...and I feel SO bad. This whole bowel thing with Dad is starting to take its toll on my nerves. We've literally done EVERYTHING we can to make him comfortable, but he can't understand that HE'S MAKING IT WORSE!!!!
Hospice increased his Ativan to try to deal with the real issue --- his HEAD, and I get it. Hemorrhoids are painful for a person without cognitive decline. I can't imagine going through it with a constant state of confusion. If they had Wifi in the rooms at the AL, I literally would sit with him and keep him out of the bathroom, but I can't take a day off work to monitor his poop!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGH!!!!
So this morning, I honestly "forced" him to go to the Adult Day Center. We've missed two weeks this month and that's just money down the drain. My hope is that he will get distracted and forget about his silly bowels.
...so today when he said "I have to go" I literally screamed. YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO!!!! SIT DOWN AND BE STILL!!!!! Of course this caused tears and apologies. When he said he didn't want to go to the center, I kinda snapped. I (pointlessly) explained that he's going to need to get used to going to the center because we're moving, and without him going to the ADC a couple days a week, I wouldn't be able to move him. I went on and on about how expensive The ALF is and that if we can't work out the ADC / At Home Split, he's going to have to go to a nursing home...
REALLY?!?! Did I really just do that?
So I feel awful. First, I made him feel bad. I know he's not doing this on purpose in my head, but it sure seems that way sometimes. How convenient is it that he happens to feel bad on ADC days EVERY week? Maybe it's the new incontinence thing and the fact that I've been putting in extra hours at the part time job in anticipation of this move (I'm hiring movers this time).
... tough morning