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CTTN55, I blame the previous generation, our parents. They expected nothing from their boys. Girls are the cargivers. There are cultures that still feel this way. We have members that are taking care of husbands parent or parents. The husband does nothing. It doesn't just mean boys, lots a siblings don't do for parents but are there to get their share when parents pass. Sad.

Good for you! It is important to have boundaries. We have to recognize our own needs. I never said no to my parents and it just lead to anger and resentment.

I am curious as to why you and your sister have to do all the caregiving. Why do your brothers do nothing?

DO NOT feel guilty about this. You have every right to have time to yourself, just as your siblings do when you have Mom for your time with her.

You did the right thing - Mom needs to understand there are boundaries, and if you don't set them, they'll never be honored. That's not to say that she won't at some point in the future forget what those boundaries are, but for now, keep those boundaries so you have some time to yourself.

So good that you did that for yourself. You may have made yourself so available that your mom forgets that you have thoughts of your own.
Mom doesn’t drive but does she go with on the errands? Does she handle the tasks when she gets to the store? If so, why can’t she use Uber? No need to wait for your day off.
I get it that you want to help out sister but you get no time off!
Does she stay overnight at your home on the days you have her?
Here’s to more sunny days on your deck.
Your mom is a lucky woman.

It’s very important when you are a caregiver, or even share caregiving with someone to maintain your personal identity. It took me a long time to learn to say no to my husband. He is not demanding as such, just has me under a microscope.

You didn’t have a question, but what you said is very important. Doing things for yourself when you are a caregiver is crucial to maintaining your sanity.

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