Hugs! Please go see your doctor. Tell your mom that she needs to live elsewhere if you are having health issues due to stress.

In my opinion, nothing is less "Christlike" than Christmas. It's an adopted pagan holiday that has become a bastion of greed and unfulfilled expectations.

I was watching a football game with DH. The ads were driving me insane. Ads for high price cars were the worst! Every time I'd see one I'd say "Baby Jesus wants you to buy a Lexus!!" Finally , DH said, "I get it, honey, but STOP doing that".

I try to be a good person and give service, compassion, love, etc all year long. The "tree" represents nothing to me but the kids' joy and excitement.

The REASON for the season is Jesus' birth and life. Period. All the other stuff is just...stuff.

What are my kids giving me for Christmas? 2 Llamas for a poor family in Peru. And baby chicks for a family in Ecquador. What will DH give me? Not a darn thing, he takes care of me 365 days a year.

Oh, and my narcissistic mother? I won't even see her this year and I Do NOT Care.

NeedHelpWithMom: "Do you see yourself continuing being her caregiver? Have you thought of any alternatives?"

I wondered the same thing. What happens when you become so ill that you can't take care of your mother?

But then I read these responses in previous threads...

"...did we give as much of us as possible"

"News flash.....your siblings are living their lives and letting you deal with it!!!!
I know!!!!
Going through exactly the same!!! "

In response to the question, "Is it wrong to hope someone dies?"
"I hear and understand. I am wishing the same...."

I think Arimethea will not give up caregiving for her mother, no matter what. She is going to give as much of herself as possible (perhaps to the point of death?).Her siblings are uninvolved. She wishes her mother would die. (I'm assuming it's her mother that she wished would die in that reply.)

Do you see how unhealthy your situation is, Arimethea?

Please see your Dr for your chest pain. It might be nothing, but it could be signs of something coming down the road.
Take care of yourself!


People who live in a bubble never have a chance to see what they really know and what they think they know! They just continue to think what they know is true even if its not!

You know what? Hold true to your beliefs and while her attitude may annoy you, try not to allow it to steal your joy of the season.

I doubt she will change at this point and you may never know why she reacts the way she does. Be more concerned for you. You matter just as much.

Do you see yourself continuing being her caregiver? Have you thought of any alternatives?